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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

was i right to tell my ds not to apologise to this woman??

578 replies

mummyjs · 09/09/2013 21:22

my ds (4) and i were in the chemist waiting for a prescription.
my ds was stood by the door pressing the button to open it for people to come in and out and smiling at them and chatting away, people were saying than you and he was smiling and saying your welcome ect.
Anyway this older lady came in and he opened the door for him and she gave him a horrible look and barged past him. He said to her 'its nice to say thank you', which is something i drill into him so i suppose its my fault in a way. anyway she shouted at him 'how dare you speak to a adult that way' and then told me that i should control him and make him say sorry to her.
I have to admit my back was put up by the nasty tone in her voice and told her that i would not tell him to apologise, he was right, its rude not to say thank you and that a woman of her age should not need a lesson in manners from a 4 year old.
anyway she barged back out saying something along the lines of parents who dont control their kids ect.
was i being unreasonable? if he had of said anything rude to her then of course i would have made him say sorry, but i honestly dont think he was the rude one in this??

OP posts:
pigletmania · 09/09/2013 22:50

So you all are perfect parents who do not fall short than!

Salmotrutta · 09/09/2013 22:50

Oh I know Birds but its the ageist spouting of "This old woman/man was horrible, the bitter and twisted old git" type of comment that really winds me up!

Horrible ageism, I agree!

We are all going to be old one day.

SaucyJack · 09/09/2013 22:52

But he wasn't doing it to be nice Lila. Four years olds are not that altruistic.

He was doing it for the attention, which the woman was weeeeellllll within her rights not to give him.

Nobody is under any legal or moral duty to find other people's kids endearing.

ExcuseTypos · 09/09/2013 22:52

Op I'm confused.

You said the lady clearly saw that your son had pressed the button to open the door but I think you are mistaken.
The lady was entring the shop, how could she have seen your son pushing the button when he was on the other side of a closed door?

I think she walked into a shop and heard a young boy telling her she ought to say thank you. She was probably wondering what the heck he was on about.

DoJo · 09/09/2013 22:53

Lilacroses But you don't know someone is going to do that until after you have done the nice thing - you shouldn't stop being nice just because the odd person doesn't appreciate it.

hotncold · 09/09/2013 22:53

"hotncold, OP has already said that the woman in the chemist showed her son the button and was fine with it."

I read that bit.

Actually, I read the bit where she said she'd showed him the magic button and that he was her little helper. I missed the bit that said she was fine with him operating the door every time a customer wanted to enter.

I DID read the bit where the OP 'did not see the big deal' with him doing this.

pigletmania · 09/09/2013 22:53

Op having a guess at her age, 50 not elderly at all

Floggingmolly · 09/09/2013 22:55

You told him on a previous trip not to play with the button?????

ghostspirit · 09/09/2013 22:56

i thought 50 was old when i was about 17. i don't anymore Grin

jessieagain · 09/09/2013 22:56

You told her that i would not tell him to apologise, he was right, its rude not to say thank you and that a woman of her age should not need a lesson in manners from a 4 year old

That is much ruder than what your son and the lady said/did.

Birdsgottafly · 09/09/2013 22:56

She wasn't rude, she walked through the door that he was playing with and didn't aknowledge him.

He then confronted her, that is what he is wrong for, as there could be many reasons as to why she just wants to be left alone.

Lilacroses · 09/09/2013 22:56

How on earth do you know that Saucy? I work with young children and many of them are very kind indeed! In any case whether he was or wasn't you really think he deserved to be spoken to like that after saying "it's nice to say thank you"? It was a horrible way to respond to a small child.

Original poster
mummyjs · 09/09/2013 22:57

i will say again... i could clearly see him, so yes i was watching him.
there was no sign to ask not to do this, he was encourage to do this by the shop owner and even says how he is her special little helper so did not see it as a issue, how terribly wrong of me.

of course he would never be allowed to climb over window displays ect.

and by the older lady comment it was simply meant as someone older than me, nothing else. it doesnt matter if the woman was 20 or 70

and yes if it had been a man my reaction would have in that moment would have been the same.

he was told yes it is rude to point out peoples lack of manners which it is, but it is rude not to say please or thank you also

OP posts:
gordyslovesheep · 09/09/2013 22:57

Jesus I am 7 years off being an 'old git' !

He was a bit rude, she was rude - personally I wouldn't let my kids play with the door (we have the same at the GP's and I wont let them touch it) I wold also make allowances for people who may be ill and in pain

In the chemists my kids sit down and behave and don't make noise and mess around specifically because people around them may be unable to bare it - same rule applies at the Dr's

needaholidaynow · 09/09/2013 22:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

curlew · 09/09/2013 22:59

Any thread on mumsnetnthat mentions age always ends up in a "what a bitter twisted old cow" fest.

It's ridiculous.depressing and sad.

HeySoulSister · 09/09/2013 23:00

Well op, you caused this

Why did you let him play with the button when you said on previous visits he wasn't allowed?

curlew · 09/09/2013 23:01

"and by the older lady comment it was simply meant as someone older than me, nothing else. it doesnt matter if the woman was 20 or 70"

So why did you mention her qge?

Original poster
mummyjs · 09/09/2013 23:01

is a floor to ceiling glass sliding door btw

OP posts:
needaholidaynow · 09/09/2013 23:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
mummyjs · 09/09/2013 23:04

because i told him not to play with the door as i didnt want it to piss the store owner off or for him to annoy anyone, but as i have already said that the owner was happy and said how he was her little helper, as there was no danger on him getting hurt or causing a accident i didnt see the issue

OP posts:
geekgal · 09/09/2013 23:10

I think after reading this I'll have to go with YABU because I don't think she was being rude in not saying thank you, your son was rude to ask her to do so. I say that because she clearly didn't need or want him to open the door for her, in fact it sounds like it was irritating her, so why should she thank someone for that? If someone did something that irritated me I wouldn't thank them either.

Toocold · 09/09/2013 23:11

Your son rocks, just because he is four, why should he not get to tell her off. He was right, she was wrong. Being an adult shouldn't mean you get instant respect, in my mind it is a two way thing. She was in the wrong.

pigletmania · 09/09/2013 23:12

Geekal must be te lady in question

ilovesooty · 09/09/2013 23:14

Any thread on mumsnetnthat mentions age always ends up in a "what a bitter twisted old cow" fest

Yes, and MNHQ specifically intervene and give warnings regarding just about every other form of discrimination.

OP, you didn't mention the stuff about him being "her little helper" initially. However, just because she thinks he's cute I don't see why everyone else has to react the same way. I'm beginning to think you were way ruder than anyone else here. She might not even have realised he was opening the door and of course she will have been unaware of his "little helper" status. He can't at 4 be expected to know how to behave and how to address people if you're not teaching him but are just validating his comments.

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