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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WIBU to move out and take everything

975 replies

FarOverTheRainbow · 30/09/2013 08:15

Bit of background. My OH decided to end out relationship a few days ago. We have 1 DC under 1. I don't want the relationship to end at all, we have our problems and decieded we would give it one last try for each other but a couple of weeks in after telling me he had no intention of ending things he no has. I'm heart broken. We rent a house of his parents and they have said if I stay they will increase the rent to so can't afford to stay so I'm moving out with DD. The tenancy is all in my name. XP has said he is moving in wen I love out so the only things I'm allowed to take is DDs things because he needs the rest. I'm a SAHM mum and he has a good paying job, I think should have most the bigger stuf like fridge, dryer, sofa but he says I have nothing. When we brought anything we both put money into everything and had 1 pit so it was all just "ours" I'm angry I'm being forced out my home with DD and now he says I'm not allowed anything. So WIVU to take it anyway?

Please don't flame me if I am, my heads a mess, I've lost my whole life and now I'm expected to start again from
Nothing while he has everything

OP posts:
Original poster
FarOverTheRainbow · 07/10/2013 19:40

My mum can't do the hand overs because of the hours she works, I'm thinking of asking a friend to do this week and next just to give me some space.

Your right about them breaking the bond, when the one person you always turn to isn't there anymore, it's horrible, he's hurt me but he can make it better

OP posts:
Original poster
FarOverTheRainbow · 07/10/2013 19:40

My mums doing so much already staying with me bless her

OP posts:
Ledkr · 07/10/2013 21:27

Yes get your friend to do it, its very empowering.
You will soon find your support comes from your friends and family and you stop needing him.
I know you feel impatient for it to happen quickly but it does take a bit if time.

Original poster
FarOverTheRainbow · 07/10/2013 21:41

I will ask my friend to do it Wednesday for me and try and help keep distance. I have to lead the key in the door at all times to make sure he doesn't just stroll back in. A few days after he ended it he came home really late and just got into bed like I would be fine with it

OP posts:
Original poster
FarOverTheRainbow · 08/10/2013 16:58

Is it wrong to feel jelous when I see a couple with there baby and think how do they make it work and we can't Hmm

OP posts:
Ledkr · 08/10/2013 17:10

Yrs it's normal. I once went to toys r us on a Sunday before Xmas and nearly had a meltdown.
That's when you need your mates! I remember my mates
Taking the piss out of my ridiculous timing!

Hissy · 08/10/2013 19:01

Love, as you will see, You CAN make it work.

Him? No.

It's him that has the problem. It's his parents that have done this.

You'll find someone else that deserves to have you and your DD in their lives.

Original poster
FarOverTheRainbow · 08/10/2013 19:05

Hmm I'm bloody sick of it

I'm home alone tonight, just me and DD. lots of MN I think to keep my mind busy

OP posts:
Ledkr · 08/10/2013 19:19

I do wish id known about mn when I was in your position.
This is a temporary situation that you are going through, it's a drop in the ocean in your long life which will soon be happy again.
Ride it out knowing it will be over sometime soon.

Original poster
FarOverTheRainbow · 08/10/2013 19:37

Thank you. MN has been brilliant and I've winged alot on here that I don't feel like I can so much in RL. The futures scarey. I'm worried about being on my own forever. He's all I know

OP posts:
Hissy · 08/10/2013 19:38

far, you need this time to be alone, to process what's happened and to make sure that you are not taken advantage of.

Focus on your living situation, the rest will follow.

Ledkr · 08/10/2013 19:50

No. The future is exciting. Who knows what will happen.
Just you and dd and helpful family the world is literally your oyster. Think of all the amazing possibilities.
What did you work as before dd?

Original poster
FarOverTheRainbow · 08/10/2013 20:21

How do I process everything without getting upset and feeling back at square 1 again though?

I was training before I had DD and even though I loved the job it's to many hours to put in now I have her but my dad has offered to fund another course for me next year so that's good

OP posts:
Hissy · 08/10/2013 23:34

You are going to get upset, it's part of the healing process. Each tear takes you closer to not feeling quite so desolate about it.

Sadly the worst thing about it is the minimisation your mind does, so that you have to keep reminding yourself of what you have forgotten, i.e. what he has done to you. then it hurts all over again.

Understand that this is a phase of pain that you will get through, that it will get easier, that you will grow and strengthen from it.

You won't crumble, or cave, because you are stronger than that. You can get through this.

Every day you are a little bit closer to it not hurting quite so much.

Allow yourself to feel the pain, it's right that you do, and the sooner that you realise that you can feel the pain, let it wash over you, but still come out the other side, the sooner you will start to feel a little bit less worse.

What has happened is an almighty shitty thing, compounded by his terrible bastard parents. It's only right that you will feel utterly bereft by this all. But it will pass. You are not going back to square one, just moving on a little bit from it with every day that passes.

Ledkr · 09/10/2013 08:02

That's right. Getting upset is just that and doesn't take you back to square one or anything like it.
Just move forward again after.
Can you have a night out with friends? It really helps to see that life goes on.
It must be hard for you to be in the house knowing its temporary though. You'll feel better when you can put down some roots.
I painted my bedroom had new bedding and fairy lights to make it my special place. Little things help.0

ophelia275 · 09/10/2013 09:08

Why was the tenancy only in your name if he was living there too?

Original poster
FarOverTheRainbow · 09/10/2013 09:17

It makes sense what your saying but it's hard not to do anythig to avoid them
Feelings

OP posts:
Hissy · 09/10/2013 11:07

Because the ILs are up to sommat ophelia they're claiming something, or he is.

Something's fishy there, which is why the ILS are being so vicious in wanting her out asap.

Original poster
FarOverTheRainbow · 09/10/2013 12:34

I never questioned it just went along with it. What did it matter to me if it was in my name or both

OP posts:
Original poster
FarOverTheRainbow · 10/10/2013 09:59

I woke up feeling abit down and had a delivery of DDs birthday presents and feel in a very good mood Smile

OP posts:
CocacolaMum · 10/10/2013 11:37

Glad you are in a good mood :D

I know what its like looking at other seemingly perfect neat little families but trust me, everyone is fighting their own battle.

I split with ds' bio dad when ds was a baby but it was the best thing I EVER did AND the hardest x

Original poster
FarOverTheRainbow · 10/10/2013 14:57

I'm glad your happy about your choice coca cola

My friend thinks I should talk to him again

OP posts:
HorryIsUpduffed · 10/10/2013 16:18

Talk to him about what though?

Original poster
FarOverTheRainbow · 10/10/2013 16:22

About everything that's happened and how we got here ext...

OP posts:
HorryIsUpduffed · 10/10/2013 16:41

Oh I can tell you that.

Far: How did we get to this point?
STBXP: I was a heartless cock.