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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WIBU to move out and take everything

975 replies

FarOverTheRainbow · 30/09/2013 08:15

Bit of background. My OH decided to end out relationship a few days ago. We have 1 DC under 1. I don't want the relationship to end at all, we have our problems and decieded we would give it one last try for each other but a couple of weeks in after telling me he had no intention of ending things he no has. I'm heart broken. We rent a house of his parents and they have said if I stay they will increase the rent to so can't afford to stay so I'm moving out with DD. The tenancy is all in my name. XP has said he is moving in wen I love out so the only things I'm allowed to take is DDs things because he needs the rest. I'm a SAHM mum and he has a good paying job, I think should have most the bigger stuf like fridge, dryer, sofa but he says I have nothing. When we brought anything we both put money into everything and had 1 pit so it was all just "ours" I'm angry I'm being forced out my home with DD and now he says I'm not allowed anything. So WIVU to take it anyway?

Please don't flame me if I am, my heads a mess, I've lost my whole life and now I'm expected to start again from
Nothing while he has everything

OP posts:
Original poster
FarOverTheRainbow · 10/10/2013 17:05

Ha somehow horry I can't see him ever admitting to that

OP posts:
Hissy · 10/10/2013 19:55

... and that's precisely the reason why you don't even think of talking to him until he does admit it!

No normal bloke does what he's done. Your 'friends' can't have ANY self esteem either if they think you should give this man the steam off your wee!

No.

You should absolutely NOT engage with him. He needs to really see what he's done.

You trotting on, carrying on as almost normal, giving any kind of shit about him, papers over the gaping wounds he's caused.

Twats like him learn through loss.

Original poster
FarOverTheRainbow · 10/10/2013 20:29

It's shit. I miss him so much and hate being on my own without him

OP posts:
Hissy · 10/10/2013 20:36

But you miss a ghost!

The person you miss doesn't exist!

He'll never be the man you need him to be.

Love yourself, love you little one, and focus on making sure your life is as good as it can be.

Don't go back to a man who'd do this to another living soul. And never to a man who's family are no beTter!

I'd batter my DS if he did this to his DP/DC! I really would!

Original poster
FarOverTheRainbow · 10/10/2013 20:47

I miss the person he was not who he is now. He use to be so so nice. I can't go back because he doesn't want too. I would be willing to try again an take things really slow but he doesn't want too and that hurts. It's heart breaking to want someone and they don't want you

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Hissy · 10/10/2013 21:32

Can you talk about your relationship with him. How long you were together, how long before having a child, and if you can recall the time when things changed?

Hissy · 10/10/2013 21:33

When you have the distance we have, we ask, why would you want to be with someone who is capable of this?

This now, this is who he really is.

Original poster
FarOverTheRainbow · 10/10/2013 21:46

We were together 5 years before we had DD. I do remember how good things were and that's what so hard. The last year we've started to have problems but before that things were great. That's what and who I miss Hmm its hard to accept that all that has gone

OP posts:
Ledkr · 11/10/2013 09:47

Please don't try to talk to him love.
If he wanted to try again bed have asked you and if you talk to him you won't get what you want which is "I made a mistake can we try again?" Then you will feel shit and it will put you back.
Five years is nothing in your whole life really, as you say he's different now. My ex was literally the perfect man for 16 yrs but the last two he was a knob and continues to get worse by the day. He's literally unrecognisable now.
Can you try to pep yourself up a bit now with a new hairstyle or outfit. Superficial I know but you need to stop feeling a victim and start feeing like a sassy young mum with her whole life in front of her. It really helps.

GatoradeMeBitch · 11/10/2013 11:02

Really good advice from ledkr. If you want to talk about your ex on here, feel free. But the sooner you can finish grieving for your relationship and start to move forward, the happier you'll be. You've seen this guy at his worst now. Even if he asked to try again, you know what he's capable of, and you would never be able to relax with him for fear that he would walk out on you again. When you start to feel more angry than sad I think you'll be on the mend.

Original poster
FarOverTheRainbow · 11/10/2013 14:16

Supose your right Hmm

It's hard to not grieve though when I feel like I've lost everything

I'm gunna try and book my hair in as a pick me up

OP posts:
Hissy · 11/10/2013 19:10

You've lost a shit dad, a crap partner with godawful parents.

What you've gained is hope for a new future where you could very well meet a nice guy, who loves you for you, dotes on your DD and has a great set of parents.

You have your life ahead of you. Better you start again now than 20odd years down the line!

Sounds like he resents his child having attention, the saddo.

You will soon see how you really are better off without him.

HorryIsUpduffed · 11/10/2013 19:30

I'm guessing you wouldn't give up your baby to get the old him back? because realistically I think you lost the old him when you gained her, and she will be far better for you than he will.

Original poster
FarOverTheRainbow · 11/10/2013 19:47

I wouldn't give my daughter up for anything, if I was then I would have already gave her to his mother and I know we'd still be together then

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HorryIsUpduffed · 11/10/2013 19:57

Well there you go then. When you feel like you can't let him go, feel the gut-wrenching agony of the very idea of giving her up.

It will be ok Brew

Original poster
FarOverTheRainbow · 11/10/2013 22:00

Hmm It's just so shit. I wish I could get some sleep too

OP posts:
Ledkr · 12/10/2013 08:37

You say you'd have stil been together if you have your dd to His mum? Would you care to elaborate as this may explain a lot!

Original poster
FarOverTheRainbow · 12/10/2013 09:51

Erm I've posted about his mum before and if anyone remembers it you might flame me for staying with him Blush

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Hissy · 12/10/2013 13:05

Love, you're not with him now, so there'll be no flaming.

What happened with his mum before? I think I recall the thread you mean, but am vague on the ins and outs.

Original poster
FarOverTheRainbow · 12/10/2013 13:52

Hmm right okay. I posted about his mum before because she was interfering constantly in our relationship. I don't trust her with my DD. she told me you don't give a baby a choice to eat you force them, she would leave my DD to cry hysterically and laugh and get excited when she had tears an lots of other stuff Hmm

OP posts:
HorryIsUpduffed · 12/10/2013 13:59

omg she's the one who likes to hear a baby cry! I remember now.

No flaming from me. It wasn't her you were trying to have a relationship with.

Gosh you're going to be so better off so soon. I almost feel excited for you!

PrimalLass · 12/10/2013 14:13

I remember your other thread too. I've often wondered how you were doing as you sounded so scared. They all sound awful and you will be so much better away from them.

Hissy · 12/10/2013 14:17

You probably were told to run for the hills love, but he's gone, by whatever means and that IS a good thing.

He wasn't ever a good parent, and given his mother, was never a good man. He'll be damaged beyond your understanding.

You will be leaving his life, and staying away as much as possible, and you won't be allowing unsupervised access given his mother's cruelty.

You will be seeking legal advice over the tenancy, and making sure that you won't suffer any more than you have don already at these vile people's hands.

Most people aren't like these people, you have every chance of recovering from this, and thankfully your DD is young enough to not be overly harmed by any of this.

She would've been if the situation had continued, you know that right?

Be VERY strict about access. No more 'taking her off for the day' ok?

EachAndEveryHighway · 12/10/2013 14:26

Oh dear ... I remember you as well - I'm really sorry it's turned out like this.

In terms of the relationship, I do think your better off out of this - I know that it's easy to say though, and agony whilst your going through the separation.

In terms of where to go next.... last time you went to your mums, didn't you? Do you not want to go there this time because you'd lose the furniture as you wouldn't have anywhere to store it? Could you move to your mums but also take half the stuff you and ex bought but put it into storage until you can get your own place?

It's really strange about you not being entitled to housing - will your STBX in laws not write you a letter saying you are being evicted?

In the meantime, stay strong and carry on protecting your dd from her evil grandmother.

Original poster
FarOverTheRainbow · 12/10/2013 15:24

I've got legal advice regarding the house and I have about DD aswell. I'm doing everything that I've been told by both. I'm due to be evicted at the end of next month and the council no this. I've told him my rules about DD which is more then fair and if he doesn't stick to them then we will have to go to court like he keeps threatening too and see what they decide. He really thinks the court are going to take a BF baby off me for 3 full days a week and let his mum watch her while he works.

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