To not feed DS dinner until he's properly ravenous and sometimes a bit weepy?

[HarderToKidnap]

DS is 22 months and on around the 9th centile. Eats like a bird. Few mouthfuls of cereal for breakfast, cup of milk and fruit mid morning. Lunch is non existent at the mo, today he licked some cream cheese from an oatcake and had half an Ella's fruit pouch. Then a biscuit mid afternoon sometimes. I've pushed his dinner back to 530 from 445 ish and by the time I come to serve it he is RAVENOUS. He was roaring at me today "DINNER!" And crying with hunger whilst I was making it. He eats so much more though, today he did two scrambled eggs, smoked salmon and a yoghurt. He has milk before bed.

I feel a bit shit that my tiny toddler is crying with hunger by dinner time but it seems unless he is starving to the point of tears he doesn't bloody eat anything! At least this way he does eat. AIBU? And if I am, how should I jiggle meal times to try and make sure he eats?

chocoluvva - no actually, it is clearly genetic in my children's case.

They were all breastfed on demand. All healthy. They ate regularly, I just never pushed them to eat massive amounts all in one go.

And considering they are all slim, fit and healthy, I think I did something right.

I do remember one well-intentioned aunt trying to force feed dd1 what she thought was a suitable amount for a 10-month old.

Dd1 vomited on her skirt.

The way we eat is such a complex thing now isn't it?

I think it's a good approach to have lunch and dinner times that are looked forward to and enjoyed as a break and a sociable time, with enjoyable food as well as for nutrition. In the long run I think that's probably better than lots of snacking.

My DS was breastfed on demand too. He enjoys tucking into a hearty, healthy meal with us. It's not the portion size - I agree but the fact of having a balanced diet and enjoying meals for their social purposes.

My idea is for an overall healthy lifestyle - regular sleep, meals and physical activity.

It's very hard when they're toddlers.

'The way we eat is such a complex thing now isn't it?'

which is why I made it as simple as possible and followed my children's lead for the main part. It wasn't that hard.

We eat three main meals with fruit as a snack, sometimes biscuits, and in the evenings a snack before going to bed (sandwich or banana and milk). My children all know how to sit down with family and eat.

But I would never leave them crying with hunger.

I always sit with him to eat, especially at lunch. Doesn't seem to help. He definitely enjoys sitting and eating though. Fwiw, he eats plenty of carbs normally, only pasta and potatoes though, rice, bread and other grains are not tolerated! He's not great with veg but will eat some veg most days.

I'm going to bring dinner forward a bit and cut snack mid afternoon today. I do think though he is incredibly impatient and when he sees the food, that's when he starts weeping! I suspect I'll get this problem whenever I dish up, but we'll see.

Question for those of you who just offer food when he's hungry, how does that work in practice? D you just have lots of food ready to go? How many things do you offer?

Interesting about portion sizes too, maybe I'm skewed in my perception there. I'm overweight, my whole family is big and very tall. I'm very much the tiddler at five foot 8. Hs dad is 6 foot and broad so it doesn't seem quite right he should be so small. When I tried a bit more relaxed approach he went down to 0.2 centile and that just doesn't square for me, but I'm a total feeder so maybe that's my problem.

OP's problem is that if she doesn't leave meals until her DS is very hungry he doesn't eat them though.

IME dinnertime is a difficult time of day when they're little anyway. They're usually getting tired then.

I think the suggestion of having something ready for him is good. Also as he gets bigger he'll be able to understand that waiting for ten minutes for dinner to finish cooking (or whatever) is bearable.

What routine does he have at cm? You say less sleep and eats

Try that. As I said before a long sleep am is rare for a child of that age

So early lunch and a sleep

If really can't make through am without a sleep - tho sure will be able to after a days /tweaking - then have a cat nap am of about 40 mins and then lunch and long sleep

I'm surprised so many people think it's basically abuse to let a child be hungry for 20 minutes, to the point that you should have a meal on standby for the very moment they look peckish!

He sleeps for 2-2.5 hours blondes, occasionally approaching 3. Is that really too long? His little friends all seem similar, he has no problems going down at night or sleeping through, he's is so much lovelier all round when he's had this sleeps and tbh it's great for me as I get some downtime and some time to do jobs. It's my instinct he really needs the sleep. Not sure what the benefit is of moving it? He is SO active the rest of the time, loads of fresh air etc. At CM he sleeps less because she wakes him so they can do school runs, groups etc although even there he does a good 1hr 45. Se definitely does feed them all in front of the telly too, so that must help, plus seeing the other kids eat.

Seriously you need to stop with the centiles OP , stop looking at the book all together it makes you sound obsessed.

Toddlers don't eat much generally, hence people talking about them being 'fussy,' usually it's just their food intake slowing down a bit.

Your child doesn't sound particularly small so no need to worry. Offer food at meal times and healthy snacks and cut back on milky drinks.

Toddlers are meant to be tiny.

The fact you are even asking if you should wait until your child is weeping just so you can get more food down him suggests you have some quite deep seated food issues imo.

Back off before this becomes more of an issue.

My DS is 20m and is a brilliant eater when he wants to be.

He doesn't eat lunch as he naps from 12-1.30-2pm most days. Even if he is awake at that time, he won't eat a sandwich or anything substantial because he has a big breakfast of weetabix or porridge and a beaker of warm milk which keep him going until nap time.

When he wakes up we go straight to school to pick up dd and he will have tea/fruit snack with her and he enjoys eating when he's sitting at the table with his sister and me. The days DH is at home in the evenings I give both of them a plate of fruit and we eat later at 6.30pm all together.

I'm not a big fan of constant snacks. My sil thinks my DS is malnutritioned because her 10 m old is nearly the same size as my DS and she is constantly trying to feed him yoghurts and snacks when we go over (to make me feel bad), but my DS is very very active, climbs, jumps and runs around all day when awake. I've spoken to a few other mothers and they tell me my DS looks really healthy so I worry less now. We always have left overs in the fridge like lentil soups or vegetable and meat curries so I can just quickly warm it up and let him feed himself.

Also, I don't allow water at the table or with food when the children are eating. For some reason both of mine will glug down cups and cups of water and that leaves them unable to eat. They get water after they've finished eating.

I am very pro napping but I think 3 hours is too long.

It must be stressful cooking while the toddler cries though.

In principle I agree - the feeling of being hungry isn't something to be avoided at all costs. OMG I'm hungry - how awful.

I don't wait til he weeps, Valium as I've said. I wait til he's hungry and he weeps as he sees me dish up, so I'm cooking it long before the weeping! And it could be impatience as much as anything.

I'm not obsessed with centiles, I'm using them here for illustrative purposes as it helps to describe his size to people reading. You cant see him so it's an easy short hand way to describe how he looks.

He slid right off the centiles as a baby and I actually didn't take him to be weighed at all between 4 months old and a year as it was worrying me and I wanted to make a conscious decision not to let it.

I'm not understanding the dichotomy here of just feeding him whenever he's hungry but not letting him sleep when he's tired. I'm not being shitty, it's just that both those things don't sit with me! My instincts seem totally off according to some posters here yet my instincts are so strong that he needs his sleep and he needs to be ravenous to eat something that I would have trouble ignoring them.

I don't get the problem with naps either, so long as he sleeps at night. My DS napped 2-3 hours until he was almost 3.

"feeding him whenever he's hungry" - how do these parents know that they're hungry anyway and not just at a loose end having finished what they were doing/thirsty/in the mood for something sweet?

It'll get easier as he learns to wait for a short while.

In all honesty it could just be a case of accepting this is how he is until he drops the nap. Assuming he has the usual 7-7 is bed time, with 2/3 hour nap and three meals plus snacks to fit in, it's impossible to for it all in without him eating every 2-2.5 hours. That's more than some newborn babies feed. He just isn't going to be hungry I'm such a short space of time. Dd2 was exactly the same because she was having to nap then eat lunch then snacks at bus stop, and just wasn't interested at all (it was unavoidable due to school run buses)

I don't think there's much you can do but drop snacks and reduce nap. If that's not an option then this is just going to be how it is til he outgrows it.

At the moment, discounting lunch which is a joke, I'd say he is taking on board some nutrition at 730, 1030, 230 occasionally and 530. 3-4 hours between eating. About right? Going to drop the mid pm snack though.

I also don't understand the snacking obsession. I would cut that out entirely and go from there tbh. Be aware that at the end of the day tiredness- not just hunger will be making him more emotional but do be careful that food doesn't become a tool for him to 'feel better'.

Obesity problems can often stem from the emotion we put onto eating. Too many adults feed children as soon as they so much as whimper throughout the day and then wonder why food becomes a source of comfort for their children.

It also could be habit- at the end of the day I cry for dinner. Toddlers are very into their habits

Sorry- have only just seen your bit on sleeping!! If he's sleeping well at night then stick with his napping as it is! If it ain't broke, etc!

A child who is overtired can sleep just as badly at night as one who is under tired so if it's working then he's probably getting just the right amount.

Not read thread, normally hate that but just wanted to say Op, as a mum of a 4 month old baby that really isn't fussed about milk (and to be fair, has reflux, but that's now under control, she's just not arsed) I can only imagine the spectrum of emotions you must feel every day. I think waiting until he's really hungry, and so will eat more, must be the best thing for him at the current time. It may well help his appetite, help his little tummy grow a bit so he can move on from eating like a bird to enjoying bigger amounts.

As long as there are cuddles for him and you (your emotions are just as important here - seeing your baby cry won't be nice, so give yourself some tlc) then it is doing the right thing for your current situation.

Every now and then I feel a bit sick at the idea of my DD's appetite not changing when she's weaned. If I 'relax' and let myself be 'baby led' then my daughter gains an ounce a week. Fact. If I stress and almost follow her around with a bottle, she gains 3.5 ounces each week. Endless, endless pressure.

Purr purr, I hear you. He gained terribly as a baby, I had all sorts of threads going about it. He would feed for 5 minutes max, ever. And gained pitifully. He's never been fussed really about eating, so different to me and DH! He never fed for comfort either, even though people kept telling me he would, he WOULDN'T. He would feed the bare minimum required not to actually die. He loved his evening bottle though, which I introduced at a year, I do sometimes wonder if would be a bigger child if I'd bottle fed. He only really seemed to get into breast feeding as I was weaning him at 17 months!

Whatever I'm going through now, nothing can be as stressful as it was she he was 4 months and went in a nursing stroke. darkest, most awful couple of weeks of my whole life.