Weddings abroad

[FreeWee]

Is it just me or are they an excuse to shift the cost of a wedding onto the guests, away from the hosts, the bride and groom? DH is best man at one next year, chosen because the bride and groom can't afford a wedding in the UK apparently. But we can't really afford to go abroad with our DD when DH will have been in full time education for a year. AIBU?

Well, there's inconsiderate behaviour due to selfishness/ ignorance , and there's financially reckless behaviour due to cowardice. Can't see how you're in any position to criticise the B&G's selfish behaviour by responding with a plan that' s both selfish and stupid (because you are not considering the future needs of your child here,you are spending money you don't have in a bid to smooth over a friendship).

You can blame the bride and groom all you like, but until you (as a couple) start taking responsibility for your own actions then your complaints are difficult to justify.

'There are many, many examples where I've got into arguments with DH about pandering to their behaviour and sometimes he tells them how he'd like things and sometimes he tells me I need to suck it up. This is a suck it up occasion of massive proportions but one, with hindsight, of our own making because we should have said when they mooted the idea that it would be out of the question for us. We really thought it was a stupid idea they'd realise was stupid and not actually do. '

And therein lies the problem.

Stupid is as stupid does.

So just to clarify OP, you are going to get flights cheaply and share accomodation with friends and make it into your family holiday.

Does this mean you won't be staying at the venue? If so that will be an interesting discussion and one where you are absolutely in the right .Bride and groom will be annoyed as they have costed it based on the entire bridal party staying there so they will incur lots of additional cost if you don't stay there, but they absolutely cannot insist that you stay at a certain location.

if you can't afford it, you can't afford it. I would tell them that you unfortunately cannot afford to attend. They will find someone else to be best man (perhaps from the wider family).

When they were throwing the idea around did your dp agree that he would be best man and attend abroad wedding? Thinking it would never happen? If that is the case then yabu to moan about it now and call them selfish and unreasonable. They discussed it before they booked!

You are planning to risk your family's financial security rather than lose face and admit to your friends that you cant afford this.

Cant you see that this is feckless behaviour? It is no different from buying a plasma telly on tick when you cant afford the repayments.

I agree.

OP you are creating a financial burden for your family rather than say No. It's really foolish. Your DH needs to think again, as do you!

I don't understand why you can't say no and be clear why. What do you think might happen if you did?

If you said no, they might be pissed off. But they shouldn't be pissed off since your financial situation is something you can't currently help.

You are effectively putting the couple before your own family.

Would they do the same for you?