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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

wedding present

108 replies

mirry2 · 14/09/2013 12:52

We went to a wedding 2 months ago. A month previous to this we bought a very generous present for the happy couple from their online wedding gift list at a well known department store. So far we haven't had a verbal or written thank you. Is this normal?

OP posts:

phantomnamechanger · 14/09/2013 12:57

Oh god, sadly , yes it is normal thesedays. It pisses me right off mind you - manners, manners, manners!

Out of 8 weddings we have been to in the 17 yrs we have been married, we did not receive any thank yous for our gifts from the last 4 weddings. Likewise christening/new baby gifts.

I get my kids to send thank you letters. This is very rare among their peers.

pianodoodle · 14/09/2013 13:01

I sent all our thank you letters a week or two after the wedding but then we didn't go on a honeymoon so that's maybe earlier than norm.

MrsBW · 14/09/2013 13:05

Sent ours 3 days after getting back from honeymoon.

SixFeetUnder · 14/09/2013 13:07

I received a thank you for a wedding gift last week. The wedding was in March! I actually think that according to etiquette you have up to a year after the wedding (I could be wrong) to send your thanks.

Original poster

mirry2 · 14/09/2013 13:16

Sixfeetunder - really? I've never hear of that.

OP posts:

mummytime · 14/09/2013 13:16

As you didn't deliver it yourself I would just enquire as to whether they received it?
But yes some people aren't very good about the Thank Yous.

nickelbabe · 14/09/2013 13:19

It does take time to write thank you letters.

It took us forever to write ours.

Although, if you're worried, you could contact the store to make sure it was included in their delivery.

nickelbabe · 14/09/2013 13:21

debretts says "before weeks slip into months"

megsmouse · 14/09/2013 13:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

meditrina · 14/09/2013 13:38

It is very common.

Ideally, all thanks should be sent imnediately a present is received (and in an ideal world that would mean everyting completed before the wedding).

Any gifts brought on the day do present a different problem, especially if you depart immediately on honeymoon, and in those circumstances it would need to e immediately on return.

Guests letters of thanks to official hosts should be written the day after the event.

Original poster

mirry2 · 14/09/2013 13:43

Nikelbabe I'm not worried I just think it's rude. I wouldn't mind just a text or a friendly "Hi. Got your present. Thanks, it's lovely." would do. (They are relatives and we've met socially now and again)
However I didn't get a thank you for months when I sent an engagement present either so maybe people don't bother any more?
I know its the thought that counts but I did lay out several hundred pounds for the wedding present alone.

OP posts:

ivykaty44 · 14/09/2013 13:44

It took us forever to write ours

try typing the letters and printing them out - that is by far better than nothing at all of the money you spent on the present.

Op did you write a thank you for the wedding?

Original poster

mirry2 · 14/09/2013 13:45

As a guest I sent a thank you letter to the mother of the bride the following week. I suppose I'd better move into the 21st century

OP posts:

eurochick · 14/09/2013 13:46

We used personalised thank you cards (with a photo from the wedding) so that took a little while to organise. I think we got them out within 6 weeks of the wedding though.

ImperialBlether · 14/09/2013 13:51

You spent several hundred pounds on a wedding present and they haven't thanked you? That is disgraceful!

Bearleigh · 14/09/2013 13:53

You are NBU: I got a thank you note from a bride before the wedding (it's never the groom who writes is it?). I was very impressed by that, and told her father so. (Couldn't get to the wedding)

OTOH waiting two months for a thank you just because the notes had a photo of the happy couple on their wedding day was not on. Far better to have just written on plain paper.

Leopoldina · 14/09/2013 13:55

I bought my boss a v nice present from his list (went to the evening part of his wedding) and never got so much as a comment let alone a note. I was v shocked that most of my colleagues who went didn't buy something but now I think they were damn right.

Original poster

mirry2 · 14/09/2013 13:58

The bride knows my number. It would have cost her nothing (and have been much less of a burden for her) just to text me when she received it.
What's really annoyed me (and why I've suddenly remembered that she hasn't thanked me or others I know) is that she's posted a rude comment on facebook about one or two off list presents they received

OP posts:

ivykaty44 · 14/09/2013 14:00

I can remember giving a a bride and groom the villa for there honey moon - it was around £300 and whilst not expensive not cheap s a present, we got nothing not a verbal thank you or a note.

i was at another couple of friends houses and they had had thank yous for their wedding present to the same couple.

i was then hurt as it seemed we had been missed out rather than everyone treated the same.

nickelbabe · 14/09/2013 14:04

I do think YANBU though.

Two months is a long time to wait for a thank you.

Ragwort · 14/09/2013 14:09

Seriously, why does it take 'forever' to write a thank you letter - it's usually because people can't be bothered. I never forgot the mumsnetter who was trying to justify why she took so long, she said something like 'our honeymoon was three weeks and then we needed a couple of weeks to relax when we got home' .

Most people seem to be able to find time to use Facebook or mumsnet so why not use the same time to write the thank you letters.

The worst thank you letter was one I received which was clearly written by the bride's mother (pretending it was from the bride ).

ivykaty44 · 14/09/2013 14:09

they are slow writers?

holidaysarenice · 14/09/2013 14:11

My cousin didn't receive the presents ordered online until 6 weeks after the wedding.

They only deliver them all at once if it was a list.

Bue · 14/09/2013 14:15

It doesn't take forever to write thank yous, it's just excuses and laziness. I did wait until we got our photos back (about 4 weeks) so I could print out photos of our guests at the wedding to send with them, but the writing took only a few evenings, and this was a 120 person wedding. It's hardly scaling Everest.

muppetthecow · 14/09/2013 14:19

I wrote a thank you card for each guest when I wrote their invitation (I did hand made invitations and used the same bits) leaving a blank space to write in what they'd got us or just to say thank you for sharing our day. That way I knew I wouldn't forget anyone! I'm notoriously bad at missing someone when I write thank you letters after Christmas and was determined not to with our wedding. I was so worried about it - I don't know how people can just not bother

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