4 children 4 dads

[fll85]

One of my close friends is expecting her 4th baby. She is getting a lot of stick from other people in our group of friends, and even some strangers, because the 4 children have different dads.

AIBU not to see this as an issue? She is a fab mum to the 3 she has. What business is it of other people and does it matter?

A very good friend of ours has a 4th child and is the 4th Dad, has a really tough time with other dc's dads, the 2 that are still around.

We were a bit shocked when we found out he was going to be a Dad, they had only been together about 3 months. It seems to be really working for them as a couple though, they are now 2 years in. He tries really hard with other kids too and that seems to be paying off....didn't stop the '4 by 4' comments though....

Um...people judge. Mothers are judged the second someone finds out they're pregnant. How many children, how many fathers are irrelevant. They're judged by everything they do.

Sadly, this woman would be judged in the real world. I don't know why some people are saying she wouldn't. It's simply untrue.

However, 4 kids for anyone is hard work. Particularly if she has no partner. So, her friends, if they are friends, should stop judging and be supportive.

Oh stop being so bloody santimonious.
Being middle class doesn't make you a bloody saint or superior.

My lovely best friend is raising all four of her children by herself. Their father's are not and will not be in their lives. She put herself through college and now holds a supervisory position in a counseling centre for victims of domestic violence. Her children are all loved, fed and cared by her day after day. She is a wonderful amazing woman. I am sickened that anyone would think of her as an "easy lay" or an "sti hive".

genuinely be happy if this was your 27 year old daughter, with four children, from four different fathers (two of whom took no interest in their own chlldren), who has a 'rubbish job and earns rubbish money'?

At 27 they are adults.

I might worry about DC and any DGC in this situation but my being happy is irrelevant. I don't get to live my DC lives for them or make their choices for them.

I really shouldn't be judging them - though I would if any DC of mine walked away from their own DC as it hard to foresee a circumstance that would be O.K with my morals.

My parents nor DH would have chosen our relationship, or how many DC we had or the time interval between them, even when we started despite having been married years and I'm not sure how happy our families have been at times - well I know they weren't as they said which TBH wasn't helpful.

Um...people judge. Mothers are judged the second someone finds out they're pregnant.

^^ Truth

oh give over with all the outrage - only one poster on this thread made the 'easy lay' 'hive of stis' comment.

When did anyone say this was due to class? God this thread is moving so fast.

FWIW the woman I know who has four children by four fathers is well educated and does nicely or herself financially. It's drama drama drama on the relationship front through. Grandparents everywhere, Christmas is split all over the shop and school holidays involve military precision or who's spending time with who. There's few holidays mother and all children are together at once.

Would I judge, yes I probably would, 2 of the children have relationships with their fathers and the other 2 have none this will hurt emotionally. She's in a crap job so probably best to avoid these situations and yes accidents happen but 4 times?

Whilst I would also judge the fathers especially the 2 that have disappeared they may have only had 1 child.

There seems to be a lot of goady threads around today.

I blame the Tories.

Randall I'm not upset, just a little annoyed but thanks to you all. She got her answers.

Yes it is always the Tories fault

Of course this idea that it is abnormal for a woman to have children with more than one man is a very modern one. In the Middle Ages or even in Victorian times it would have been perfectly normal: high mortality and the need for a woman to have a man to support her saw to that.

What are the spreadsheets for? Do you use it to follow posters round bringing up their opinions on this subject in unrelated threads, or to make sure you can always disagree in the future?

Wonder if people will print them off to take to the meet ups?

Yup that was me, using the words "esay lay" and "sti hive". Dont tarnish others with a brush that is meant for me.

I am sorry. It was extremely crass of me. I apologize.

Not having a good couple of days. I should shut up. Sorry for derailing thread.

The tories get in somehow. .....
Quite apparent how.

It seems to me whenever shiney Dave has spouted a load of shite .

These sort of threads pop up for the next week or two.first time posters,contentious subjects,benefit bashing.single mother bashing.

Might be coincidence.I doubt it though.

OP

I would never start a thread about a very good friend of mine being in a position where I knew she'd come in for some stick.
She is either not such a good friend or you are deliberately trying to goad.
Several posters have agreed it is nobody elses business, I wonder why you have made it yours.

but the reasons why women were having children by more than one man is because women had very little means to support themselves. they had to get married, contraception was not available and women often had numerous children many were either pregnant or bf nearly their whole adult life :(

If we all had unprotected sex every time we had sex, and with all our sexual partners, and nobody ever used any contraception, we would I bet, have more than just 4 kids by 4 men.

The female body is built to procreate, that is why we menstruate and produce eggs throughout our adult lives. Having an active sex-life means you get 12 changes per year of getting pregnant. Not counting times were you already are pregnant or breastfeeding, or your body is recovering after childbirth.

My gran had 7 kids. Not counting 2 miscarriages and 1 still born. In those days there were no contraception. Only difference is that she was married and only had one partner.

Why should every relationship produce a child?

4 kids with 4 men? And none of them around? What would happen to the kids if something (god forbid) happened to mum?

Just hide it SP. I know it's hard when there's a thread that really strikes a nerve but honestly, it's the best thing to do.

There's nothing that depresses me more on here than seeing people defending themselves or their friends/family because some horrible small-minded arses have made snap judgments about them based on nothing but ignorant stereotyping.

Well all of you who are judging can now judge me..

I'm a 4x4 as people have said and I'm pregnant with my 5th baby.

I was pregnant at 15 with DC1 a horrible time for me, I was so scared of telling my parents that I booked myself in for an abortion on my 16th birthday so I knew they wouldn't tell them and on the day I couldn't go through with it and told my mum. Her reaction was expected and she threw me out.
After a few months of being homeless I moved in with a horrible man that abused me so much he nearly killed me. After that I begged my parents for a deposit on a flat so I could move and they agreed.

All sort of ok after that, at 24 I met a man that I thought was the love of my life, after all that I had been through before just having someone who cared and loved me a little bit meant the world to me. He proposed to me and I gladly accepted. Then found out I was pregnant with DC2, then it all changed because it turns out he was already married. Awful break up but he is still with his wife.

I met another lovely man at 26 and after 4 years together I found myself pregnant again, he didn't treat my other children as he did DC3 and there were a lot of commitment issues for him which ended up with him jilting me at the alter. I can honestly say that was the darkest time of my life.

I met my current partner and fell pregnant very quickly, we now have DC4 and I am pregnant with DC5. He is the most wonderful man and loves my children like his own and we are a proper family unit.

This is all I have ever wanted. I am unable to take any hormonal contraception (pill, coil, injection etc) because of a medical condition and I have been begging for a sterilisation since DC2 birth but it was only after I had dc4 that they agreed and I found out I was pregnant again 2 mins before I was due to have surgery.

everybody's life is different and I wouldn't judge anyone who had children by different men, all I have ever wanted is to be married to the father of my children, I hate being a 'Miss' with (nearly) 5 children but its just how things are.

I do feel unworthy and insecure about myself but my children have never seen this and my beautiful DC1 is nearly 16 and I am amazed at the wonderful person she has become.

Oh and I have always worked (many many jobs) to support us all, so please don't judge us all as feckless and incompetent some of us have just had a really bad roll of the dice.

I don't vote Tory.

I still think this is a very sad situation, and what's sadder is that she does have some control over it, but for some reason, chooses not to exercise that control in a wise, mature manner. I just can't for the life of me see how this situation can be GOOD for the kids. I am not doubting that she's a good Mum, just that she'd be a better Mum with fewer kids to bring up.

'Spreadsheets' is a turn of phrase. I disagree with plenty of perfectly lovely people all the time it would be very odd not to, but occasionally people say things that go beyond a normal difference of opinion.