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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WIBU to move out and take everything

975 replies

FarOverTheRainbow · 30/09/2013 08:15

Bit of background. My OH decided to end out relationship a few days ago. We have 1 DC under 1. I don't want the relationship to end at all, we have our problems and decieded we would give it one last try for each other but a couple of weeks in after telling me he had no intention of ending things he no has. I'm heart broken. We rent a house of his parents and they have said if I stay they will increase the rent to so can't afford to stay so I'm moving out with DD. The tenancy is all in my name. XP has said he is moving in wen I love out so the only things I'm allowed to take is DDs things because he needs the rest. I'm a SAHM mum and he has a good paying job, I think should have most the bigger stuf like fridge, dryer, sofa but he says I have nothing. When we brought anything we both put money into everything and had 1 pit so it was all just "ours" I'm angry I'm being forced out my home with DD and now he says I'm not allowed anything. So WIVU to take it anyway?

Please don't flame me if I am, my heads a mess, I've lost my whole life and now I'm expected to start again from
Nothing while he has everything

OP posts:
Hissy · 13/11/2013 15:11

If there is any abuse, you can tell them to leave and you will call a professional in and deduct the money from the rent.

You can ask him to leave, and call 101/999 if he gets nasty.

Original poster
FarOverTheRainbow · 13/11/2013 15:15

I don't think he will be out right nasty but I think they'll be sly digs, his dads very cleaver and will no how to make me feel like shit but not in an obvious way. The last time I seen him I think was when he came to apologise for screaming and slagging me off when I was on the other side of the door BF DD and wouldn't do what he wanted so he stood there on purpose doing it Sad

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HoratiaDrelincourt · 13/11/2013 15:19

What Hissy said. Also call the police if they try to take away anything they didn't bring (so tools fine, furniture not fine).

Good luck. Imagine a hundred MNers crammed into your bedroom cheering you on.

Original poster
FarOverTheRainbow · 13/11/2013 15:37

I wish I could have a couple of MNers with me, I'm sure it would soon put them in their place Grin

OP posts:
Original poster
FarOverTheRainbow · 13/11/2013 17:11

Everything went fine his dad was nice and pie. Found out though that he and dragon have been looking afte DD today so I'm not happy at all

OP posts:
Original poster
FarOverTheRainbow · 13/11/2013 17:39

I'm fuming that he hasn't had her all day today. He pushed for these hours saying he didn't want her to forget hkm blah blah blah then he doesn't even have her. I'm
Going to say Monday if he's not having her then I will, his time is for him and seems as he's not then he can cut his hours 12-3. Is that BU?

OP posts:
Hissy · 13/11/2013 19:01

Stick to the rota, if he chooses to have hwr, fine, if not, fine.

He's pushing for a reaction. Don't rise.

Just shrug it off.

Will drive him batshit crazy, but he'll have no outlet.

Stay focused. You know you're going to utterly ruin his cozy little christmas a deux... he doesn't!

Hissy · 13/11/2013 19:05

Ah, just missed that HE gave her to his parents.

Thing is, nothing really you can do to stop that, unless you get it ordered to be supervised and I can't see that happening.

How was little one when you got her back?

Tell him you need more notice of changes, and try to work with them, your daughter's protection is more important than scoring points.

DollyTwat · 13/11/2013 19:42

Far I'd choose your battles, you've got enough going on at the moment without getting into a row about his parents having her. He's just going to say its so he can work

Original poster
FarOverTheRainbow · 13/11/2013 19:58

It pisses me of that he can kick off with me saying he wants more time with his little girl then he fucks her of on his parents. He knows I don't trust his mum to care for DD alone and if he isn't going to look after her then he should be with me. I'm fuming. His da seemed to enjoy telling me aswell.

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Original poster
FarOverTheRainbow · 13/11/2013 20:24

She should* not him I don't want him.

You know how you say get angry and fight, this has made me rage

OP posts:
kickassangel · 13/11/2013 22:21

Write down dates for all this. It is yet more evidence that he is working and claiming.

Wouldn't it be sad if he had to start paying child support and a huge fine for benefit fraud? Confused

bunchoffives · 13/11/2013 22:21

Just read the whole thread Far and I'm SO glad to see you finally getting angry. That man is a total bastard and has treated you and DD appallingly. Never mind blaming his parents, HE is the one that you should be angry with.

If you are worried about MIL looking after DD again tell him if it EVER happens again you will report him for benefit fraud and you have his text to prove that he is working and claiming. Not only will that sort it out but I suspect he will be shocked rigid to finally see that you have grown some balls and he will discover some badly needed respect for you.

Do both doors have fixed barrels on them? If I were you I would pay for whatever is needed to get a new lock. It is imperative that you feel safe in your own home.

Jux · 13/11/2013 22:55

Write it all down with dates and what was said, who said it etc. This is important.

ShinyBauble · 13/11/2013 23:01

Christ I don't blame you! Your little one is so small that I don't think they can really have a negative impact on her right now, but just know that when she reaches a certain age (7?) a court will take her wishes into consideration. So if granny and grandpa aren't wonderful with her, at some point they will reap what they sowed.

Original poster
FarOverTheRainbow · 14/11/2013 08:37

I'm still so angry this morning about it all Angry

I was ment to be going on the holiday I signed over today, I thought I'd be upset but the only thing that bothers me its that its so cold here!

I have my meeting with the council today too

OP posts:
Original poster
FarOverTheRainbow · 14/11/2013 19:30

My meeting at the council went well today, I got my letter stating they accept my application for homelessness. They've made me a priority for this week only so I've bid for 3 and I'm
Crossing my fingers and toes!! I asked of they haven't found me somewhere by the 1st would it go against me to refuse to move out and they said they recommend me not to move out and tell my landlord the council are helping me as as soon as I have somewhere ill move out and she said they won't want to pay the court cost so now landlords suck it up

OP posts:
Original poster
FarOverTheRainbow · 14/11/2013 19:30

My meeting at the council went well today, I got my letter stating they accept my application for homelessness. They've made me a priority for this week only so I've bid for 3 and I'm
Crossing my fingers and toes!! I asked of they haven't found me somewhere by the 1st would it go against me to refuse to move out and they said they recommend me not to move out and tell my landlord the council are helping me as as soon as I have somewhere ill move out and she said they won't want to pay the court cost so now landlords suck it up

OP posts:
bunchoffives · 14/11/2013 19:43

That's great Far, sounds really positive (if being made homeless by your ex and PILs can be described as such). At least you can see some movement now. Are the houses you bid on nice? Did the Council say whether you have a good chance?

You know what they say Far, the best revenge is to live your life well and be happy. I really hope you will be.

Original poster
FarOverTheRainbow · 14/11/2013 19:47

I'm really happy with the houses I've bidded on I just really really
Hope one comes through. They were the only decent ones on there. There's a way I can track my position and at the minute I'm
2nd on one and 3rd on another but there's still a full week left for
People to go one Hmm

OP posts:
inabeautifulplace · 14/11/2013 19:48

Just keep being a good person and things will go well for you and your DD. She will learn how to be a decent human being from you. Your ex will lose out as your child grows up and does not have a good relationship with him. Take care of each other and the petty goading of your ex will seem unimportant as time passes. Good luck with your new place :)

kickassangel · 14/11/2013 21:42

Good luck with te housing. Does it depend on how great your need is as to whether you are placed first etc?

Original poster
FarOverTheRainbow · 14/11/2013 21:46

Thank you Smile yeh if someone is going to be homeless before me then they will be more of a priority

OP posts:
bunchoffives · 14/11/2013 22:09

Everything crossed here for you Smile

AlbertoFrog · 14/11/2013 23:27

Good luck rainbow Thanks

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