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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

was i right to tell my ds not to apologise to this woman??

578 replies

mummyjs · 09/09/2013 21:22

my ds (4) and i were in the chemist waiting for a prescription.
my ds was stood by the door pressing the button to open it for people to come in and out and smiling at them and chatting away, people were saying than you and he was smiling and saying your welcome ect.
Anyway this older lady came in and he opened the door for him and she gave him a horrible look and barged past him. He said to her 'its nice to say thank you', which is something i drill into him so i suppose its my fault in a way. anyway she shouted at him 'how dare you speak to a adult that way' and then told me that i should control him and make him say sorry to her.
I have to admit my back was put up by the nasty tone in her voice and told her that i would not tell him to apologise, he was right, its rude not to say thank you and that a woman of her age should not need a lesson in manners from a 4 year old.
anyway she barged back out saying something along the lines of parents who dont control their kids ect.
was i being unreasonable? if he had of said anything rude to her then of course i would have made him say sorry, but i honestly dont think he was the rude one in this??

OP posts:
PresidentServalan · 10/09/2013 23:23

SpecialAgent Me too - but mainly because she was in Sirens with the delectable Sam Neill! Grin

CarolineKnappShappey · 10/09/2013 23:26

Yabvvvvu

Sorry I would have been intensely irritated by your son.
I doubt I would have found him cute, and I would have been very annoyed by his response.

Therealamandaclarke · 10/09/2013 23:27

Some people are joyless and uptight.
I guess he's learned that.
As have I from reading some of the comments on this thread.

LimitedEditionLady · 10/09/2013 23:28

She couldve still quietly got on with her day,and if she smiled and wasnt so grumpy she mightve enjoyed it too.

PresidentServalan · 10/09/2013 23:30

Yes because having to interact with an outspoken 4 yo is guaranteed to cheer a person up Hmm

Lweji · 10/09/2013 23:33

YWBU, OP, for not telling your DS not to tell adults when they are impolite, because some adults just don't like to say thank you or being called on for impolite behaviour.

Or apologise yourself to the woman, and tell her that you teach him manners at home, so he was just copying his parents. Shame she didn't have parents who taught her basic manners too.

HangingGardenofBabbysBum · 10/09/2013 23:44

Calling a kid you dont know is pretty rank to be honest.

As is 'calling' a lady who didn't ask him to open the door for her in the first place.

His mum's reaction sounds gobby and ill-bred too, so it's hardly surprising he felt entitled to speak like that.

Threads like this make me feel positively Victorian. Hiding it now.

needaholidaynow · 10/09/2013 23:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

kali110 · 11/09/2013 02:34

Yes the lady was rude but so was the child even if he didnt mean to be.

FixItUpChappie · 11/09/2013 02:47

YANBU OP....some people on this thread have power and control issues. he was being an honest 4 year old and she was being a cow.

Therealamandaclarke · 11/09/2013 06:16

"threads like this make me feel positively Victorian. Hiding it now"
Good. Anything that reduces the offensive bullshit gets my vote.

sashh · 11/09/2013 06:43

I think I'm in love with your 4 year old.

I had a door opened for me a couple of weeks age by a small child and made sure I said thank you to him and told his mum how nice it was.

CarolineKnappShappey · 11/09/2013 07:16

The fact that. You said the woman "bawled" st your son,sled me suspect you are overstating her rudeness and understating your child's.

exoticfruits · 11/09/2013 07:19

It sounds like a mountain out of a molehill. I always thank children for holding doors open and think it rude when adults barge through.
I think that you have to bring up your children to understand that some adults will be rude or unappreciative. In this case I would have just said to the woman, with a smile,' sorry he is just a bit over enthusiastic' and moved on.

Hellonewworld · 11/09/2013 07:23

Hanging did you really just call a 4 year old a mouthy twerp? That is utterly disgusting ConfusedShock.

candycoatedwaterdrops · 11/09/2013 07:53

Are people being deliberately obtuse? The woman may not have seen him pressing the button!

Sirzy · 11/09/2013 07:59

Yes but candy how could the call the Woman a whole host of names if they accept that!

Therealamandaclarke · 11/09/2013 08:03

That hardly makes it reasonable for her to shout at the child and berrate the mother, demanding an apology candycoated
That'snot being obtuse. Unless the definition has suddenly changed to
" thinking it's ok to have a go at little kids because they don't yet realise it'snot quite the done thing to correct the manners of strangers" Confused
It was a nothing situation and the op IMHO was correct in not forcing an apology.

Sirzy · 11/09/2013 08:05

The mother should have stepped in and told him it was wrong before anyone else had a chance to.

Yes the lady overreacted (although like others have said I am guessing the OP is exagerating slightly!) but the mother should have stopped it happening in the first place.

Therealamandaclarke · 11/09/2013 08:05

Orry, not thinking....

Sallystyle · 11/09/2013 08:11

Mouthy Twerp??

Poor OP. Yeah, she really deserved to have her kid called that didn't she? Angry

QualityScout · 11/09/2013 08:16

Haven't read all the threads but feel that the fact it was a pharmacy is relevant. You've no idea if she's usually like this (cos it was rude) or whether she'd just had some tough upsetting news at the Dr. In which case a bright chirpy 4 year old is the last thing you want. Theoretically we should all be nice all the time. But it's a good time to start teaching your DS about empathy and not just taking things at face value.

ll31 · 11/09/2013 08:27

Yabu for letting your son mess with the door in the shop which is v annoying. if you'd been parenting him properly it wouldn't have happened. You should consider that the world does not revolv e around ur ds...however wonderful he is in your eyes

Therealamandaclarke · 11/09/2013 08:43

He only real rudeness I've seen regarding this situation is on this thread.
Unkind and unjust comments both towards the woman and the boy.
Clearly lots of ppl need a manners check.

unlucky83 · 11/09/2013 09:22

It was just a misunderstanding...
I won't let my DCs play with door buttons ....in this case the shop owner had told your son he could.
'Older lady' didn't know shop owner had given permission (no reason she should) and - like I -think DCs shouldn't play with the door buttons.
Therefore she may have judged you for your letting child do this and would not thank the 4 yo for doing something she considered naughty...
Four year old said something which was inappropriate ...she was really shocked and reacted in perhaps not the best way...
When children say something to make you wince (and mine have) the correct reaction is tell them to shush, that isn't the way to speak to people -
I get the feeling you thought it was cute and didn't react straight away - and were upset that the lady didn't see it that way...and there are all kinds of reasons she wouldn't...but then she over reacted too.
So YABU in the way that you reacted ...you do need to explain to your DC that it isn't appropriate to speak to strangers like that ...but then some of it would be due to shock - a good natured situation turning into hostility...

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