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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

WIBU to move out and take everything

975 replies

FarOverTheRainbow · 30/09/2013 08:15

Bit of background. My OH decided to end out relationship a few days ago. We have 1 DC under 1. I don't want the relationship to end at all, we have our problems and decieded we would give it one last try for each other but a couple of weeks in after telling me he had no intention of ending things he no has. I'm heart broken. We rent a house of his parents and they have said if I stay they will increase the rent to so can't afford to stay so I'm moving out with DD. The tenancy is all in my name. XP has said he is moving in wen I love out so the only things I'm allowed to take is DDs things because he needs the rest. I'm a SAHM mum and he has a good paying job, I think should have most the bigger stuf like fridge, dryer, sofa but he says I have nothing. When we brought anything we both put money into everything and had 1 pit so it was all just "ours" I'm angry I'm being forced out my home with DD and now he says I'm not allowed anything. So WIVU to take it anyway?

Please don't flame me if I am, my heads a mess, I've lost my whole life and now I'm expected to start again from
Nothing while he has everything

OP posts:
Hissy · 15/10/2013 14:12

RTFT Sounder ;-)

FarOverTheRainbow · 15/10/2013 14:12

If you have then I think the last thing I am is entitled

OP posts:
Ledkr · 15/10/2013 14:30

sounder
Do fuck off you idiot!

Hissy · 15/10/2013 14:31

Ignore the fool Far, they can't be bothered to read the thread before vomiting on a thread.

Editededition · 15/10/2013 14:45

You really need a good solicitor on your side, to advise you, so you stay legal but are not walked all over OP.
Most will give a free first consultation - in the meantime, I would post a query in Legal (just watch for the qualified posters, rather than listening to the occasional shouter who actually doesn't know the Law they are usually shut up quite quickly by those who do know exactly what they are talking about )

FarOverTheRainbow · 15/10/2013 17:30

I've spoken to a solicitor and have been given some great advice on how to deal with different things that might come up while protecting myself and DD but staying in the right side of a court room.

OP posts:
FarOverTheRainbow · 15/10/2013 17:30

I'm starting to feel a little more positive at the minute. A little excited about moving somewhere and making me and DD a home and choosing my own decorations and things

OP posts:
GatoradeMeBitch · 15/10/2013 18:06

Is that your thing sounder, popping up on threads you haven't read just to make yourself sound like a twat? Well done...

GatoradeMeBitch · 15/10/2013 18:11

Good for you Far Smile

I have some experience coping as a single parent of a small child, there may be things you are entitled to - check out the Family Fund, and when you move find out whether the HA/council provide decorating materials. There are also some decent furniture banks around, my aunt works at one. They take in second hand furniture, and recover the sofas, etc. You can find some really nice things.

FarOverTheRainbow · 16/10/2013 19:39

Thank you for the tip ill look into it. There's a loan you can do from the council and pay back weekly with no interest bu you have to be claiming benefits for a certain period of time so that's no good.

I'm feeling really good today, decieded to have a little party for DDs birthday this weekend and I'm really looking forward to it. I was dreading her birthday thinking immgoing to feel so shit and everything but I'm feeling positive today Smile

OP posts:
GatoradeMeBitch · 16/10/2013 21:22

That's great Far I'm really pleased for you!

BooHissy · 16/10/2013 22:27

Me too! well done love, this is a good day, there will be more to come!

Cityofgold · 16/10/2013 22:45

Really glad things are looking up Far. There will be many more good days to come.
When you feel more settled the CSA is a good option - get the money sorted by a third party or formerly laid down. You and DD ned that stability, and he needs to pay.
The somewhat hysterical advice of Hissy to withhold access is a poor option for all concerned - DD is still very much the responsibility of both of you, marginalising him and suggesting his relationship with DD is any less important that your is not the right way to go IMO.
Best wishes.

GatoradeMeBitch · 17/10/2013 00:02

I don't think she was suggesting that Far withhold access altogether, I think it was in reference to the baby being ill and needing to be with her Mum.

I don't mean this snarkily and I say that because it's hard to read tone in an internet comment, but the baby has rights too, and they should come above the rights of her father, and her mother. When they're ill, a decent parent would prioritise their child's comfort, not have a tantrum because they didn't get their allotted time.

He sounds like a waste of space quite frankly. Far generously invited him round to see his sick child, and he spent the time having a go at her. He was even happy to suggest that his one year old sleep in a homeless shelter. And he seems to be expecting Far to take on the full financial burden of raising their child, he even wants to take their furniture away! So, yes, Far is definitely the most important parent!

BooHissy · 17/10/2013 01:02

Listen CoG, this man is abusing her every time he comes near here.

Every access visit she's been shouted at, he's been nasty, threatening whether she's alone or not.

Her child is ill. He only cares about himself, not even thought to ask about his DD, isn't paying a bean, is slinging her out, and her MIL likes to make/hear the baby cry.

Why should our valient op hand a sick, BF baby to this man? When the child is not going to be cared for, already hasn't been cared for by either?

It's sensible, not hysterical.

What you don't get is that Far is being bullied, has been for ages, by this diabolic duo, and some quiet time, without them tearing her to pièces would be the only decent thing to do.

She's asked for space, not got it. She's asked for civility, not got it.

This guy doesn't care about the welfare of anything outside his pants!

He's not capable, nor prepared to care for this child. What's more he actually wants to make that child suffer instead of being in the best place for her.

He's sick, his mother's sick, and Far and her DD are better off without.

No child should have access to an abusive, tormenting man like this.

Far needs distance to gain perspective. This man is not her partner anymore, he's her landlord's son, and harassing her.

She has rights. She has power, she just needs to find and use them.

BooHissy · 17/10/2013 01:06

That 'man' and his mother need to learn that they don't call the shots, and the baby is the only one that's important here.

The rights of the tenant, the mother and the baby are being trampled here. That man must be told he doesn't order anyone around, and certainly not if he's not even covering his basic responsibility.

He's not a father, he's an abomination!

namechangeforareasonablereason · 17/10/2013 01:09

I am moving out - I am taking the children, therefore i am taking everything, its as simple as that

FarOverTheRainbow · 17/10/2013 08:26

This thread has and is giving me so much help and support ThanksThanks

OP posts:
Ledkr · 17/10/2013 10:00

Well done far we knew you would get here.
city have you read the whole thread and her previous one?
I'm sure if op didn't respect the fathers rights and his relationship with his dd then she wouldn't be entertaining any contact after the way he and his mother have behaved.
As for joint responsibility how about him being happy to chuck his child out and not paying anything towards her.
This is a young breast fed baby and the dad is a berk with a dangerous parent!

InLoveWithDavidTennant · 17/10/2013 11:02

i remember your other thread too. so sorry that its all come to this now... though not that sorry as they are a bunch of arses Wink

oh and please please contact csa. its not money for you, its money for your dd. you say you dont need it, and thats fine, but please get it and put it in a bank account for your dd to use when she's older. think of what she could use it for... college/uni fees, deposit for a flat/house, her own child (you never know!)

and i agree with everything hissy has said too. stay strong op... things will get better Thanks

FarOverTheRainbow · 18/10/2013 09:18

I don't want to stop a relationship with him. Yes it would be much easier for me to never see him again but it's not about me.

I'm feeling more good then bad now thankfully. It still can just hit you though and at night my mind always wonders back to what was and what could have been which isn't nice Hmm

I've been keeping really busy though

OP posts:
FarOverTheRainbow · 18/10/2013 15:33

Why is planning a party for a 1 year old so stressful Grin

OP posts:
BooHissy · 18/10/2013 19:37

You don't need to have a relationship with him at all.

If he wants a relationship with your DD then that's fine, but he has to do it right and with respect for her, and her mother.

You need the space to gain perspective and strength.

FarOverTheRainbow · 19/10/2013 11:31

What I ment was I want my DD to have a relationship with him. It would be so much easier if I never saw him again.

I can't believe my DD is 1 today Hmm

OP posts:
BooHissy · 19/10/2013 13:29

If this is how he treats women, this is how he'll treat her.

He already IS disrespecting her, so make sure that you look at this from the perspective of 'Is this the best thing for her?'

He can go fuck himself when it comes to his needs, and his wants.