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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WIBU to move out and take everything

975 replies

FarOverTheRainbow · 30/09/2013 08:15

Bit of background. My OH decided to end out relationship a few days ago. We have 1 DC under 1. I don't want the relationship to end at all, we have our problems and decieded we would give it one last try for each other but a couple of weeks in after telling me he had no intention of ending things he no has. I'm heart broken. We rent a house of his parents and they have said if I stay they will increase the rent to so can't afford to stay so I'm moving out with DD. The tenancy is all in my name. XP has said he is moving in wen I love out so the only things I'm allowed to take is DDs things because he needs the rest. I'm a SAHM mum and he has a good paying job, I think should have most the bigger stuf like fridge, dryer, sofa but he says I have nothing. When we brought anything we both put money into everything and had 1 pit so it was all just "ours" I'm angry I'm being forced out my home with DD and now he says I'm not allowed anything. So WIVU to take it anyway?

Please don't flame me if I am, my heads a mess, I've lost my whole life and now I'm expected to start again from
Nothing while he has everything

OP posts:
Original poster
FarOverTheRainbow · 10/11/2013 13:53

Is it a good idea to report it to the police or will it just look petty ? I think it will but others say not

OP posts:
Original poster
FarOverTheRainbow · 10/11/2013 18:01

Flank that is a very cleaver message! I would love to send it but I know everything will blow up right before my eyes Hmm

OP posts:
Original poster
FarOverTheRainbow · 10/11/2013 18:01

Flank that is a very cleaver message! I would love to send it but I know everything will blow up right before my eyes Hmm

OP posts:
PukingCat · 10/11/2013 19:53

Why would it blow up op? Its very reasonable and factual.

badgersoup · 10/11/2013 20:04

Sit tight until you can find somewhere else and just move out taking whatever you need I.e. All of it.

kickassangel · 11/11/2013 05:46

It may well be worth documenting things with the police. If they think you are at risk, they are more likely to respond quickly if he turns up and causes problems.
Also, does it make a difference to being able to claim legal aid? I thought that now you could get legal aid for a divorce if you had been abused.

He is attempting to control you. You're not a oet, but. A person and control is a form of abuse.

DO keep all evidence that he is currently earning, including an email from his sister saying that.

Original poster
FarOverTheRainbow · 11/11/2013 07:21

Puking it would blow up because they would somehow find a way to twist every word in that text. If I sneezed they would twist it so I'd just punched someone or something equally ridiculous Sad. No matter what I say they're lie and twist everything it's shocking some of the stuff they've done it too.

I'm glad that ill at least be here until after Christmas, I didn't know if as soon as they apply to the court it would be seen by a judge within days or so.

I think it's just domestic abuse you get legal aid with isn't it?

I'm nervous about drop off today but my friend is going to come with me, no doubt he'll bring his normal group of mates as his witnesses.

OP posts:
ChasedByBees · 11/11/2013 08:34

This is a form of domestic abuse though Far. He's threatening you and intimidating you. That is abuse. I would get it documented.

Original poster
FarOverTheRainbow · 11/11/2013 09:39

I will get it documented this morning just need to work out what to say, any help?

The hand over went fine he was moody and uninterested when I was trying to tell him stuff about DD

OP posts:
Hissy · 11/11/2013 16:19

Love, he is disinterested in the information you give him about DD, because he's not interested in DD, he only wants contact with her as a control mechanism over you.

Stick to your agreement, don't rearrange a thing and don't push him to have any involvement. TBH, the LAST thing you want is contact as he's unhealthy to be around.

Log it all, log the threats, the humiliation the shouting, the nastiness, log it all, ask to speak to the DV team at the police station. Make an appointment with your Dr, talk to you HV, get this all logged.

You will then have a chance on insisting on supervised access.

Original poster
FarOverTheRainbow · 11/11/2013 19:59

The information I gave him was relating to him having DD that day but he wasnt interested in it.

I'm not changing the agreement, I'd change times to compromise but that's it.

The council have phoned me and apparently the paper work is okay. They are contacting his dad to make sure there's no rent arrears and I'm nt being evicted through any fault of y own, I'm worried about what they might say as sometimes rent was paid in cash. She said that I will get made a priority for one week and I can bid on 3 properties and if I'm not successful they will chose somewhere for me and if I don't accept then they don't have to help me. She also asked of I have anywhere I can move to on the 1st because I won't have anywhere by then

OP posts:
Hissy · 11/11/2013 21:12

Remember what you were told, stay put.

Original poster
FarOverTheRainbow · 11/11/2013 21:18

I am. I'm worried they could say I'm in rent arrears thinking "haha Far will have to stay with her mother longer" er no I won't ill point out the mistake to the coucil and see you in court and I will drag it out as long as possible and I won't pay rent either. Ill out every penny in a seperate account so when I'm ordered to pay the money's there but it will hit them where it hurts going without the money

OP posts:
TimidLivid · 12/11/2013 10:28

Stay angry and don't let the feckers get to you

Hissy · 12/11/2013 13:17

You still have to pay the rent even if you're staying put. Make sure it's done via a provable method.

Hissy · 12/11/2013 13:28

The issue is here that you are staying until they legally ask/tell/force you to leave.

The notice they've served is illegal, so the risk is that if you adhere to it, the council 'could' say that you needn't have left and therefore aren't homeless.

Read the post where you detailed what you were told.

You can't leave unless you're legally forced to.

Original poster
FarOverTheRainbow · 12/11/2013 13:41

I was thinking that if I get a council place signed for then I won't move out until to all done and I have the keys for somewhere new, otherwise I'm not moving out until legally forced to.

I know ill still have to pay the rent I'm just so pissed off with them that I want to withhold it because I know how much it will piss them off and put them out. I feel like I want to be difficult but I do understand that might be the wrong thing to do

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Hissy · 12/11/2013 13:58

Let me outline what happens when a normal relationship breaks down, and for one reason or another the DP has to ask his GF to leave her home.

Relationships end, for many reasons, and not all screaming at one another. This guy has clearly thought about ending it for a while and has decided to do so. Nowt wrong with that. It's better than staying in a relationship that doesn't work. hands down.

This guy, considering that he has had a child with this woman would manage this situation with care, he would give her a decent amount of time for her to find somewhere else - i.e a good 3m without even mentioning notice. He HAS somewhere rent free to stay, and his family can - as a favour to him - treat the mother of their GC with some kindness and respect.

He would then tell her in advance of the notice that he had to do this as it's a legal requirement, and he would soften the blow wherever possible.

he would make it financially fair, he would make sure that if she needed help with the deposit, even if 6m upfront were needed, and potentially a guarantor/reference that she would have it.

In short he would do exactly the extreme polar flaming opposite to what your shower of shite Ex is doing to you.

Hissy · 12/11/2013 14:01

Oh but you ARE going to get your wish Far you ARE going to be difficult, but they don't know it yet.

You will need to remove everything you have a receipt for and put it in storage, strip that place as far as you can.

If he says a thing, tell him that you have the receipts, and if he want's to BUY the item off you, that you would be prepared to consider offers. IF this is an item you genuinely don't want/need.

Original poster
FarOverTheRainbow · 12/11/2013 14:17

Yeh they have no idea that ill refuse to move out of this house and it will piss them
Off royally! I could be petty and take the blinds down seem as I have the receipt for them aswell

I want to be difficult but be perfectly within my legal rights if that makes sense? They've put me through he'll and his mother ruined my family, I agree he's at fault to but if she let us be a family we still would e and we would all be happy so they can all fuck off and it's about time they got some karma I think

can you tell I'm angry today

OP posts:
Hissy · 12/11/2013 14:58

If you have the receipt, it's yours. All bets are off, the gloves are off.

You ARE within your legal rights, what's yours and you can prove it, is yours and yours alone. Unless HE can prove otherwise.

His mother didn't ruin your family, your Ex did that. Even if he were just weak and let her, it'd still be HIS job to defend his family and fight for it. he failed. he failed you, he failed his daughter, he failed his family. HE DID.

Every crappy thing his parents have done, HE has allowed/supported. By doing so, that makes HIM worse!

Good, about bloody time that you get angry Grin Now go do something constructive with it!

Original poster
FarOverTheRainbow · 12/11/2013 15:14

I'm going to tell hkm tomorrow that seems as he's refusing to pay towards DD he's given me no choice but to go to the CSA, I know he's claiming so I won't get a penny but at least them along with that and the texts he's sent me about workif and earning money will put him in a difficult corner when this eventually goes to court

OP posts:
MrTumblesKnickers · 12/11/2013 15:27

Just read the whole thread and by god, your ex is a twat isn't he? What an utterly nasty man. I remember the weird MIL from other threads.

Sorry, nothing constructive to add but just sending you a high five as it sounds like you're doing bloody well without him.

Hissy · 12/11/2013 16:58

Don't tell him. let him have the nasty surprise.

seriously

Jux · 12/11/2013 17:39

Agree, don't tell him. Keep your cards very close to your chest at the moment. As soon as they know what your intentions are they will move to thwart them and muck you up again.