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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend - Rent - She wants me out!

128 replies

PuffandStuff · 13/09/2013 13:24

My friend was given an HA flat a few years ago - she has since moved in with her husband to a beautiful (mortgaged) home and I have been renting her flat. I recently lost my job but because its a HA flat I can't claim HB - She begged me to move in against my better judgement as she wanted someone she could trust in it (told her she needs to give it back but she says it her flat!)

I have been working self employed and have some money coming in soon but at the moment I'm in arrears with my rent - which when it comes through I can settle up with her and find another flat - she is fuming and wants me out - I am penniless at the moment and have nowhere to go - if she could wait 2 more weeks I can pay her all that I owe her - she won't wait - I'm one month in arrears at the moment.

I'm refusing to budge - she has threatened to come and throw all my stuff out! We have been friends for 20 years and I can't understand why she is being like this - AIBU?

OP posts:
Original poster
PuffandStuff · 13/09/2013 21:32

Thank you over.

OP posts:
thing1andthing2 · 13/09/2013 21:34

Hope you manage to get back on your feet soon. So sorry to hear about your husband. Thanks

jessieagain · 13/09/2013 21:40

Your friend sounds like a bitch now, considering your situation.

I hope things work out for you and your dh is safe.

Move back to your mum's so you don't need to deal with the stress. I would be tempted to phone the ha (in a few months so your friend doesn't suspect you have) and reporting the sublet. She is doing at least 3 things wrong. 1) depriving others on wait lists a home 2) profiteering from renting a home out that isn't hers 3) not paying tax on these profits

Original poster
PuffandStuff · 13/09/2013 21:44

Thank you both - don't make me cry .....I've caused all this bad feeling and upset my friend and my girls are trying their best to be brave - think we'll be better off with my mum - need a hug!

OP posts:
JakeBullet · 14/09/2013 07:43

Sorry for my crappy post yesterday puff, your situation sounds awful. I really hope things start to pick up for you soon.

Hope your DH is soon found and at home. xx

BeckAndCall · 14/09/2013 08:49

I'm sorry you've had such a rough time on this thread, puff - from me included. Posters only go on the details you give us and had we known there were children involved we'd have given different advice, I'm sure.

The legality of your sublet doesn't change but mumsnetters would have been able to offer constructive advice on what help you DO qualify for and how to get it. Someone will know, for instance, on what the local authority's obligations towards you are - you may be top of the list for immediate rehoming, for instance. And you may well be entitled to benefits which you have missed.

If any of those are of interest to you, I suggest you draw a line under this thread and start afresh with this detail about your children and the situation with your DH.

If your DH is a UK citizen, for instance, what help are you getting from the FCO or the consulate? There are channels available to you and I hope you are using them.

tattychicken · 14/09/2013 09:09

That's a completely different picture Puff. You could well be entitled to some emergency assistance. Speak to your local authority Homelessness Team, stress that the sublet was only an emergency measure, that you are now back at your Mums which is obviously only very temporary. You may have to be persistent, don't get fobbed off, seek advice and support from Shelter if you don't get help from the LA. Shelter can fight your corner for you, they're great. Good luck and I really hope your husband is found soon.

Tabby1963 · 14/09/2013 10:45

I am so, so sorry to hear about your situation, Puff. You must be out of your mind with worry right now. I hope you can get help to be rehoused soon.

WhereDoAllTheCalculatorsGo · 14/09/2013 11:09

There is an awful lot of really bad advice and frankly totally wrong information on this thread being passed on as 'fact' by posters.
Housing Law is very strict, it doesn't matter what you think the Housing Association should do, or if you think that sub-letting is allowed.

Please get proper accurate information from Shelter regarding this situation OP.

LIZS · 14/09/2013 11:14

Are you and your dc UK nationals and/or are you eligible to work in UK ? While I'm sorry for your plight (and presumably there is a whole back story) realistically you may not be in position where the LA are able to help. Return to your mum's and then tell HA the property is empty.

34DD · 14/09/2013 12:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

burberryqueen · 14/09/2013 12:19

I think you should stay where you are and make an appointment with CAB or Shelter, oh and change the locks.

BeCool · 15/09/2013 09:43

Wow puff YOU are waiting for the sale of YOUR house!!!

You do know social housing is for people who are for do many reasons, excluded from owning property.

Taking the piss out of our overburdened social housing system is one thing. Two home owners doing it is another.

And you feel so overly entitled you post for help here. Good Lordy. Shock

Awomansworth · 15/09/2013 10:06

BeCool Have you actually read the OP update...

FFS... what sort of person kicks someone when they are already on the floor.

burberryqueen · 15/09/2013 10:46

becool, that is not "cool" at all leave the woman alone

Cravey · 15/09/2013 11:32

Call the ha and explain the situation, you may find they are kind enough to help you out with somewhere to live. Don't talk to your friend until you have spoken to the ha. Maybe also think twice if you fond yourself in this situation again. You are abetting her. Well in the eyes of the law anyway. It's fraud. It's a huge crime. Not just for her though so be careful what you say to the ha.

skyeskyeskye · 15/09/2013 12:34

I have read the full thread and advice now is different to what I was going to put because of the additional info you have given about having to leave Egypt. If you had stated that st the beginning, it would have gained you different advice to what you received.

Please go and see shelter, CAB, SS, your MP, anybody who can help. If you have had to flee another country, presumably losing all your possessions as well as your home, then you need proper advice. I would have thought that you would qualify for some housing if you have four DC.

Regarding your H, you must be worried sick and is anything being done to help locate him? Are the embassy involved?

WhereDoAllTheCalculatorsGo · 15/09/2013 12:34

No, Cravey, the housing association will not 'be kind enough to help them out with somewhere to live' it doesn't work like that. OP needs proper advice from Shelter, preferably as the CAB are worse than useless in my experience.

differentnameforthis · 15/09/2013 12:53

You are already 4 weeks behind in rent. You want her to let you go 2 more. You are taking advantage of her good nature, because if you were renting from anyone (inc council) you would not be allowed to get 6 weeks in arrears with no come back.

I think you would be wrong to shop her, as some have said you should, because I bet she isn't (or wasn't) charging you the going rate, I expect that you didn't pay a deposit either.

Just because she is a fried it doesn't mean that you can expect huge favours. Ok, so she shouldn't be renting it out, but it is unfair to drop her in it because (oh, how unreasonable) she wants you to pay the rent you agreed to pay!

QuintessentialShadows · 15/09/2013 12:58

Poor you. It must be hard selling a house in Egypt in the current circumstances. How are you getting on with that?

I agree you need to seem somebody about help. Not least there must be some diplomatic channels to see about finding out about your husband. Can you do so through his place of work?

LunaticFringe · 15/09/2013 13:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

differentnameforthis · 15/09/2013 13:12

Why are people on becool's back? the ops update doesn't negate what she is doing.

Yes, I agree that she has been through a shit time, but that doesn't mean she can break the law & take away a home from someone who has been waiting years for it. A lot of people on the housing register aren't there for fun reasons either, and many have escape bad situations themselves.

Bad situations don't give us the right to lose our moral compass & jump queues when we see fit.

WhereDoAllTheCalculatorsGo · 15/09/2013 13:16

Spot on, different there is a queue of people waiting for properties, there is no way for us to know if Puff is going to be even eligible for social housing. I suspect she might fail the habitual residence test.

differentnameforthis · 15/09/2013 13:16

it suddenly seems very fair that you get a break!

More fair than those who are currently on it, who have probably been on it for years, who are also living on floors, in properties with less than adequate facilities.

The housing situation isn't ideal, but to let people jump queues is unfair, regardless of their hardship. It can take years to get to the top of a list, why should op walk into a home when someone had been waiting several years on a list?

BinarySolo · 15/09/2013 13:31

And the op had somewhere to stay, albeit a floor at her mother's house. I'm always slightly suspicious of threads that have massive drip feeds like this after the op has been told they are being unreasonable.

How long have you been back in the uk op? How long were you working here before you lost your job? If you're self employed are you registered with hrmc?