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AIBU?

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Original poster

was i right to tell my ds not to apologise to this woman??

578 replies

mummyjs · 09/09/2013 21:22

my ds (4) and i were in the chemist waiting for a prescription.
my ds was stood by the door pressing the button to open it for people to come in and out and smiling at them and chatting away, people were saying than you and he was smiling and saying your welcome ect.
Anyway this older lady came in and he opened the door for him and she gave him a horrible look and barged past him. He said to her 'its nice to say thank you', which is something i drill into him so i suppose its my fault in a way. anyway she shouted at him 'how dare you speak to a adult that way' and then told me that i should control him and make him say sorry to her.
I have to admit my back was put up by the nasty tone in her voice and told her that i would not tell him to apologise, he was right, its rude not to say thank you and that a woman of her age should not need a lesson in manners from a 4 year old.
anyway she barged back out saying something along the lines of parents who dont control their kids ect.
was i being unreasonable? if he had of said anything rude to her then of course i would have made him say sorry, but i honestly dont think he was the rude one in this??

OP posts:
PresidentServalan · 10/09/2013 22:11

Because he was rude to an adult who was a stranger to him.

Therealamandaclarke · 10/09/2013 22:13

Ah poor babyjs I bet he's adorable.
I'm sure he's not a rude child. At all. It's just so awkward when kids correct adults.
I think the whole thing (as OP has recognised) was a bit of something over nothing.
Bad moods all round.
Apart from the op's ds who simply spoke out of turn a little in the way that children do.
We should be able to take it shouldn't we? It was funny, if anything.

musicismylife · 10/09/2013 22:19

Let's hope the lady was fetching her chill pills..

I do think if it had been other way around, lady would have expected Ds to say thank you.

Not sure why Ds should apologise for pointing out that someone was discourteous, but then I suppose it was discourteous to point it out in a discourteous manner Confused

Lilacroses · 10/09/2013 22:21

She gave him a filthy look and barged past him when he thought he was being helpful, he is 4.

Lilacroses · 10/09/2013 22:23

I am thinking of the lovely 4 and 5 year olds that I teach. If one of them said that to, for example, an adult visitor to our school there is no way I would tell them to apologise. I might explain that the person didn't realise they were trying to help but how could I be so hypocritical as to say that reminding someone to say thank you is wrong?!

PresidentServalan · 10/09/2013 22:26

It's not the place of a 4 yo to 'remind' an adult of anything!

Lilacroses · 10/09/2013 22:30

Right.....no matter how unpleasant or rude that adult might be? I totally disagree with you.

Therealamandaclarke · 10/09/2013 22:37

The more I read the sadder I become.
I don't care that it's not the place of a 4 yo to "remind" someone about manners. He's 4 FFS. He didn't say "oi, say thank you bitch"
Or did I miss that bit?
That would have been rude.Grin
YWNBU to not make him apologise. He saw that you are on his side and I think that's very important.

PresidentServalan · 10/09/2013 22:40

Sorry but children and adults are NOT equals. But the reason some people get pissed off is because some kids feel its acceptable to speak to adults however they like.

Therealamandaclarke · 10/09/2013 22:44

Whatever they like?
Get a grip.

ilovebabytv · 10/09/2013 22:45

Sorry but children and adults are NOT equals

absolutely, young children trying to be helpful are far superior to grumpy rude older women imo.

PresidentServalan · 10/09/2013 22:50

It sounds like he was messing about with the door - not actually 'being helpful' - as a pp said, he wasn't being altruistic, he was playing about.

Boomba · 10/09/2013 22:56

Definitely president and a 4 year old is certainly old enough not to be fiddling with buttons and doors

Therealamandaclarke · 10/09/2013 22:58

No. It doesn't sound like he was messing about with the door.
It sounds like he was making something of a game of being the doorman. Opening the door for customers. The two things are not the same. You're just making it up.
Or maybe... Re: the grumpy woman: it sounds like she stumbled in the shop, pissed out of her head and beat him with a stick.
No, it doesn't sound like that either.

PresidentServalan · 10/09/2013 23:01

It doesn't mean that everyone has to indulge him in his game though.

SpecialAgentCuntSnake · 10/09/2013 23:01

I'm with President and the poster who said often 'little helpers' is just a way of giving a child something to do and out of the way. Pretty irresponsible of the Chemist to think this was an appropriate way to distract him IMHO! Shock

TBH I think the whole thing could of been avoided if he hadn't been messing around with the door. She was rude, but I agree with her that should have been 'controlling' him. Not the best word but he really shouldn't have been doing that.

I'm sorry your son was upset OP, and I'm glad you see you over reacted, she over reacted and your DS shouldn't have been playing with the door. Like others have said, just a bad situation for everyone!

HangingGardenofBabbysBum · 10/09/2013 23:03

fact he was still smiling at her as he said it, almost like he thought he was sharing some important secret news.

Barf.

He sounds like a mouthy twerp with no manners.

SpecialAgentCuntSnake · 10/09/2013 23:07

Oh and and to all the posters who said what this decrepit mummy old bag of 50 odd was daring to do in the chemist. Grin Really made me laugh

SaucyJack · 10/09/2013 23:09

Elle Macpherson is fifty in March.

LimitedEditionLady · 10/09/2013 23:11

Calling a kid you dont know is pretty rank to be honest.

Therealamandaclarke · 10/09/2013 23:14

hanging that's really rude and unkind. How mean to say that about a little boy.

Nobody as to join in his "game" but neither was there any need to tell him off or make him apologise.
It was a non event.
At it's best/ worst, it was an opportunity for learning.
Not chastisement.

SpecialAgentCuntSnake · 10/09/2013 23:16

I hate Elle Macpherson... It's not fair for anyone to have those sort of legs! Envy

needaholidaynow · 10/09/2013 23:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PresidentServalan · 10/09/2013 23:22

And she could have just quietly got on with her day if he had not piped up!

Boomba · 10/09/2013 23:23

I think it is an opportunity for learning. The problem arises when the responsible adult isn't teaching him, doesn't it? He should have been learning that it is not ok to be fiddling about with electronic doors (a lesson that should have been learnt by 2 IMO) But if his parent is indulging him, absolutely someone needs to tell him