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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be mad at DH for spoiling the evening?

502 replies

TeaJunky · 28/09/2013 00:05

It's been a long week for both of us. Long hours at work for him and me at home with dd1 (4) and dd2 (10 months).

DH rang earlier to say he's taking us out to dinner to our favourite Chinese restaurant which is in a huge shopping mall. I had an exchange to do for dd2's clothes and thought I'd get it sorted while we were there.

DH arrives home and we are all ready, we get to the restaurant in good spirits and DH comments on how we're going to have a nice fun evening after a long hard week. We eat and enjoy the meal. Then we walk into the shopping mall and i tell DH I'd like to do the exchange now to which he agrees.

We go to the shop and I start to look for some clothes I can exchange with and DH starts to look antsy but he's ok. I continue looking, and ask his opinion on a couple of outfits to which he gives helpful answers. I choose some clothes then say, I'm just going to take one last look on that side and then I'm done, and he gets really annoyed. He said, 'this is what you always do. This is what you did on holiday'. Then he sat there with a face on while I looked (for the whole of 2 minutes), and waited outside with dd1 while I did the exchange.

When I came out I was annoyed and he was in a big huff and we argued Hmm

I'm really upset at how impatient he was being. I'd only been in the shop for a maximum of 20 minutes. I'm the one who usually does all the shopping and clothes buying and so what if he had to 'waste' 20 minutes of his precious time while I BOUGHT CLOTHES FOR OUR CHILD.

He said I always try to dominate every situation and that I ruined the plans, and we were supposed to be having family fun time. I asked him what plans and he said 'what's the fucking point in asking now'.

We drove home in silence (with dd1 chattering away to herself in the back) and have both come to bed without talking. Hmm

OP posts:
Original poster
TeaJunky · 28/09/2013 12:15

Sack cloths Grin

She's not in her sisters clothes because I gave them all away Blush

Oh well, at least someone likes me Grin

I've texted to say sorry, and thanks for always putting up with my dithering/faffing/forgetfulness.

OP posts:
HorryIsUpduffed · 28/09/2013 12:19

I'm an established and confident driver but I avoid shopping centres like the plague. Multistorey car parks scare the shit out of me.

So my children don't have clothes from shopping centre shops. Fortunately we have easy park & ride into a big city, and good supermarket options to chuck into the trolley.

HorryIsUpduffed · 28/09/2013 12:20

I'm sure your text will be appreciated. Did you mean it?

YouTheCat · 28/09/2013 12:21

LEM Grin

Bowlersarm · 28/09/2013 12:21

I really think you are getting an unwarranted hard time here OP.

I'm rooting for you,.

Good on you for texting him to apologise.

LaQueenForADay · 28/09/2013 12:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Shnickshnack · 28/09/2013 12:24

I think it's not your h who is childish but you! It's childish to complain to a bunch of strangers online that you didn't get an ice cream. Oh boohoo.

Based on everything you said upthread you sound really really spoilt. I am not saying this as a personal attack on you but in the hope that you might consider reflecting a bit on what people are saying to you on this thread and be a bit more open to the POSSIBILITY that yabu.

It doesn't really matter to us but if you want to ensure your (and your kids') weekend is spoilt then just continue with your "but I know I'm right [stamp foot emoticon] attitude.

Laquitar · 28/09/2013 12:27

If u want 'quality'family time (and i agree with hun i dont like the phrase either, it sounds enforced) and you dont like shops then why you go to the shopping mall?

It is like going to the seaside but you MUST eat steak, no fish and chips (grin). Shopping mall means....erm shops.

GwendolineMaryLacey · 28/09/2013 12:27

TBF though, although I think you're wrong 328 posts telling you that is quite funny. It's a fairly small deal unless you're super annoying to live with like I am

And I really fancy a Chinese tonight!

LEMisdisappointed · 28/09/2013 12:27

"I've texted to say sorry, and thanks for always putting up with my dithering/faffing/forgetfulness."

Hooray - you can now put last nights kerfuffle down to shopping centre induced madness and move on.

Seriously, this is why God invented online shopping

Original poster
TeaJunky · 28/09/2013 12:27

No I didn't mean it, I said it to get the moral high ground - is that what you want to hear, horry? Hmm

OP posts:
FetchezLaVache · 28/09/2013 12:28

Good for you for apologising, OP.

LEMisdisappointed · 28/09/2013 12:30

There is only one thing worse than shopping centre induced madness TeaJunky and that is AIBU induced defensiveness - step away from the thread now and enjoy the weekend x

NotYoMomma · 28/09/2013 12:31

I get to go shopping for clothes with DH 1 day a year lol - boxing day.

he will get dd clothes on his own or when we are at the supermarket etc

but 20 mins in a shop while the other person browsed?

no way. especially not on a 'family evening'

Whatdoido5 · 28/09/2013 12:33

What did your DH actually say when he rang last night? Because he obviously did ring "to say he's taking us out to dinner to our favourite Chinese restaurant".

Shnickshnack · 28/09/2013 12:34

hallelujah thank goodness. Now we can all continue with our weekend Grin

ThisIsBULLSHIT · 28/09/2013 12:35

Not sure who is BU, probably your DH but you have just given me a fantastic new phrase fuckload of huffery I can't wait to use it!

Is DH talking to you yet?!

BigBoobiedBertha · 28/09/2013 12:37

I know it is not the issue really, but unless you only passed your test within the last couple of weeks, in which case you are allowed a bit of getting used to it time, you really should just get in the car and go. Stop faffing about how you haven't been there before on your own and get on with it. You'll only wind yourself up if you keep putting it off. I am guessing you have been driving a while though, given that you already have a car so really any lack of experience is down to you.

Feel the fear, ( or realistically mildly apprehensive) and do it anyway. Smile. Being able to drive is supposed to give you freedom - use it.

Well done for apologising too. I am sure your husband will appreciate it after your behaviour. If he doesn't accept then he will be unreasonable but that will be a whole other thread.

Tabliope · 28/09/2013 12:42

YABU. You say he works long hours (as do you) so presumably he got off work early last night, to get home early enough for you all to go out to dinner. I'm guessing you might have been at the Chinese restaurant by 6pm. You spend 1.5 hours there so by this time it's 7.30pm and you've got half an hour to do your clothing exchange - assuming the shops shut at 8pm. The shopping centre sounds a fair drive from where you are - maybe half an hour - as you're unsure of the directions being a new'ish driver, so a fair bit of time to get home with two little kids who are already well past their bedtimes. If my timings are wrong and it's later than this then he really isn't being unreasonable for not being fed up. He was patient and then you pushed it by going over for a "last" look over the other side (someone mentioned that "last" look earlier). He's outside keeping the kids entertained, although you say one is asleep. He probably just wanted to get home, get the kids to bed and relax before the whole evening is gone. You say he should be interested in the kids' clothing but I bet those kids have a range of outfits chosen by you as you seem to like shopping so not like they were going to go cold or anything. He didn't buy you an ice cream? You were inside shopping. If he'd bought one it would have melted and by this time it sounds like he just wanted to get home so didn't want to hang around more time waiting for you to pick you flavour.

WorrySighWorrySigh · 28/09/2013 12:44

This is why I do my shopping through Amazon. If they havent got it then I probably dont really want it.

ExcuseTypos · 28/09/2013 12:50

Good for you for apologising.

It took me about 10 years into our 25 year marriage, to realise that it's much better, after a row over something pretty trivial, to just apologise to each other for the misunderstanding usually his faultWink and then get on with things.

It saves a lot of time and energy.

Threalamandaclarke · 28/09/2013 12:52

Bravo to you for saying "sorry" op.
Enjoy the rest of your weekend. And make sure your DP buys you some ice cream.

hobnobsaremyfavourite · 28/09/2013 13:04

God op you sound a teeny tiny bit of an immature twat.

Mumsnut · 28/09/2013 13:07

My solution: next time, wait until Saturday afternoon or Sunday morning, and set off there with a friend for a leisurely shop as soon as he comes in / wakes up.

He doesn't like shopping; you don't like shopping with a toddler and a baby (who does?); but the shopping needs doing. So do it in style.

(I was a very timid new driver too, but it made all the difference to have someone else in the car).

StepAwayFromTheEcclesCakes · 28/09/2013 13:09

this thread is hilarious! op I totally get what you are saying, 20 mins is nothing. DH despairs of me if ever he actually enters in a shop with me as I usually say... 'oh, I am just going to have a quick look at the clothes' he eye rolls and smiles then stands around aimlessly until I have finished, he doesn't throw a tantrum or sulk he knows I like to have a nosey round all I can think of in your DH's defence is that he had secret plans that you made it too late to do but he should have said (what were the plans? did you find out) there are places I don't fancy driving too even though I drive so get this too. so unless you are dragging him doing stuff he really hates all the time (what happened on holiday?) then YANBU and some people on this thread have gone way over the top with character assassinations and judgements and the oh poor man mentality.