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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WIBU to move out and take everything

975 replies

FarOverTheRainbow · 30/09/2013 08:15

Bit of background. My OH decided to end out relationship a few days ago. We have 1 DC under 1. I don't want the relationship to end at all, we have our problems and decieded we would give it one last try for each other but a couple of weeks in after telling me he had no intention of ending things he no has. I'm heart broken. We rent a house of his parents and they have said if I stay they will increase the rent to so can't afford to stay so I'm moving out with DD. The tenancy is all in my name. XP has said he is moving in wen I love out so the only things I'm allowed to take is DDs things because he needs the rest. I'm a SAHM mum and he has a good paying job, I think should have most the bigger stuf like fridge, dryer, sofa but he says I have nothing. When we brought anything we both put money into everything and had 1 pit so it was all just "ours" I'm angry I'm being forced out my home with DD and now he says I'm not allowed anything. So WIVU to take it anyway?

Please don't flame me if I am, my heads a mess, I've lost my whole life and now I'm expected to start again from
Nothing while he has everything

OP posts:
Ledkr · 12/10/2013 16:59

To be honest I may even give you a light toasting!
I'm only joking but they are clearly mental and it is great that you stuck to your guns.
I'm so glad you have legal advice because she sounds very worrying and I hope you told your legal advisor about her.
The chances are your ex has been damaged himself by her weirdness and that might explain his behaviour however him and the dragon have no place in your life anymore just ensure she is never left in charge of your daughter.

GatoradeMeBitch · 12/10/2013 20:45

Oh dear, I remember that thread too. No wonder your ex is such an unfeeling bastard.

It may be worth going to court at some point to try and prevent his mother having access, but cross that bridge if you come to it. I think you might need proof of her behaviour too - keep an eye on her FB account if she has one, keep anything that could be proof.

Original poster
FarOverTheRainbow · 12/10/2013 22:46

I'm glad I listened to advice on here before an documented my concerns with my health visitor, I've spoken to her since and she has even brilliant and said that she knows how long I've had these concerns and worked to make sure all access she has is supervised so at least that's one thing

OP posts:
Original poster
FarOverTheRainbow · 14/10/2013 09:47

My poor DD is poorly and he's being a PITA

OP posts:
Hissy · 14/10/2013 14:22

What's happening? Be firm, he's taking advantage.

If he's not prepared to be anything like helpful, he needs to told to FTFO and you'll contact him when you feel like it!

Original poster
FarOverTheRainbow · 14/10/2013 15:01

DDs really poorly and I was at the OOH GP twice over the weekend there was talk of her going into hospital but luckily it's not serious so were at home with medication so I've said she needs to stay with me today and he's kicked off, saying in preventing him see'ing her and stopping a relationship and who do I think I am blah blah blah. I'm in no way stopping him see'ing her but he can't look after her when she's poorly and she's not eating is really grumpy so I want her with me. I let him come round to see her because he said he missed her and just got grief

OP posts:
Hissy · 14/10/2013 18:50

Don't let him in your door again! How dare he give you grief!

Does the dreadful man want a recording of her grizzling, crying and feeling shit to take home to his mum?

You call the shots here love!

He lost the right to be a guest in your home the day he slung you and your child out onto the streets, with only the council housing dept to help you!

Get angry! Get really fucking angry!

Remind him that you have rights, and unless he starts treating you with some respect, you will make sure that he has to behave like the LL.

I.e he's not allowed to enter your home, or visit without at least 24 hours notice in writing, and even then may be refused.

And that you may insist they take you to court to get you out, so he has to wait another 2m.

How much maintenance is he paying you? Is he screwing you on that too?

The bastard! Utter, utter bastard!

Hissy · 14/10/2013 18:54

Oh yes, and do tell him that you're NOT stopping her from seeing him.

But when she finds out what he's done to her, and to you, that she'll want to stop contact with him and the rest of his putrid family all by herself!

Does he actually have a mirror in his house? Could he actually look himself in the face after doing all this?

You need a break from him. He needs to leave you both alone, completely alone for the next month or so.

I want you to see him for what he is, and you can't do that with his fetid stench on you the whole time.

GatoradeMeBitch · 14/10/2013 19:30

I wouldn't be afraid to deny access at this point OP, if you have reason to. There is no formal access agreement in place. You won't get in trouble.

Original poster
FarOverTheRainbow · 14/10/2013 19:50

He really thinks I'm being unfair. She's ill and all she wants is her mummy and I don't want her out if my sight. I didn't want to be unfair so agreed that he could come and see her but told him I don't want to argue or talk about it and he just went on and on.

He wants to have her for an extra day Thursday because he missed out today and I've got plans Thursday and he's kicking up merry hell saying I should cancel them for him, he misses her, he makes her happy so I should let her go. Who do I think I am to decide he can't have her.

I'm starting to get angry and I'm starting to see that he's not the person I fall in love with and I'm starting to see that I can be happy again and hopefully one day I will find someone else.

He hasn't paid a penny for her since before he left. Hasn't brought 1 nappy or anything. I have to send her with nappies, wipes, fruit and snacks.

OP posts:
ChasedByBees · 14/10/2013 20:59

I'm glad you're getting angry. You do not have to do what he tells you to do. You don't have to listen to any of his shit. What would happen if you sent her without nappies etc? He's her father, he should provide all of that. If he doesn't then he's unfit.

Original poster
FarOverTheRainbow · 14/10/2013 21:19

If I sent her without nappies then he might try and buy some but it's more likely she would stay in the same one until I got her back to
Change her

OP posts:
Hissy · 14/10/2013 21:51

Tell him to FUCK OFF!

He can't tell you what to do.

He can't demand you hand over your baby.

He can't force you to hand over your sick baby.

Go out tomorrow, get yourself another sim card and tell him you'll contact him when YOU feel like it.

Give him your bank account details and tell him to pay 25% minimum of his salary or you'll be talking to CSA.

He is no father to her: how dare he not pay for her care, sling her out on the streets and demand a single bloody thing from you?

GatoradeMeBitch · 14/10/2013 21:55

Get in touch with the CSA tomorrow morning OP. Give him something to really whine about!

Original poster
FarOverTheRainbow · 14/10/2013 22:23

I don't want his money. If he doesn't want to pay for his child then ill leave him to it. She won't go without and he can never say he's a proper dad when he hasn't put his hand in his pocket for her.

OP posts:
Hissy · 15/10/2013 07:42

It's not your money, it's your daughter's, and his obligation.

Money is important, and he needs to pay his share.

But if that's a fight for another day, that's fine too. You have a lot on your plate already.

But he doesn't get to bully you today, ok?

Phone off, don't allow him access to the house. No contact.

Original poster
FarOverTheRainbow · 15/10/2013 07:56

I do think that's something for another day, I don't have the strength.

No bullying I can go with,I think he'll text asking how DD is because when he started the other day I asked him what kind of parent doesn't ask about there child when the doctor is talking about hospital admission so yesterday he texted twice and I think today he will do the same, do I ignore and get grief for it or message back?

He'll ask me if I've changed my plans Thursday so he can have her then too Hmm

OP posts:
deepfriedsage · 15/10/2013 08:06

I bet they don't have landlord insurance and didn't tell mortgage company its a rental, bet they committed fraud op.

deepfriedsage · 15/10/2013 08:19

Don't let exmil see or hear of your upset. If she enjoys distressing others, she will get a kick out of it.

I think you would have been set up by these people over time you would have been chosen for being a softie. They either go for someone to abuse or a partner in crime who is as warped as them. Just watch out he doesn't get a new Gf who is a partner in crime type.

GatoradeMeBitch · 15/10/2013 11:00

Don't change your plans. And don't apologise. He has to learn to stop treating you like a doormat. Just keep it brief and polite, and don't let him draw you into a fight. I hope your little one is feeling better today.

Ledkr · 15/10/2013 12:53

I'm pretty sure until its settled in court that nobody can force you to hand over your daughter.
She will be already sensing some change and your upset so needs a secure attachment at the moment more than ever before.
Don't jump to his tune, do what you want to do and what feels best for your daughter

3asAbird · 15/10/2013 13:00

you need to contact csa op.

you need to deny access and go to court or he will screw you and your daughter over.

Do you know who mortgage is with? be interesting ring them up let them know its a rental.

hope your daughters better soon.

Do you have a hv at surgury or surestart that can give extra support.

As they could be used as character witness in court.

ChasedByBees · 15/10/2013 13:26

I'd reply briefly about your DD only and ignore any questions about Thursday. You have plans. He knows this.

Sounder · 15/10/2013 13:46

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Original poster
FarOverTheRainbow · 15/10/2013 14:11

Sounder have you read the whole thread ?

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