Am I being unreasonable to confront this woman?

[justanuthermanicmumsday]

for those of you who don't know I wear a face veil usually a patterned scarf to avoid sticking out so much lol. point is I expect the odd comments maybe groans as I work past in my honour of course.

But two times now this senior lady I'd say in her 60s or more unprovoked loudly made comments at me. The first time she said" why are you wearing that" I was walking past with my twin buggy to supermarket, I thght she was incredibly rude. Had she said excuse me and proceeded to ask me a question in a normal tone I wouldn't have been miffed. Still I kept my cool said religious reasons as I walked away. I didn't want a conversation I don't see why I should explain when she was so rude.

yet today I see her again shouting across the road at me this time." No need to wear that take it off". Today I would say she looked aggressive or perhaps it was my eyes deceiving me. My toddler was with me she looked distressed said" mummy whys that lady shouting". I said "she's prob ill like your gran never mind her."

Should I confront her if this happens again? I'm not an aggressive person quite a walkover and not much confidence but I think it can't be ignored its like harassment.

I dread to think ill pass her again if I pop out she's always on the same route as me, yet why should I dread her.

Granted she doesn't like my dress neither does my brother, I'm not harming her in anyway. one sibling said I shouldn't confront her in case she goes to the police. But that's insane what reason would she have to go to the police i would simply tell her to get off my case. How would she like it if I told her to change her dress for something more acceptable to me. She's not the fashion police or the law.

Please remember this is not a conversation on whether you approve of my dress rather this woman's behaviour

It is so ridiculous that you find the veil OFFENSIVE

A woman choosing to wear a veil does not in any way harm you.

I don't for one minute agree with covering the face - but I also do not care if a woman CHOOSES to!!!

The point of this thread is, is it acceptable to shout a woman in the street for wearing a veil?

NO it is not and there is no justification for it at all.

Heartisaspade, what do you mean if OP has her way? What intentions are you attributing to a woman who simply does not want to be abused in the street?

heart do you think the OP deserved to be shouted at in the street by this lady?

I like all the suggestions to give polite smiles and withering looks

OP you can:
Ignore her
Confront her
Report her to the police

Do what you feel is best.

www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2013/sep/17/full-face-veil-not-barbaric-debate-muslim-women

Food for thought and sums up the majority view on this thread. Most notably this final comment in the article thereby targeting veiled Muslim women as the latest victims in Europe's long history of persecution .

*no-one says its ok, BUT.....

Isn't that a bit like, I'm not racist, BUT...I don't mean to be rude, BUT*

Nothing like that at all. Wearing a veil isn't a race. I can't disengage from the before and after. In isolation, no one should be shouting at any one in the street. No one has said otherwise.

But when you behave in an extreme manner you can't expect it not to attract attention.

OP hope you are ok, the woman is an idiot and not worth your time/effort. I wouldn't worry about answering her back, that type doesn't actually give a damn about why you wear it, they just want you to conform no matter what.

I am worried that so many people are justifying it with comments about being out of the norm leading to attention etc. You know how much that reeks of victim blaming right? This woman has yelled abuse at the OP with no provocation (and no, dressing differently is not provocation).

It's also the same shit I heard after watching friends get beaten up for being goths/punks. They apparently brought it on themselves, if only they'd have just conformed hey? Totally their fault, those poor attackers just couldn't help themselves after being confronted by something so different.

Fucks sake.

It is totally possible to disagree with what the veil stands for, and to hate that some women are forced to wear it, but to still be aware that some choose and that they should have that choice.

As for explaining to young children, why do they need to know anything more than "because they want to wear it"?

Oh I dunno-maybe the veil COULD be liberating :o Freedom not to have to worry about doing your hair, and able to pop to shops in your jammies.:o

On a serious note-She had no right to shout at you in the street and frighten your kids. But I do find forced wearing of veils oppressive for women and a bit insulting to men also.

I have no issue with people wearing veils if they CHOOSE to do so, but wonder why anyone would want to, unless they have to.

Wearing a veil is behaviing in an extreme manner? Only in the middle of a Bnp meeting.
Some of you lot are really offensive. Maybe stop reading the Daily Mail?

In terms of dress, yes, it's extreme.

Ilethim, the OP did not behave in an extreme manner.

Like the time I had blue hair. It's a rather extreme hair colour. I didn't for one second think people wouldn't notice or react.

you cannot compare a t-shirt with the c word or a swastika on it to the vale. That is so grossly offensive to muslim women I'm not sure there are words to express just how much.

and for those that say "it offends me," bullshit. You cannot be offended by something that isn't directed at you personally, and someone else wearing a vale has nothing to do with you. If the vale-wearing individual is personally offensive towards you then be offended by all means. But someone walking down the street with their face covered is an individual in their own right. They are not deliberately setting out to offend anyone. If your lack of communication skills are such that you feel unable to speak to someone wearing a vale then don't talk to them by all means. But that says a lot more about you than it does them.

It is far more offensive to try to oppress the rights of people going about their daily business in the name of "feminism" than it is to just harmlessly go about your daily business and to choose to cover your face.

This all smacks of racism IMO, after all it is generally only women of certain races who choose to dress this way. Perhaps people would prefer them to go back to their own countries eh.

Covering your face constantly in a society where most people don't, is extreme.

Extreme as in the actual meaning of the word. It's a word, not a political stance.

If you feel threatened by a stranger you should contact the police.

A veil doesn't define a race or even Muslim women given the large numbers that don't wear it.

It provokes a reaction.

Totally agree with wanna.

I can't see why it's at all difficult to explain to your children about veil-wearing. My DS1 was best friends all through primary school with a boy whose mother wore a full face covering (she just had mesh to look out through, couldn't see her eyes) and I don't remember it EVER being an issue. Obviously my son went round to their house and saw her then without her veil, and he didn't seem to have any trouble at all getting his head around the concept that that was just what she wore when she went out.

I can't help but feel that if this thread were based on the OP being abused on the street for being non-white or disabled the tone would be somewhat different.

The OP has not asked for your opinion on whether it's OK to live differently, within her own beliefs. She's asking is it acceptable to be abused because she doesn't conform to what is percieved as the 'norm'

What a sad place MN is becoming and what a huge disappointment it is.

drivin Suspect you are right. Grim reading isn't it?

thing is though, enough women wear it that we all know that it's a muslim thing.

Enough women wear it that there has been talk of banning it.

To suggest that it is rare is completely disingenuous - everyone knows what the vale stands for, people are not that dense.

IMO this has nothing to do with oppression of women and people's views about that and far more to do with fear of islam and extremism. Funny how the vale was never considered to be something to talk about before 9/11 and 7/7 and other incidents which have brought Islam to the fore.

"and for those that say "it offends me," bullshit. You cannot be offended by something that isn't directed at you personally, and someone else wearing a vale has nothing to do with you. If the vale-wearing individual is personally offensive towards you then be offended by all means. But someone walking down the street with their face covered is an individual in their own right. They are not deliberately setting out to offend anyone. If your lack of communication skills are such that you feel unable to speak to someone wearing a vale then don't talk to them by all means. But that says a lot more about you than it does them."

This absolutely.