To not understand why you'd boast about a natural childbirth?

[HolaGuapo]

A colleague of mine had a baby girl this morning.
Long backstory with the colleague but to cut it short - she's very strange, everything is always about her (constantly) and how much money etc she has and a couple of people at work have said things along the lines of she's a bit of a narcissist. Her life seems to be one constant, long drama (she's bragged about the fact that she tricked her ex into getting her pregnant and then at 30 weeks was engaged to a guy she'd known 2 weeks and he is apparently taking the baby on as his own) and she lies about a lot of things.

So I went on Facebook, saw she'd posted 'DD born this morning, weighs x' etc. at the end of the status she put 'no pain relief used except a tiny bit of gas and air. So proud of myself'. I commented congratulations, and she replied saying 'thanks, I'm so amazed, I can't believe i did it with only a small amount of gas and air, so proud of myself for not needing anything else'. Scrolling up I saw everyone who had congratulated had also had this kind of reply.
I'm 22 weeks pregnant with my first and I have a low pain threshold so know I will need some sort of pain relief. However, even if I didn't, I wouldn't be boasting about how much (or how little) pain relief I'd used!
AIBU to just not understand why you'd boast about this?

I do see your point OP however I was proud I'd managed to push my 9lb 2oz DD out with no pain relief (awkward little bugger was facing the wrong way coming out and got her shoulders stuck and it was all very painful and traumatic).

That said, I've never understood why certain people like my MIL think that a c section is a piece of piss. My sister and several of my friends have had sections for a variety of reasons and it doesn't look an easy thing to recover from. In fact it was being threatened with a section that spurred me on to give the massive push that got my DD out. I was terrified of needing major surgery to get her out so really when you look at it that way I'm a wimp rather than a hero!

Honestly OP the most important thing is both you and your baby come out of it all happy, healthy and together. Giving birth is such a small part of being a mum. how baby gets here (vaginally, section, adopted whatever) isnt important long as they are loved.

Sounds like your friend is going to have the same attitude at every single stage in her child's life.

I wish I had pain relief but due to the complicated & quick descent into labour at 26 weeks I wasn't allowed any. What a twit of the highest order & tbh how do you really know that she didnt need pain relief. You have only her word for it & as you said earlier she has a habit of lying.

I think YAB a little U, there is nothing wrong with being proud of your birth whatever the method. Also she is still high on post labour hormones so a little lack of judgement is allowed I would have thought.

I am immensly proud of my two drug free births because that is what was important to me. I am a bit of a wimp when it comes to needles and I hate hate hate feeling sick so the immediate options of epidurals and pethedine really worried me. And as for a C section, I would imagine that anyone would want to avoid major abdominal surgery if at all possible. I was also hoping for as quick a recovery as possible afterwards, and I just knew somehow that my body had it in me to do it. That is absoloutely not to say that how anyone else choses to deliver their baby is any of my business, and I would not for a second judge. I was very very lucky that circumstance allowed me to have the births I wanted, other women have had much more difficult birth experiences and have chosen or been forced to chose a different path. So what, all that matters is a healthy Mum and Baby at the end.

If she snubs your birth story when the time comes then I retract my first paragraph, but then it's just down to her being a prat generally.

Good luck with your labour whatever happens :)

Some people like to get a head start on their competitive parenting efforts.

She is lucky, that's all. No one plans a crash C section but my friend and her twins would probably not be here otherwise.

She shouldn't tempt fate either. Words such as colic, poor sleeper and vom bomb come to mind!

YABU. There is nothing wrong with being proud of yourself. If what you wanted was a natural birth and what you got was a natural birth then good on you.

Sounds like you don't like this person and just want to be bitchy.

It's not insensitive, it's OK to be proud of any birth, at home, in hosp, with or without pain killers. It's fine to be proud and you shouldn't take it personally.

Obviously, reading snoppy's post, I didn't have it in my body to deliver a baby naturally, I had two c sections both emergencies, I just didn't manage it did I. Shame on me. I probably do not deserve to be proud acocrding to her post, as I didn't have it in me to deliver a baby. Snoopy, many women don't 'choose' to deliver their baby one way or another. If you have a team of doctors/consultants/midwifes around you saying that your baby needs to be delivered immediatly or it will very probaby die, trust me, your answer is not 'well my body can do it' your answer is 'where do I sign'. You don't have a choice.

Some people just like to feel superior. If you can manage to give birth without pain relief good for you - yawn. Personally I don't enjoy it myself and think it's like shitting a melon and I need more than a bit of whale music or a pool of water.

But she gave birth that morning - good lord she is probably still in shock..."I can't believe I just did" was pretty much all I said for the first 24 hours.
OK she may be the boasting type but on this case I'd cut her some slack .... and save my disapproval for when she announces her baby slept all the way through from 1 week...

I don't think anyone's being competitive over their respective birth experiences Vagndidit

I don't see the problem with being proud of giving birth without pain relief. I've got no problems with women having epidurals or anything (although I don't believe in elective Csections unless there is a medical reason), but I wanted to have my child in the most natural way possible. Unfortunately I ended up in theatre having a forceps delivery as DS was in distress. Up until then I'd only had gas and air. Sometimes you don't get a choice. We all have the right to be proud of bringing our children into this world, regardless of the type of birth we have.

Wouldn't personally put that sort of thing on Facebook but then I'm a pretty private person.DC2 was a vbac without pain relief and I am proud and do / did wan other women to know that it is possible as otherwise the horror stories dominate and birth becomes a scary prospect when it does not need to be.

i do think it is something to be proud of. I would never post it on FB but then i would not post anything private there. Childbirth is so medicalised now, often with side effects, it is good to see a mother manage it naturally without unnecessary intervention

I don't feel superior for having a natural birth, I feel fortunate. I'm glad I've had the opportunity to do it. I'm not in the slightest competitive about my child birth experience.

Why are women who've had c-sec allowed to discuss it ad infinitum & are never branded smug? That's just hypocritical.

I am proud of managing my deliveries without pain relief.
I had no choice. Unbelievably ridiculous twatty fast fast fast births.
Iwouldn't have given them my house if they could give me pain med. I m proud I managed. And didn't swear too much.
I genuinely thought I was going to die with DD. I was almost hysterical with joy that I managed.

I think how you deliver matters not one jot.

Those two paragraphs are perfectly compatible IMO.

There is no way to win when announcing a birth, either you don't give enough details and you have to explain over and over again, or you give too many details and you are accused of bragging.

She has just given birth, she is pleased with herself, and rightly so, I'm sure she would have announced if she had pain relief, or a c section, or forceps too. Let her have her moment.

I had an ELCS and felt like a total fucking GODDESS. But then I think FB is the work of the devil, so I probably only told DH I was a goddess.

I was, though.

Poor you, OP - I do remember well all the stories everyone insisted on telling me before I had my first. Not sure which were worst - the labours from hell or the fabulous, life-affirming experiences.

DH got it too. All his male friends telling him how horrible being in the delivery room was, and one dr 'friend' telling him he'd never want to have sex again.

And then it carries on. My first baby clinic where another mum was so proud that her baby had put on more weight than mine. Still not sure what she thought it proved . . .

Now I've just realised that of course I'm doing it too - horror stories about how ghastly it all is. But really all I mean to say is that

1. People can be amazingly insensitive
2. When it comes to giving birth, it will probably go fine, but if you do have any problems, you'll take the help that's recommended because you'd be an idiot not to.
3. Your pain threshold is not something anyone else can measure
4. Talk things over with your friends and people you trust - and just let comments like those of your colleague wash over you.

Really good luck. It is so worth it.

If you can't be proud of giving birth to your first baby, without pain relief, on your own Facebook page, where the Hell can you?!!!

Fwiw, I felt just as proud of myself, if not prouder, after giving birth with Dc1, even though it was induced, epidural and vontouse, as I was with the births of my other 3 that popped out with a whiff of gas and air or in a big bath.

blueberry did you not read my post at all? I said I was very very lucky that circumstance allowed me to have things the way I'd hoped and nothing more. I also said that some women were forced into altering their path, i.e if in a horrible situation of course you will do what is best and safest.

I agree with a previous poster would said it is just best not to actually say anything, ever, because obviously you will always offend somebody even without meaning to.

Fuck. People like her wind me the hell up.

"I had no pain relief, I'm such a good mother." No sweetie. You had no pain relief, your birth hurt a hell of a lot more than mine did. Well done you. Here is your gold star

I chose to have a C-section. 1) I am tiny. I had no intention of heaving away on my hands and knees for (knowing my luck) 36hrs only to be told, the baby is likely to crack your sparrow sized pelvis so you're having an emergency C-section anyway. 2) I am not one of these women (like your colleague) who seems to think being in a higher level pain is something to be proud of and look down your nose at other mothers for. 3) I didn't want to, how shall I put this, "affect" my sex life going forward with DP (hardly a priority, but it was an added bonus) 4) If I was going to end up with stitches, I'd much rather have them in a tiny line on my tummy than elsewhere.

I would have another C-section tomorrow. Only pain from start to finish was the scratch of the first drip thingy going into my hand. Arrived at hospital at 7am. Pre meds, relaxed, ready and knowing everything that was about to happen, no nasty surprises. Waddled to theatre at 10.30. Wheeled in at 11.00. He was out by 11.16. Sewn up by a plastic surgeon (you can't even see my scar now) by 11.35. In my own room (to reduce my infection risk) for the rest of the night. ALL on the NHS before I get the "oooh, get you!". Stayed one more night, was able to shuffle about and shower by the next morning, so went home! 48hrs from walking in to walking out.

Am I proud of my procedure and think I should be boastful of this? No. Why would I be. I gave birth, just like every mother on here. I am I pleased with how it all went? Absolutely, and would recommend my personal experience to anyone. Am I a lesser mother because I was chatty, smiley, not even broken a sweat and in absolutely no pain whilst he was born? No. You wouldn't have an tooth removal with no anaesthetic and gloat like you were some kind of hero would you, people would think you were frankly a bit simple when you could have been pain free. Why should your "child removal" (lol!!! ) be any different?

OP, you'll be fine. Whether you have every drug they can pump into you, a C-section, water birth, whatever...it's your baby, your body, do what's right for you. And don't let anyone make you feel inadequate for making your birth as painless as possible. To me, that just makes you less stressed, less exhausted, and feeling fresher to deal with the baby :)

*who not would

I get what you're on about. It's the competitiveness that annoys me.

My first birth was horrendous. I felt crap about it for ages. Nothing I could have done or not done works have made it better. I've never felt pain like it.

My second birth - well, I've honestly had worse headaches.

Totally luck of the draw, if you breezed it and didn't need pain relief, it's probably cause it wasn't that bad. Someone who did have pain relief was maybe in more pain.

Whenever this debate happens, it comes down to the fact that people have a different and very personal interpretation of the word "proud".

To some people, the word just means feeling happy that you have done something.

To other people, it has implications of "having an inordinately high opinion of oneself".

To me, that's why comments about feeling proud of a natural birth can upset other people. They are applying more weight to the sense of 'achieving' something, and to them that suggests that people who didn't achieve the same thing just didn't work as hard etc.

I was proud of myself after dd2 because dd1 had been a nightmare and I'd have signed anything if they'd told me it would take the pain away. And I knew I didn't handle it well. So I was proud for taking less pain relief with dd2 because I know I'd handled it better.*

*Disclaimer: I am not saying that less pain relief=handled better.
But in my case, my poor handling of the situation had made things worse the first time, and I had to make a definite decision the second time not to do it again.
Although I did write on my medical notes the second time: "Patient requests GA from beginning of the 8th month until just after the baby is born".