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AIBU?

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Original poster

wedding present

108 replies

mirry2 · 14/09/2013 12:52

We went to a wedding 2 months ago. A month previous to this we bought a very generous present for the happy couple from their online wedding gift list at a well known department store. So far we haven't had a verbal or written thank you. Is this normal?

OP posts:
Flossie82 · 14/09/2013 14:20

Probably not the sittuation here, but we went on honeymoon straight after our wedding for 2 weeks. All gifts were at my parents, in the town we had our wedding - we probably opened the presents about 2 months after our wedding, when my mum visited us and brought them (we live about 200 miles away).

We then had a lot of thank you cards to write, which does take a while if writing personalised notes in them all (but far preferable to receive, I think, than a quick "thank you for the gift" that doesn't even acknowledge what the gift was)

So our letters probably went out approx 3 months after our wedding

Pigsmummy · 14/09/2013 14:22

It took a couple of months to do about 180 thank you cards, we bought the cards with the invites, in the same design.

pianodoodle · 14/09/2013 14:23

What's really annoyed me (and why I've suddenly remembered that she hasn't thanked me or others I know) is that she's posted a rude comment on facebook about one or two off list presents they received

Ugh :(

With manners like that sounds like you could be waiting a while for your thank you!

Bue · 14/09/2013 14:23

I don't think there's anything wrong with 3 months Flossie. It actually seems pretty standard, and a personalised message is lovely and shows the couple have actually thought about the note. I draw an absolute line at 6 months!

Original poster
mirry2 · 14/09/2013 14:28

I'm glad most people agree with me. I was a bit worried about posting on aibu in case I was being too old fashioned.

It would be nice to receive a thank you before our family gettogether at Christmas otherwise I'll be tempted not to buy them a Christmas present.

OP posts:
nickelbabe · 14/09/2013 14:33

it is excuses.

I was wary of our thank yous looking like they were churned off on a conveyor belt.
I wanted each one to be heartfelt and personally written to the giver. That meant that I felt wrong writing more than one a day.

CanadianJohn · 14/09/2013 14:34

A couple of years ago, a wealthy friend had a very large wedding, about 300 guests, and left immediately afterwards on honeymoon. A couple of months later, I popped by to return a tool I had borrowed, and mentioned (semi-joking) that I hadn't received a thank you card. (I had given a gift-card).

He took me into the house; in their back room they had dozens of gifts, still unopened! I couldn't believe it, there were gifts piled high, nicely wrapped boxes with ribbons and bows.

I suppose if you have 300 guests, presumably 150 couples, you are going to get 150 gifts, and it takes a while to open them all. But I would not be at all impressed if I had taken the trouble of selecting a gift, and wrapping it, only to discover that it hadn't even been opened a couple of months later.

Some people have too much money. I never did receive a thank you card.

AidanTheRevengeNinja · 14/09/2013 14:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

3boys3dogshelp · 14/09/2013 14:42

We made a massive effort to travel to Europe with 2 small children For a family wedding - it was a huge expense for us too. Our children made a personal gift for the b & g as we had no money left for anything expensive (they had said no pressies) and were pageboys. We spent 2 of our days there helping to set up and clear away for the reception as they were on a budget and didn't want to pay a hotel to do it. We babysat their children the night of the wedding. Last month (almost 12 months after the wedding) we got a quickly scribbled thank you from the b&g in the post. The next day we got an invite to their one year celebrations!! We declined on the basis it was 4 hours away/ we were still paying for their bloody wedding/they were bloody rude so why would we bother!!

theladylovescupcakes · 14/09/2013 14:50

We were also at a wedding 10 weeks ago. Bride and groom (although I suspect it was really the bride's idea) asked for money as a wedding gift (with a rhyme, that didn't rhyme). No thank you note yet. Although bride did post a thank you on Facebook the other week. Bad manners, all round. (Can you hear the gnashing of teeth...!?)

Lilacroses · 14/09/2013 14:53

Muppet...that is such a good idea! Must remember that!Mirry, I agree with you and yadnbu. I'm heartened by the responses you received as I remember a similar post where an aunt was fed up because she never received an acknowledgement for any gifts she sent her nephews/neices. The consensus seemed to be that shewas bu to expect any kind of thanks and that the joyshould be in the giving of the gift!!!

Excuse my weird word joining thing my phone has a mind of its own!

Idespair · 14/09/2013 14:58

Several hundred pounds Shock
I'd expect them to have thanked you very quickly for this.

mysterymeg · 14/09/2013 15:01

Mine went out six weeks after the weddingBlush I hadn't thought that was too bad when we'd had a two week honeymoon and I'd written 100 thank yous individually. I didn't want to just say thank you for the gift so did a mini letter in each card. It took my a couple of weeks doing a few a night but wanted to send them all at once to avoid people hearing someone else had got theirs first.

But posting rude comments about gifts on fb is appalling behaviour!!! So yanbu on that basis.

Original poster
mirry2 · 14/09/2013 15:07

Idespair - as we are family I bought them one of the most expensive presents on their gift list (actually the second most expensive). It was something they could use for ever and I fondly imagined them saying to each other in years to come 'oh this is what mirry2 gave use for our wedding.' Because that's what we say about some of our more precious gifts. Oh well.

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SuperConfused · 14/09/2013 17:54

Was at four weddings last year, thank you'd from all four arrived between two and three months after and three f them were personalised with wedding photos which I actually really love, I still have one of them up.

I think that's becoming increasingly common, and given that two people I work with only got their official photographs a month after I can see how the timescales slip. I agree no card is rude - and the fb post is beyond rude - but I would give people a bit more time before writing them off.

mrsharrystyles · 14/09/2013 18:00

Some years ago my BIL got married in the September. We bought them something quite expensive off the list. By Xmas we had not heard from them. When we saw them on Boxing Day we asked if they had received our present. He replied that he had, but they had decided not to bother with thank you letters. I was speechless.

ohforfoxsake · 14/09/2013 18:08

I had special cards printed in the style of the wedding invites, with a photo of the day, and wrote a personal thank you on each one, over a hundred guests so about fifty sent.

So I thought.

I was having a clear out last week and found them, all enveloped and addressed. Angry Am fuming, we got married over three years ago.

Mia4 · 14/09/2013 18:51

She sounds a charmer, bitching about that on facebook-nice person.

But if she's just started bitching now, maybe she's just got around to receiving or opening the gifts? Wouldn't she have bitched just after opening rather then months later? Suggests to me that she's just got them or opened them.

And possibly she's got some personalised ones which can take up to a month to sort and receive from places like vistaprint. And that's only once you've got the wedding photos from the photographer.

But that's only if the couple are going whole hog-then it can take up to 6 months. I know I've received thank you's close to nine months after.

Bride still sounds like a shit though, posting rats like that. Very entitled.

Original poster
mirry2 · 14/09/2013 18:52

offorfoxsake - at least you tried!

OP posts:
Original poster
mirry2 · 14/09/2013 18:57

mia4 perhaps you're right although I did see a photo of her surrounded by all the presents some time ago. there's no point me going on about it on this thread - I'll just keep a look out for the post Wink

OP posts:
Thumbwitch · 15/09/2013 01:26

I thought wedding presents was probably the last bastion of good manners in requiring a thank you note! Obviously that bastion has fallen in some cases as well.

I was late sending ours out, I will be honest - it took nearly 3 months. But I did send everyone an email apologising and explaining that Mum had died 2 weeks after our wedding and we had to deal with that, the funeral, and me being pregnant as well. Poor excuses really - but the email was sent out within the month and then the proper thank you notes within 3, as I said.

Mia4 · 15/09/2013 11:02

mirry2 let us know when/if you hear from her. She does sound very entitled and some people do judge and get annoyed if they don't feel they've 'recouped' enough from the guests.

defineme · 15/09/2013 11:12

I think you've learnt a lesson then: don't give very expensive gifts to people you rarely see/ already know have form for being thoughtless/ungrateful.
If you have that budget available, I would save it for dear close friend/relatives who you see frequently and truly love.

BrokenSunglasses · 15/09/2013 11:14

At two months, I'd think they were pushing it, but there is still just about enough time for one to arrive without it being too rude.

If a thank you doesn't arrive at all though, they are rude, and I don't think it's normal.

Ours were all sent out within about six weeks, but they were all personal and handwritten, so it did take a while considering we had more than a hundred people to thank.

georgedawes · 15/09/2013 11:19

They sound really rude. Slagging off presents from others on facebook is horrible. Wouldn't get them an xmas present if I were you.