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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be mad at DH for spoiling the evening?

502 replies

TeaJunky · 28/09/2013 00:05

It's been a long week for both of us. Long hours at work for him and me at home with dd1 (4) and dd2 (10 months).

DH rang earlier to say he's taking us out to dinner to our favourite Chinese restaurant which is in a huge shopping mall. I had an exchange to do for dd2's clothes and thought I'd get it sorted while we were there.

DH arrives home and we are all ready, we get to the restaurant in good spirits and DH comments on how we're going to have a nice fun evening after a long hard week. We eat and enjoy the meal. Then we walk into the shopping mall and i tell DH I'd like to do the exchange now to which he agrees.

We go to the shop and I start to look for some clothes I can exchange with and DH starts to look antsy but he's ok. I continue looking, and ask his opinion on a couple of outfits to which he gives helpful answers. I choose some clothes then say, I'm just going to take one last look on that side and then I'm done, and he gets really annoyed. He said, 'this is what you always do. This is what you did on holiday'. Then he sat there with a face on while I looked (for the whole of 2 minutes), and waited outside with dd1 while I did the exchange.

When I came out I was annoyed and he was in a big huff and we argued Hmm

I'm really upset at how impatient he was being. I'd only been in the shop for a maximum of 20 minutes. I'm the one who usually does all the shopping and clothes buying and so what if he had to 'waste' 20 minutes of his precious time while I BOUGHT CLOTHES FOR OUR CHILD.

He said I always try to dominate every situation and that I ruined the plans, and we were supposed to be having family fun time. I asked him what plans and he said 'what's the fucking point in asking now'.

We drove home in silence (with dd1 chattering away to herself in the back) and have both come to bed without talking. Hmm

OP posts:
Original poster
TeaJunky · 28/09/2013 11:56

To answer your charming question of 'why can't you woman up and deal with stuff', I deal with a lot of 'stuff'. Not being able to drive to one place yet due to being a new driver is not any way an indication of failed womanhood.

OP posts:
Whatdoido5 · 28/09/2013 11:58

You can't buy clothes for your child without either a friend or DH to drive you.

What on earth way is that to be? Why can't you go on your own?

Original poster
TeaJunky · 28/09/2013 12:00

Jesus. Yes, I can't from that one particular shop/place. YET. Doesn't mean I can't and don't shop elsewhere. It's not a way of being!

Lord almighty, where do these weirdos come from.

OP posts:
Whatdoido5 · 28/09/2013 12:01

I am not a weirdo.

OneStepCloser · 28/09/2013 12:02

I think he's very unreasonable not to buy you an ice cream, and to sulk about such a small thing is silly. I'm on your side Grin

FutTheShuckUp · 28/09/2013 12:02

I don't understand why you lied in your OP. doesn't paint you in a good light does it? YABU.

Shnickshnack · 28/09/2013 12:02

This reply has been deleted

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YouTheCat · 28/09/2013 12:02

Weirdos? Hmm

LEMisdisappointed · 28/09/2013 12:02

What is really sad - i that the children are going to have a shittty weekend because there is an atmosphere between the two ADULTs that are their parents.

OP - you really REALLY need to grow up, there are more important things going on in the world.

Go and make it up with your DH, you don't have to apologise, you just say - lets move on, what will we do today with the kids? preferably no where near a shopping mall, are you in america??

LittlePeaPod · 28/09/2013 12:03

Op when did you pass your test? Have you driven anywhere on your own? I still don't get why you can't drive there?

PeriodFeatures · 28/09/2013 12:03

YABU. There are things that I would not expect my DH to endure at certain times. I.e on a friday evening when we are supposed to be winding down.

I cant bare shopping. It is a chore. chores are not for friday nights after dinner.

Original poster
TeaJunky · 28/09/2013 12:04

I'm supposed to be sleeping before I get in my car at 12:15 and - oh yes! - DRIVE to pick dd1 up from language school, and DRIVE home again.

Then I'm going to later get in my car again (that I will drive again) and go to my friends house later.

Didn't manage to sleep though!

OP posts:
YouTheCat · 28/09/2013 12:04

LEM, there isn't an atmosphere between the two adults as the OP has said her dh got up all bright and breezy and was fine when he went off to work.

So if there is an atmosphere it has been created by one person.

FutTheShuckUp · 28/09/2013 12:04

You're a new driver so I take it you've passed your test? Been deemed competent to drive on public highways? So what's with I can't go to this certain place as im a new driver? Is it on a toll road that only people who've been driving a certain length of time can use?

BoneyBackJefferson · 28/09/2013 12:04

Why ask if YABU if you are convinced that you are not?

JohFlow · 28/09/2013 12:05

Sounds like you were out of synch with each other on that day. Communication is everything if you want to get the most out of your time together. What a fantastic thing that you have a partner that actively encourages family time. He sounds that he was looking forward to spending quality time with you all and relaxing a bit. You obviously did not want to waste the opportunity to exchange clothes whilst you were in the building. Maybe this could have been facilitated differently so that he was not waiting for so long ; and also got time to do something individually too. Sounds like he generally does not enjoy shopping - that's o.k. (a lot of people don't, or ever will). You don't have to enjoy the same things to have a successful relationship. My partner and I are very different. We give each other time to enjoy individual pursuits around family time.

Whatdoido5 · 28/09/2013 12:05

So drive to the mall during the day. What's the problem? Why drag DH who doesn't like your style of shopping and a 4 year old?

Did you drive last night with DH beside you? That would have been the ideal time to have a trial run, since you like the shopping centre so much.

claudedebussy · 28/09/2013 12:05

my mum and my ex are like you.

oh i just have to do this. then that. then fucking buy some some ear buds. then bloody well have to buy dog food. arrrrrghghgh

cluttering up a nice event with CRAP.

this is what you need to do:

  1. think family time with you all together is just that, and if you want to lump a chore on agree it long beforehand and agree the time limit.
  1. the sunday morning activity HAS TO BE MOVED. you have to alternate getting a lie in.

getting no lie ins ever makes life NOT WORTH LIVING.

  1. life with babies is SHIT. you have to streamline, accept that clothes might not be exactly as you would like. who the hell exchanges baby clothes??? who gives a shit? why is she not wearing her sister's clothes anyway. why aren't you dressing her in sack cloths?

ugh seriously you are making your life too difficult.

but i still like you Grin

PeriodFeatures · 28/09/2013 12:06

Why ask if YABU if you are convinced that you are not?

AgentZigzag · 28/09/2013 12:08

'He's just gone to work with his cheery jolly goodbyes'

'Actually Ive decided Im not apologising'

So he's not sulking any more but you're taking up the vacancy? Grin

How can you square that?

Is it that he hasn't deferred to you out loud? That you need him to back down, and be seen to be backing down?

Stravy · 28/09/2013 12:10

DP does this. It drives me up the wall. If you are going to be 20 minutes trying on stupidly overpriced t-shirts in All Saints and looking at stupid phones you aren't even going to buy then tell me and I'll go to Costa or Waterstones or both. Don't tell me you'll 'only be a sec'

LEMisdisappointed · 28/09/2013 12:11

I don't drive, and need my DP to take me everywhere - i need to sort that out because its very restricive. So i get where you are coming from re driving to the "shopping mall" but i manage quite well without ever visiting those places - because they are hell on earth!!!

You see it over and over, the women "just having a look over there for the umpteeth time" and the poor man looking like has lost the will to live!

I have had a long and happy relationship with DP - i attribute this to the fact that we both hate shopping

Wuxiapian · 28/09/2013 12:13

Most men dislike shopping. 20 mins is a long time to o an exchange.

Why couldn't you have done the exchange another time and not on a family evening out?

YABU.

LEMisdisappointed · 28/09/2013 12:14

Youthecat you have pulled me up on a technicality there! Grin The atmosphere, although only being now caused by one person, will still exist between both parties! Although technically it wont because he has gone escaped to work.

Hunfriend · 28/09/2013 12:14

Why on earth would you make a trip to the shopping centre to exchange the clothes if you knew you were going there later Confused
2 lots of parking fees ,petrol - doesn't make sense.

All so that her DH doesn't have to wait for 20 minutesHmm . Btw "Family fun time" is one of those phrases that sets my teeth on edge - sounds very pressured to me.

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