To not feed DS dinner until he's properly ravenous and sometimes a bit weepy?

[HarderToKidnap]

DS is 22 months and on around the 9th centile. Eats like a bird. Few mouthfuls of cereal for breakfast, cup of milk and fruit mid morning. Lunch is non existent at the mo, today he licked some cream cheese from an oatcake and had half an Ella's fruit pouch. Then a biscuit mid afternoon sometimes. I've pushed his dinner back to 530 from 445 ish and by the time I come to serve it he is RAVENOUS. He was roaring at me today "DINNER!" And crying with hunger whilst I was making it. He eats so much more though, today he did two scrambled eggs, smoked salmon and a yoghurt. He has milk before bed.

I feel a bit shit that my tiny toddler is crying with hunger by dinner time but it seems unless he is starving to the point of tears he doesn't bloody eat anything! At least this way he does eat. AIBU? And if I am, how should I jiggle meal times to try and make sure he eats?

On a nursing strike. Poxy IPad!

Edendance, the OP's child isn't obese though, in fact the situation is the opposite- in this case I think it makes sense to provide food when hungry. There is plenty of time for your toddler to fall into the conventional, breakfast, lunch, dinner routine. This will be imposed on him at school where he probably won't starve himself.

I am similar to Kelda in my approach in that my DS does have snacks- half a sandwich on meeting him from school, he will then eat dinner but it would be a child's plate of whatever we are eating. He has supper and milk before bed. He is very slim/skinny and healthy as we have a 2 mile walk to school. He snacks but there is no obesity problem- far from it.

Op if you want him to gain weight shouldn't the carbs that he will eat feature in his diet every day?

I'm not talking childhood obesity, but adult. Patterns of behaviour instilled in young children do affect their ideals and values when the hit adulthood. All children I've cared for have generally eaten decent meals with occasional and very rare snacking, I don't think that's co-incidence.

If he eats better when he's hungry then don't feed him inbetween meals, then when mealtime comes he'll probably eat a lot better.

My DD2 was a poor eater when younger.
At 30mnths she was on 9 (yes 9) separate eating occasions each day. Basically to get food into her it was a case of little and often. Then over time we were able to merge meals together until we ended up with 'normal' times. Milk is very filling, so if he is having a lot of that he maybe waon't be so hungry for 'proper' food.

If your DS looks healthy, has energy, and eats a variety of food, then try not to worry. Check portion sizes aren't too big. Relax.

I disagree about it not being coincidence,I have also cared for many children and provided 3 meals a day with very limited snacking. When I had ds it was a whole different ball game and he ate little and often and still does at 12. He'd much rather not have big meals. He made that quite clear despite me trying to encourage 3 meals a day and no snacks. As I said earlier if I had my time again I would just put extra on my own plate for him to take

It's not the amount of sleep but the time. Think I read that sd goes to sleep 10.30am for 2.5/3hrs. That what is unusual for a child his age

Most nearly 2yrs don't need an am sleep or if then they do a small catnap and a long sleep after lunch

The 22mth I look after (I'm a nanny so have looked after lots of toddlers) sleeps 2.5/3hrs but pm. Up 7ish. Breakie 7.30/8 playtime then lunch 12/1 depending what we are up to

Sleep 1/4ish sometimes 2/5 and mum says let sleep till wakes up and yes back in bed 7.730

Personally I prefer not to let children sleep after3.30 (so will go to bed easily at 7ish) and often have school run so up by 3ish anyway

Just seems weird that eats at cm and not at yours

Harder, I was knocked sideways by an EMCS and so I gave up trying to establish breast feeding after three days. I feel terribly guilty about it now, especially considering DD's reflux and general apathy regarding milk. In my darker moments I wonder if I've done this to her by bottle feeding her.

I was at a baby group yesterday where a mum and baby cuddled and the baby was having a right grumble, so the mum put her baby to her breast and her baby got cracking. No crying, or more often, screaming. No arching of back. Just yep, hungry, ooh yay, boob, nom nom.

So there's the other side of the coin - I always think it would be better if I'd fed her myself :(.

Cor, guilt, anyone?

My toddler used to nap for about 45 minutes in the morning and from 2-5pm every afternoon at much older than 2. Children sleep differently.

babies and toddlers have strong instincts about when to eat and how much. As someone said earlier, someone has to be on the 9th centile and your toddlers genes say it is him.

Now obviously you could bypass the appetite controls in a number of ways.

1. feed him something outrageously sugary so his reflexes can't kick in in time - this will be addictive after a few tries and will make him obese in no time.

1. encourage starve then binge behaviour. This breaks control in adults so it should work for toddlers too. Again he will be obese in no time.

But can someone (anyone) explain why breaking your toddlers appetite control mechanisms leading to childhood and usually adult obesity is a good idea?

I can't really see it?

sorry getting the rage at some of the comments on here. The deal is:
In tune with bodies demands for calories = not obese
Ignoring bodies demands for calories = obese

You can be following your bodies demands and need to eat three solid meals a day, or be following your bodies demands and snack lightly and continuously. Both of these are unlikely to lead to obesity.

Enforcing large meals on a natural snacker, or continuous snacking on a 3 meal a day person will both lead to the natural control systems being over-ridden and hence obesity.

So in general, don't try and control the way babies, toddlers or children up to around 7 eat. They are doing what is naturally right for them, and as long as they are healthy, intervention is far more likely to harm than good.

I would say that your instinct that "he needs to be ravenous to eat something" is definitely off. Relax and let him eat when he is hungry. Waiting until he is ravenous can really undermine his natural ability to regulate himself. If you wait until he is too hungry, it might affect his ability to recognize the feelings of being hungry and of being full (leading to over-eating, which perhaps he is already doing when you feed him at 5:30).

The problem with snacking IME is that snacks are often not nutritionally balanced, eg biscuits. Five or six small meals a day is not what people mean by snacks.

There's a difference between being ravenous and being hungry, anyway. OP has said her DS is impatient for his dinner once he sees it being prepared.

Snacking can lead to overriding natural appetite mechanisms surely. There's plenty of children who seem to snack out of boredom, to keep them quiet, and it quickly becomes a habit.

It sounds like he's eating so much in the evening that he's not hungry until the following evening. Two scrambled eggs, smoked salmon and a yogurt sounds like a lot for one tiny toddler!!!

I'd cut out all snacks, move dinner back 20 mins or to just before he starts getting narky and give him a smaller dinner so he's hungry for breakfast.

Toddlers also eat better if everyone else is eating at the table too so have your meals with him and eat the same. If your stressing out at mealtimes, he's going to be stressed and that will negatively impact on his appetite so make it as pleasant, calm and relaxing as possible.

Stop worrying about the centiles, focus on providing good food at regular mealtimes in a calm environment and getting him outside to run about as much as possible. If he's not burning energy he's not going to be consuming much, appetites need to be worked up.

With regard to napping, my DS2 sleeps anywhere from 2 - 3.5 hours. DS1 was the same. DD was an amazing sleeper and napped for 3 - 4 hours a day. All of them have had early bedtimes and slept through from an early age.

TBH, if they had a shorter nap for whatever reason, they were more grumpy and took longer to get to sleep.

Naps help kids and mums

Just feed the child, no? If he gets energy from food he may not sleep so much. Energy will make him run round, and then he'll be hungry again. Do you take him outdoors for fresh air or to activities say, or the park much? Seaside if you're near it?

Do you interject with him, reading, activities, an apple in a dish on the side.

Or have I blew it and missed the point completely?