To not feed DS dinner until he's properly ravenous and sometimes a bit weepy?

[HarderToKidnap]

DS is 22 months and on around the 9th centile. Eats like a bird. Few mouthfuls of cereal for breakfast, cup of milk and fruit mid morning. Lunch is non existent at the mo, today he licked some cream cheese from an oatcake and had half an Ella's fruit pouch. Then a biscuit mid afternoon sometimes. I've pushed his dinner back to 530 from 445 ish and by the time I come to serve it he is RAVENOUS. He was roaring at me today "DINNER!" And crying with hunger whilst I was making it. He eats so much more though, today he did two scrambled eggs, smoked salmon and a yoghurt. He has milk before bed.

I feel a bit shit that my tiny toddler is crying with hunger by dinner time but it seems unless he is starving to the point of tears he doesn't bloody eat anything! At least this way he does eat. AIBU? And if I am, how should I jiggle meal times to try and make sure he eats?

Some good advice here

YABU, it's cruel.

I find I hard to feed my children but I would never do that to them.
I found that 5.30pm is too for late for children to eat.

I would lose the biscuit and do tea a bit earlier than 5.30.

22 month olds don't need biscuits

Make a packed lunch type tea and have it ready in the fridge for when he is hungry. Will take 3 seconds to get it out once he says he is hungry No need for crying. I don't think it can be good to get to a situation where he can only eat when distraught. He needs to learn it is safe to eat and that if he doesn't eat the second he needs food nothing will happen. If you offer a range maybe you are offering too much.

YABU. He's a tiny child. Don't withhold food from him when he is clearly hungry. If he's crying and ravenous, you have waited too long to feed him (obviously).

Extreme cases aside, most children will eat what they need when they need it. He may be eating more than he really needs or wants at 5:30, because he has become too hungry so he overeats. One of the best things we can do for our children is allow them to recognize when they are hungry and when they are full. That's just one reason I can't stand all the "eat your vegetables and then you can have your dessert" cajoling that goes on in so many families.

Some great ideas here, thank you. Not going to to cut down on the nap though, he was late to drop his morning nap and is still transitioning really. He can get through to lunch and nap after but its dreadful, he's a mess. He gets plenty of activity too, up at 7, playing with toys and pottering with me till 9 then out to park for 45 minutes, back for playing and books, sleeps 1030 til 1 Ish, lunch, then out to toddler group or a friends house or the shops til 3.30 ish or later, home for the garden if nice or painting etc if not. Dinner 530, milk, tv til 630, bath and bed, out like a light for 12 hours. He is constantly busy, on the go and outside most of the time!

I like to him to have a hot cooked meal, packed lunch type tea doesn't float my boat. Is this silly?

Doesn't have to be a cold packed lunch. Could be a hot meal that you keep warm for a bit. As long as you don't leave it too long.

Honestly you're obsessing a little bit.

I have a 22 month old dd who eats like a bird. I wouldn't even dream of starving her so that she gorges on a meal. She eats snacks and small meals. She's on about the 9th centile. That's just her build. I also have a ds who eats everything in sight. He's a bit overweight (nearly 4).

Your choice. Why would it be silly? it would only be silly if you tried it and it worked and then refused to do it again.

FWIW My dd barely ate a thing when she was small and I wondered how she survived. Fine now. Eats loads some days, other days "normal," and others not so much. I trust her to eat when she is hungry and stop when she is full. She will have a good attitude to food when she has to cook for herself.

The 9th centile isn't tiny.What centile was he on as a baby?

We have a rule, no eating two hours before a meal otherwise all my cooking efforts are waisted. It seems to create a good balance though and they tend to eat their tea. If they looked painfully hungry I would give them maybe part of their lunch slightly early - maybe salad or veg

My 4 are on the bottom percentile line and just below. I don't worry about how much food they eat. I do try to give them wholesome food though.

Be careful too - I can get from the ' I'm massively hungry, I need food now' to 'pah, don't care any more it's been too long' quite easily.

As an adult, I'll eat anyway and usually rediscover an appetite, but a toddler might not bother to start eating. The urge has gone. For now.

That said, my DD is 2y4m and has a random feeding pattern - one day loads, others very little. I have found that about 40 mins after waking up is best for her and she'll eat loads then. So we usually have a meal at breakfast rather than just cereal.

I'm still BF though so tend to worry less on days that she has less than I would otherwise as she'll generally up these feeds and as I'm there, I know she's done that.

Just offer food, some days he will eat it and others he won't. Do not make a big deal out of it. If I had my time again I would just put extra on my own plate and let ds help himself as he always wanted my dinner

FGS op get a grip, think of your child as an adult and feed appropriately, you are really over thinking this! when your child is 9 plus and raiding the food cupboard of chocolate when you are not looking is the time to worry!!!!! feed your child when they are hungry, it is easy!!!! ( i mean that nicely XXXXXxxxxxx)

If it helps at all my ds1 is 21 and I still stress whether he is eating enough. It's a mum thing. He is 6 foot 2 and very skinny, but I guess the calories in beer count a bit!

I had no idea what centiles even mean let alone what ds was on and he was 8 weeks prem!

He may get food issues. Not an intellectual statement I know. But this could lead to all sorts of problems.

Have food ready for when he wants it.

YABU, sorry.

I worried about my oldest's eating or lack of it and found this book really helped :

My Child Won't Eat!.

I got the Kindle version quite cheaply.

It is very reassuring about children's growth and eating patterns.

I would start cooking about 4:45 with the aim of serving dinner at 5:15pm so you catch him wbile he is hungry but not screaming in hunger. I wouldn't let my son cry in hunger because he will have a meltdown & refuse to eat which is a risk with your method.

i would just say relax about the whole thing and let him eat little and often when he wants to.

i never ate much as a really little child, i just never felt hungry. when and if i did, i ate.

my stepfather couldnt bear the way i was with food and ruled with an iron fist (literally)
obsessing over food can fuck up your eating patterns for life - i would say relax. let him eat when he wants - his diet doesnt sound that bad actually.
making him wait until he is crying is only going to naff up his relationship with food imho. its silly.

Interesting that you said he eats more easily at the minder's. Children DO use eating to manipulate you and, frustratingly, your anxiety about it will be getting through to him. I'd be inclined to have appropriate food around 5 or 6 times a day, where he can reach it - or at least see it - and pretend you don't care whether he eats it or not.

Here's the thing about averages & percentages. They reflect what is, not what some divine authority said ought to be. So, if your DS were measured against 1,000 huge children, he'd be in the first centile. If the 1,000 children were all skinny pinnies, he'd be in the fiftieth - average.
Put it another way, as kids get bigger overall, the average also gets bigger. Don't worry about the numbers :)

Can't remember who posted this - "In France and Southern Europe people don't snack at every opportunity (especially children) " - but it made me think things haven't changed much in the 40 years since I was a nanny in France! I was expected to make the children eat on schedule. Mealtimes were often emotional hurricanes. It was horrible. This is also how things were in my British childhood; we got more child-friendly. Maybe the French & Italians haven't ... well, the Italians still whack their kids all the time, so I know they haven't!

Sounds like your lovely childhood home was similar to mine, Vicar :(

... and, yes, I grew up with an eating disorder.