WIBU to move out and take everything

[FarOverTheRainbow]

Bit of background. My OH decided to end out relationship a few days ago. We have 1 DC under 1. I don't want the relationship to end at all, we have our problems and decieded we would give it one last try for each other but a couple of weeks in after telling me he had no intention of ending things he no has. I'm heart broken. We rent a house of his parents and they have said if I stay they will increase the rent to so can't afford to stay so I'm moving out with DD. The tenancy is all in my name. XP has said he is moving in wen I love out so the only things I'm allowed to take is DDs things because he needs the rest. I'm a SAHM mum and he has a good paying job, I think should have most the bigger stuf like fridge, dryer, sofa but he says I have nothing. When we brought anything we both put money into everything and had 1 pit so it was all just "ours" I'm angry I'm being forced out my home with DD and now he says I'm not allowed anything. So WIVU to take it anyway?

Please don't flame me if I am, my heads a mess, I've lost my whole life and now I'm expected to start again from
Nothing while he has everything

AIBU by not letting her go the 5 hours? I really don't think I am but he's crying saying I'm being terrible. My friend has said that seems as she's ill and wants to keep BF it would be reasonable of me to not let her go at all but I'm trying to be fair?

Someone please tell me I'm really doubting myself but I know my DD and she's been such a boob monster ??

You've been to the doctors with her, don't worry about how he is going to spin it to people. Loads of kids get illness after illness this time of year. If he can't make reasonable decisions for his daughter's benefit, you'll have to make them for him. Do not put his wants over her needs. Tell him no. Turn your phone off, and if he comes to your house to cause a scene call the police.

I believe that's what I'm doing and putting DD first but he makes
Me doubt myself so I didn't know of from an outsider view if IABU or not

? Anyone

Reiterate in a text, that he is welcome to see her but for a short period of time as she is ill and is constantly breastfeeding. You will have proof you've compromised. Maybe say he can take her out for an hour. An ill grumpy baby isn't much fun and he'll be desperate to bring her back.

I agree, text proof is great. Considering how he is, it's better to communicate by text as much as possible. He will be forced to be more civil for one thing. Tell him you've turned the ringer off because it bothers her, but he can text instead.

I think it's totally reasonable to keep her at home when she's ill actually. She's been to the doctor, so he'll just have to man up and wait unless you're happy for him to come over for a short visit. It's really not fair to drag her out of the house just because he's throwing a tantrum.

He can see her for the full 5 hours as soon as she's better.

And it would be totally and absolutely reasonable, BTW, to say you don't want him in your house so he will have to wait until she's better.

Thank you!! I've worried so much that maybe IABU but I'm glad to hear others don't think so. I messaged him saying that I hope he can see that I'm
Putting DDs needs
First and I'd
Much rather she wasn't ill and i know it hurts him not to see her but it hurts me see'ing her ill. She wants to constantly bf so she needs to be with me so she can do that. The longest she's gone without feeding is 2 hours so as a compromise DD can go for 2 hours. I want to be fair and help him see DD but her needs must come first.

He's agreed 2 hours because that's all the choice I've given him so she's going at 2. If she was misrable the whole time he wouldn't bring her back out of principle

He did try and make me give him
Her over the weekend and I said I'm
Not changing from out agreement and putting myself at any risk from changing the original agreement and he said if he's allowed her this weekend he'll make sure it's not wrote down and it will just be between us but I said we can stick to the agreement we have and they'll be no risk of any confusion.

Thank you!! I've worried so much that maybe IABU but I'm glad to hear others don't think so. I messaged him saying that I hope he can see that I'm
Putting DDs needs
First and I'd
Much rather she wasn't ill and i know it hurts him not to see her but it hurts me see'ing her ill. She wants to constantly bf so she needs to be with me so she can do that. The longest she's gone without feeding is 2 hours so as a compromise DD can go for 2 hours. I want to be fair and help him see DD but her needs must come first.

He's agreed 2 hours because that's all the choice I've given him so she's going at 2. If she was misrable the whole time he wouldn't bring her back out of principle

He did try and make me give him
Her over the weekend and I said I'm
Not changing from out agreement and putting myself at any risk from changing the original agreement and he said if he's allowed her this weekend he'll make sure it's not wrote down and it will just be between us but I said we can stick to the agreement we have and they'll be no risk of any confusion.

He constantly makes me feel
Anxiety. It sometimes feels so werid that we still aren't together. I don't want him back but I mean the life we had just gone.

Wish I didn't bother letting her go he was just vile. Why I bother trying to be fair with him I don't know he can't be civil back.

Lesson learned then, don't ignore your instincts.
There is nothing and nobody to force you to hand her over, so go tell him to fuck himself.

report him to everything and everyone you can.

Tell him that in future you won't allow access against your better judgement and for him to insist on her being taken away from her source of care (someone who WILL change a nappy at least) that he is being neglectful of her and you won't allow that.

Tell him to man up and BE a decent dad and then he'll be treated like one.

Lesson learned completely.

I tried phoning my HV but she wasnt in so going to phone tomorrow and talk to her then

Glad I had my friend with me at drop off and going to pick her up now

He dropped her off 10 min late with his parents and we agreed his mum would never be at pick up or drop off and yet she was. He hasn't put her nappy on so she is completely soaked in her own mess for the second time in 2 weeks! I'm
Fuming

Would it be wrong to send him this message

"Could you please tell me if you had to give DD any calpol? Has she eaten? And can you please make sure you put her nappy on right so she doesn't get socked in her own mess yet again"

I'm sure he only came with his parents to intimate me

I'm sure he only came with his parents to intimate me

Yes, he's punishing you by bringing them.

I would send a text as unemotive as you possibly can. "Has dd eaten? When was calpol given? Her nappy was not on properly, so she was soaked in urine when you returned her. We agreed your parents would not be at hand-overs."

That way it is all logged, but you can't be accused of doing anything inflammatory, or making demands.

Next time, keep her at home if she's ill.

Send the text, then get HV advice, you need to log this, its domestic abuse.

I sent the text and what a suprise I got lies back. I just kept is short and said I did tell you about the medication then what I said and I did tell you about food. Blah blah. He apparently can't believe how petty I'm being so I said I'm not I've asked for us to be covil and you ignore me and I worded it so there was no need to text back which thankfully he hasn't.

Ill phone my HV tomorrow. She's lovely and explain it all to her

I think maybe now might be a good time to get my solicitor to send a letter out basically saying I'm not going to and don't have to tolerate being his verbal
Punching bag and I have asked for him to e civil and keep his nasty thoughts to himself while we do hand overs and if it continues then I'm not going to feel comfortable meeting him for hangovers. Also that we agreed his
Mother and sister would not be present so I would appricate him sticking that

Any thoughts?

I'm sick of feeling panic and anxiety over him I really am

I think maybe now might be a good time to get my solicitor to send a letter out basically saying I'm not going to and don't have to tolerate being his verbal
Punching bag and I have asked for him to e civil and keep his nasty thoughts to himself while we do hand overs and if it continues then I'm not going to feel comfortable meeting him for hangovers. Also that we agreed his
Mother and sister would not be present so I would appricate him sticking that

Any thoughts?

I'm sick of feeling panic and anxiety over him I really am

If he contacts you again, send him a text telling him NOT to contact you again.

He's of no benefit to anyone. Not to you, not to your dd. He can't do the right thing by either of you, so therefore you don't have to subject yourself, or your dd to this.

Stop all contact. He can't sort her nappy, feed her or give her meds.

His mother would be practically peeing her pants in excitement at seeing the poor baby suffer.

They are too sick to have anything to do with her.

Don't answer any more calls, don't got to meet ups and don't open the door to them.

If he contacts you again, send him a text telling him NOT to contact you again.

He's of no benefit to anyone. Not to you, not to your dd. He can't do the right thing by either of you, so therefore you don't have to subject yourself, or your dd to this.

Stop all contact. He can't sort her nappy, feed her or give her meds.

His mother would be practically peeing her pants in excitement at seeing the poor baby suffer.

They are too sick to have anything to do with her.

Don't answer any more calls, don't got to meet ups and don't open the door to them.

I think your right Hissy I'm just scared of the fall out and the possibility of losing in court and him getting more access and me not being able to do a thing about it.

I just can't live like this any more. He stresses me out so much, stops me eating, makes me feel like shit and I've had enough. I just wish he wouldn't fight me on this. I really do feel like I've been fair, I would much rather close my door and ignore him forever but I feel like I've given him the chance to step up and be a dad and he hasn't done it so how much more can I keep trying?