Am I being unreasonable to confront this woman?

[justanuthermanicmumsday]

for those of you who don't know I wear a face veil usually a patterned scarf to avoid sticking out so much lol. point is I expect the odd comments maybe groans as I work past in my honour of course.

But two times now this senior lady I'd say in her 60s or more unprovoked loudly made comments at me. The first time she said" why are you wearing that" I was walking past with my twin buggy to supermarket, I thght she was incredibly rude. Had she said excuse me and proceeded to ask me a question in a normal tone I wouldn't have been miffed. Still I kept my cool said religious reasons as I walked away. I didn't want a conversation I don't see why I should explain when she was so rude.

yet today I see her again shouting across the road at me this time." No need to wear that take it off". Today I would say she looked aggressive or perhaps it was my eyes deceiving me. My toddler was with me she looked distressed said" mummy whys that lady shouting". I said "she's prob ill like your gran never mind her."

Should I confront her if this happens again? I'm not an aggressive person quite a walkover and not much confidence but I think it can't be ignored its like harassment.

I dread to think ill pass her again if I pop out she's always on the same route as me, yet why should I dread her.

Granted she doesn't like my dress neither does my brother, I'm not harming her in anyway. one sibling said I shouldn't confront her in case she goes to the police. But that's insane what reason would she have to go to the police i would simply tell her to get off my case. How would she like it if I told her to change her dress for something more acceptable to me. She's not the fashion police or the law.

Please remember this is not a conversation on whether you approve of my dress rather this woman's behaviour

[missorinoco]

Explain it further. Some people want to keep their faces and hair covered outside of the house to be seen only by their family, so their beauty is reserved for their family.

You can say that you don't fully understand why they do it, and that you don't feel that way or choose to do it.

[GhoulWithADragonTattoo]

Your DH is right that you shouldn't have said "for religious reasons" when she first asked you. There's no need for you to justify yourself to people who accost you in the street and criticise your dress. I would have said "to keep my ears warm" in your shoes.

If she approaches you again I would say "How dare you shout at me like and upset my children!" and then walk away.

[bigmouthstrikesagain]

This thread has turned away from the original dilemma - rather predictably.

I am sorry you are being intimidated justanuther - the woman shouting at you in the street is wrong to do so - regardless of her personal opinions - but I seriously doubt that her actions are out of a desire to liberate you from the patriarchal yoke

You should ignore her she is clearly trying to cause a scene, if she takes it further or incites others then she needs to be stopped and the police may be an option. I hope you can find a way to resolve this - good luck.

Various people on this thread are conflating an issue between two individuals - with their own justifications for their choices - with the wider issues of opression and femininism and that is not helpful.

I disagree with organised religion in general - but I don't go around abusing people who are dressing/ accessorising to communicate their religious affiliations. That would be insane/ rude/ pointless. I accept that I don't live in my version of an ideal world - tolerating difference is something I value in our society. We seem to be increasingly intolerant though - that disturbs me more than seeing a woman in a veil.

Of course the issue of the increasing opression of women in Islamic countries is a problem and I don't think women should be veiled - but I think basic human kindness and tolerance is the only civilised response to any women wearing a veil in this country not shouting or agression - there is no justification for that.

Of course we need to publicly and reasonably debate the issues that seeing a women entirely veiled for cultural reasons bring up - but this thread was not started for that purpose and I think hijacking it was rude - even while it was inevitable

[MaidOfStars]

OP, I would ignore her. I fear, in this case, that any type of confrontation would be deemed aggressive/hostile, thus confirming the woman's prejudices. You would be a better woman than I if you were willing to politely interact and promote understanding of your choice.

Whatever my personal feelings about a face veil, I don't understand why people have difficulty explaining it to children. It is a religious/cultural expression of modesty - some women don't want to show off their legs/boobs/face in public.

[KittensoftPuppydog]

Big mouth. Yes it is helpful. Ther personal is political.
Also, I think it is fairly normal practice to respond to the 'rude comment' post with the idea that maybe the op was rude too.

[yegodsandlittlefishes]

I agree that you should be able to wear your head and face covered and not be questioned about it on the street, certainly not accosted rudely like this. To confront the woman is not likely to get you anywhere, or make you feel any better.

How about simply asking her 'why?' the next time she asks you to take off your head scarf. Simply asking her 'why?' gets her in the spotlight and she will then need to come up with her reasons, and that might be enough for her to realise how offensive she is being.

[KatyTheCleaningLady]

I think ignoring her as much as possible is best because she's a crazy old bat and you can't fix that.

[Beeyump]

Yay! Ageism! Thanks Katy.

[PeppiNephrine]

You say thats what they believe and its their own business and none of yours.
Don't we have a policy around here of not blaming the actions of others on the clothes people wear? Is it ok for someone to feel you up if you wear a short skirt? no, so why is it ok to shout at women in the street for wearing a veil?
Its a free country, nobody cares what your opinion of it is.

[ILetHimKeep20Quid]

No one has said it is ok.

But when you distance yourself from social norms, you generate opinion.

[TakingThePea]

heart

"Because that's what they believe. It doesn't mean we believe the same thing or agree with them"

[oscarwilde]

You could

1. Ignore her - she is probably a bit batty and is definitely being v rude
   
2. Video her on your phone in plain sight and then tell her that it is your choice to veil your face and if she persists in harassing you, you will report her to the police
   
3. Veil your face with a Scottish flag/a more transparent veil
   
4. Remove your veil
   
5. Tell her "I like it, it keeps my face warm" and keep moving

[cjel]

OP, I would treat this lady as sad and uninformed, Talk to her as if she has dementia and be kind. Don't be aggressive 'its my right' but say I am sorry if it offends you, the only problem imo would be that she won't be able to see you are smiling and friendly, would you be happy to remove it for a mo so she couldn't miss your point?

[PeppiNephrine]

no-one says its ok, BUT.....

Isn't that a bit like, I'm not racist, BUT...I don't mean to be rude, BUT....

The UK is not Afghanistan, or Saudi Arabia. Do you crusaders realise how insulting and offensive you are to the many women who choose to cover their faces?

[Teapigging]

I will defend to my utmost your right to wear what you like, OP, and I'm sorry you've had unpleasant reactions from this woman.

However, just reading this thread, and looking at the ways people have suggested you respond - smiling at the woman to defuse any sense of aggression, or giving her a dirty look etc - makes me think about how restricted a covered woman's range of public self-expression is, whether its responding to aggressive approaches like this one or just engaging in the nodding, nonverbal, casual give-and-take we engage in every time we leave the house or deal with a shop assistant. I think it must tend toward social isolation outside the family, surely...?

[PeppiNephrine]

How is a t-shirt that says Cunt anything at all like a veil, and why are you analogising muslims with nazis? Could you be any more offensive?

[KittensoftPuppydog]

Don't be silly. Not a crusader or even Christian.
If I went to a Muslim country and wore a mini and boob tube, and someone shouted at me, who would be the rude one?

[DioneTheDiabolist]

Ilethim, I am the antithesis of cool, but thank you, you have made my day.

Personally I am quite conservative, I think. I dress conservatively, go to mass and knit. However I rejoice in human diversity. It makes me happy to see people who are not like me.

Communication is my job. And barriers to communication (except where there is a disability) are psychological, not physical. I have no problem communicating with my Spiderman friend. I have an alcoholic friend and when he is drinking, we cannot communicate, despite being able to see his face. If you feel that the veil is a barrier to communication then it will be. But it's your feelings and not a piece if cloth that is the barrier.

However you are entitled to your feelings on this issue. Own them and stop making it the fault of the different person. I am going off to have a wee dance at sort of being called cool.

[KittensoftPuppydog]

I think, really it's all a bit of a pose. They'll get sick of it in the end, or their children certainly will.