4 children 4 dads

[fll85]

One of my close friends is expecting her 4th baby. She is getting a lot of stick from other people in our group of friends, and even some strangers, because the 4 children have different dads.

AIBU not to see this as an issue? She is a fab mum to the 3 she has. What business is it of other people and does it matter?

I would be judgy as I said (no way would I voice my opion) but I cant see the correlation between how many people she has slept with, how often ect and choosing to have 4 children. Why would she be slaggy just becuase she has 4 different dads. My issue is more a lack of judgment having a child when not being supported by the dad and then repeating

Its not uncommon where I live for women to have babies to men they arnt in a relationship with and not just the one. To me its odd but guess each to their own.

No problem at all. As long as the kids are loved and cared for that is all that matters. Hopefully the fathers do take responsibility for their kids.

I think it's time we began questioning whether we should remodel society in recognition of the fact that the traditional nuclear family is not the reality for the majority of children anymore. Maybe its time has passed.

Sorry Raisah, but that's a piece of unmitigated bollocks. Where do you think the other fathers DNA was being stored, exactly?

In fact with a little bit of googling, I've found the exact opposite of that statement - changing partners between pregnancies active diminishes the risk or pre term birth:

Given the strong risk of recurrence, the genetic aspects of preterm delivery have become a matter of keen interest. Several studies suggest that a new partner between pregnancies reduces the risk of preterm delivery. A study carried out by Li suggested that among women with a preterm delivery at gestational age less than 34 weeks, changing partners resulted in a 33% reduction in the risk of preterm delivery in the subsequent pregnancy, compared to those who did not change partners (Li, 1999) However, a change in partners may reflect an association with long inter-pregnancy intervals rather than the influence of the partner’s genetics per se. A more recent and extensive study of this hypothesis suggested that fathers contributed little to the preterm delivery risk (Wilcox, et al., 2008)

Sorry raisalh but that sounds like crap. I'm no expert but I suspect his medical knowledge may have been on a par with his confidentiality

Well most of mums babies were late or on time and she had 3 DNAs

I guess the difference between 1 or 2 different fathers and 4 is the fact that she doesn't seem to learn from previous mistakes?

Unbelievably judgemental, especially not knowing the circumstances. And that SHE doesn't seem to learn from previous mistakes? Did she do this by herself? Don't think so. Why is the female always doled out the blame in these situations?

Interesting that people say "none of my business, but I would judge." How sad to see all the smug "well, I only had xxx number of children with ONE man, my husband" Well, lucky you.

It doesn't matter what a woman does, there seem to be other people (scarily enough, often another woman) ready to tear them down....

Oh yes poor kids having a mother looking after them alone.

OFFS! Now it really IS getting offensive!

Do you realise how many single mothers - and fathers - are bringing their children up alone around the world?!

By the way, both Bill Clinton and Bob Marley to name a few were those "poor kids"...

You can shove your prejudice up yer ass!

Sadly I predicted many of these judgemental posts ... You said she's a great mum, that's all that matters

Amanda Have you read the thread before jumping on me for that?! It was a sarcastic comment to another post! I'm a fucking single mother!

Read the thread!

It was a reply to my post, Amanda

but everyone ignored it when I said I was effectively a single parent

Raisah that post should win a prize for the biggest load of bullshit posted on the Internet ever.

Back the fuck off with your snidey judgements of a woman's life, based on on nothing more then knowing she's had sex with 4 different people in 6 years.

But it seems really irresponsible to have 4 relationships that have ended up with 4 children.

If you are not suited to contraception, don't shag... or have kids that you can afford to raise.

At 27 my mum had 4 children, 2 fathers and only 1 planned.

At 40 she had 7 to 3 dads. What a terrible role model she is.

SPsTwerkingNineToFive

...well yes, she is an awful model.

Dahlen I absolutely agree with you

Yes completely, totally agree. What a bitch she was leaving my arsehole of a bio dad and settling down with the man I call dad and marrying him before having children. It didn't work out and they went separate ways and she remarried and had two children then who she is still with.

3 men in 24 years.

2 which she married and 1 who was a nob.

Think what you want but I'm proud of my mum for what she has done. None of it easy but she is finally happy. She is a great role.model to me and my siblings and that's all that matters.

4 sexual partners in 10 years.

2 long term relationships in 10 years

2 planned pregnancies in 10 years

2 accidental pregnancies in 10 years

Oh yeah, what a shocker she is. Sheesh, go outside and give your heads a shake.

What a horrible thread this is.

SPs you don't have to justify your mums situation she's brought up a daughter who has compassion and understanding which is a lot more than some posters on this thread have

I think it's worth separating the parent's actions from the welfare of the child. It's possible for a child to have a really shit time of things in childhood because of their parent's actions, without either parent being a bad or feckless person.

Relationships break up all the time. Last time I checked love, hope and optimism weren't moral crimes and tend to make people much warmer and more caring than the colder cynics who never put a foot wrong because they are too controlled to take a risk.

But even if a woman has had a totally unforseeable run of bad luck that has nothing to do with her 'worthiness' - dad 1 died, dad 2 turned out to be abusive, dad 3 just didn't work out, etc - it's foolish to deny that bonding to and losing three father figures is not going to be easy on a child.

I don't think it's wrong to acknowledge that without it being interpreted as passing judgement on the mum. Part of being a good parent is recognition of the fact that sometimes we do things that don't work out well and we have to deal with it in order to minimise the damage to our children.

I'm not talking about the OP's friend or anyone on this thread; just generally.

Complex
If I actually say what I want to say, I would get deleted.
My motto for life is "a bit of empathy goes a long way" . My Great Grandmother, Ulrika, SPs Mom, my mate from school, all good women whose lives haven't necessarily taken the turn they wanted.

Jesus fucking Christ.

This thread is disgusting.

You should all be fucking ashamed of yourselves.

And I earn pretty rubbish money, so I guess I'm a bad role model too

I actually can't believe the things people have said here. I'm in shock.

Misogyny and holier than thou judgement at it's very best.