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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WIBU to move out and take everything

975 replies

FarOverTheRainbow · 30/09/2013 08:15

Bit of background. My OH decided to end out relationship a few days ago. We have 1 DC under 1. I don't want the relationship to end at all, we have our problems and decieded we would give it one last try for each other but a couple of weeks in after telling me he had no intention of ending things he no has. I'm heart broken. We rent a house of his parents and they have said if I stay they will increase the rent to so can't afford to stay so I'm moving out with DD. The tenancy is all in my name. XP has said he is moving in wen I love out so the only things I'm allowed to take is DDs things because he needs the rest. I'm a SAHM mum and he has a good paying job, I think should have most the bigger stuf like fridge, dryer, sofa but he says I have nothing. When we brought anything we both put money into everything and had 1 pit so it was all just "ours" I'm angry I'm being forced out my home with DD and now he says I'm not allowed anything. So WIVU to take it anyway?

Please don't flame me if I am, my heads a mess, I've lost my whole life and now I'm expected to start again from
Nothing while he has everything

OP posts:
Original poster
FarOverTheRainbow · 12/11/2013 18:07

Do you think I should wait until I know his dad has cleared things with the council instead of pissing them off again?

OP posts:
Original poster
FarOverTheRainbow · 12/11/2013 18:10

Do you think I should wait until I know his dad has cleared things with the council instead of pissing them off again?

OP posts:
Hissy · 12/11/2013 19:20

Cleared what with the council?

Original poster
FarOverTheRainbow · 12/11/2013 19:23

There phoning his dad to ask him
To confirm I'm not in any rent arrears and I'm not being asked to
Leave the property through any fault
Of my own. They need his confirmation to pass one of the chels before they can move
On with my homeless application

OP posts:
Original poster
FarOverTheRainbow · 12/11/2013 19:23

There phoning his dad to ask him
To confirm I'm not in any rent arrears and I'm not being asked to Leave the property through any fault
Of my own. They need his confirmation to pass one of the checks before they can move
On with my homeless application

OP posts:
Hissy · 12/11/2013 19:32

Yep, let him do that, then hit them with the CSA.

And do pop into the benefits office and show them your Ex text about the cash in hand work, eh?

Original poster
FarOverTheRainbow · 12/11/2013 19:45

Yeh I'll wait and then do it.

It would be an awful shame if they found out what he was doing wouldn't it. He would know it was me but would they give him my name?

OP posts:
Hissy · 12/11/2013 22:25

I believe you can report benefit cheats anonymously.

Original poster
FarOverTheRainbow · 13/11/2013 08:52

I bet he would just say he had a job but couldn't take it otherwise he couldn't see DD

OP posts:
mitchsta · 13/11/2013 09:01

Might sound silly, but if you have a receipt for the blinds, then take them too. Take what is yours when the time comes. It's not petty - they are your things to take. If I was moving house, I'd take my curtains - you should take your blinds.

The action you're taking isn't just payback Far - it's doing the right thing - getting him to pay maintenance to your DD and reporting a benefits cheat. Please don't feel as though you're doing something wrong. I know I don't want to be paying my taxes so this pathetic excuse for a man can claim benefits while he's also working cash-in-hand - you're doing us all a favour.

Just to add that you're doing really well and your growing confidence is coming through in your posts. Keep going one day at a time. You and DD will soon be snuggled up safe and sound in your new home.

Original poster
FarOverTheRainbow · 13/11/2013 09:03

Thanks Mitch for some reason my anger has come down today and I feel nervous of what's to come Hmm

OP posts:
mitchsta · 13/11/2013 09:07

Don't worry about what he says. You have your agreement and that's what you're sticking to. If he'd applied for a [legal] job with different hours, that might be worth considering - but changing your agreement just because he has chance to sneak in a few illegal hours working isn't the same thing. If he can provide proof of his employer's name and address and a copy of his offer in writing then perhaps you can consider changing things. I'm saying this because I think we both know there is no such thing and your agreement will stay as it is.

mitchsta · 13/11/2013 09:14

Understandable what with him being a nasty bastard for so long - it's bound to take its toll. Just keep doing what you're doing. Every decision you make is for the best outcome for your DD overall. Contacting the CSA. Reporting his cash-in-hand. Staying put. Taking what's yours when you eventually do leave. It will all lead to a better outcome for your DD in the end. Just because he has no intention of paying any maintenance, doesn't mean you should let him off easily. Keep that in your mind when he twists your words and gets his effing sister to compose his text messages for him. You're doing what's right for your daughter.

Original poster
FarOverTheRainbow · 13/11/2013 11:00

The lady from the council phoned and they are accepting my application for homeless and I had to go and have an appointment and sign for my decision letter tomorrow

OP posts:
Original poster
FarOverTheRainbow · 13/11/2013 11:00

The lady from the council phoned and they are accepting my application for homeless and I had to go and have an appointment and sign for my decision letter tomorrow

OP posts:
TimidLivid · 13/11/2013 11:22

Great news another step towards a place of your own the end is in sight

Original poster
FarOverTheRainbow · 13/11/2013 12:20

Just dropped DD off and everything was fine. I mentioned that the fire alarm seems to be faulty and we use to have problems with the toliet getting blocked and he said its his dads responsibility to fix it and has just phoned to say shall him and his dad come to the house tonight when he's due to bring DD back to fix the problems. I told him I'd rather not see his dad but its either font get it fixed or that or I'm
Not looking forward to it Hmm

OP posts:
Original poster
FarOverTheRainbow · 13/11/2013 12:20

Just dropped DD off and everything was fine. I mentioned that the fire alarm seems to be faulty and we use to have problems with the toliet getting blocked and he said its his dads responsibility to fix it and has just phoned to say shall him and his dad come to the house tonight when he's due to bring DD back to fix the problems. I told him I'd rather not see his dad but its either font get it fixed or that or I'm
Not looking forward to it Hmm

OP posts:
Original poster
FarOverTheRainbow · 13/11/2013 12:21

I don't know why my phone keeps posting twice Angry

OP posts:
Original poster
FarOverTheRainbow · 13/11/2013 12:21

I don't know why my phone keeps posting twice Angry

OP posts:
Twoandtwomakeschaos · 13/11/2013 12:33

Surely only his Dad needs to come in to fix it as he's the Landlord? Sorry if I read the post wrong

Original poster
FarOverTheRainbow · 13/11/2013 12:40

Yeh but the problem with the toilet XP has fixed many times before and knows how to do it where his dad doesn't so he said they can both do one at the same time.

OP posts:
Original poster
FarOverTheRainbow · 13/11/2013 14:26

I am dreading 5 I know their desperate to have a good nosey

OP posts:
lizzzyyliveson · 13/11/2013 14:28

Can you get someone to come round for a cuppa while they are there? Even someone from next door, just to make the point that you are not alone.

Original poster
FarOverTheRainbow · 13/11/2013 14:36

Yeh my friend will be with me but I thought I wouldn't have to deal with any of them again and now that I have to see him face to face is bad enough.

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