was i right to tell my ds not to apologise to this woman??

[mummyjs]

my ds (4) and i were in the chemist waiting for a prescription.
my ds was stood by the door pressing the button to open it for people to come in and out and smiling at them and chatting away, people were saying than you and he was smiling and saying your welcome ect.
Anyway this older lady came in and he opened the door for him and she gave him a horrible look and barged past him. He said to her 'its nice to say thank you', which is something i drill into him so i suppose its my fault in a way. anyway she shouted at him 'how dare you speak to a adult that way' and then told me that i should control him and make him say sorry to her.
I have to admit my back was put up by the nasty tone in her voice and told her that i would not tell him to apologise, he was right, its rude not to say thank you and that a woman of her age should not need a lesson in manners from a 4 year old.
anyway she barged back out saying something along the lines of parents who dont control their kids ect.
was i being unreasonable? if he had of said anything rude to her then of course i would have made him say sorry, but i honestly dont think he was the rude one in this??

YABU.

This reminds me of a 4 year old I used to look after. Her language skills were advanced and she was bright child but she was very precocious. She would often comment on how I would say things e.g. "it's wanT not wan, you forgot the T" and the first time she said something like that, my mouth dropped open. I felt quite defensive to be honest. I had to bite my tongue and I'm usually quite a shy person and never answer back to anyone or anything! Her mum heard her say something similar once and giggled, then said "oh she's funny, she sounds just like me!". Yes, the little girl was bright and intuitive but she had not been taught what it was and was not ok to say to certain people.

In summary, it's really bloody irritating to be told off by a small child especially when you're not actively doing anything wrong e.g. she may not have noticed him opening the door. So what if other people did notice? She may have been distracted. Cut her some slack.

Yeah, because all of us in our 50s were born in the 1890s. Obviously. Just as obviously as none of us ever have sex, ever, and certainly not using the benefits of decades of shagging about in any unorthodox manner.

Hey! Look!
Women are having sex now.
It must be a new thing.

That's nice.

Anyone who thinks that women can't be sexist towards women should have a quick look at this thread.

YY Havant.

Fuck me but not in my dried up wanjo I've heard everything now.

And I'm with Bluebell*; the kid wasn't opening the door to be helpfu, he was enjoying playing with the button, which is not what it's for.
Fair enough, it's tempting to every child so I'd probably have let him do it once or twice then made sure he stopped, especially if it was a busy doorway.

Four is old enough to understand the concept of the button not being a toy.

If it had been an ordinary door and he was opening it for people, would everyone not expect to say Thank You?

Just because it was one of those new-fangled auto-thingamajiggs and he was enjoying being helpful, should that really make a difference?

I think the woman was being U. I won't use ageist language (and precocious little git should come under ageist language, just like old cow etc;) but she was rude. Yes, the child was playing. He was playing at being NICE. A child does something nice for you and he parrots something he learnt...like little kids DO. Just like people coming it a chemist can be ill or in pain- and we need to remember and understand that- I think it's important that children are allowed to act their age. He thought he had done something nice. The lady doesn't say thank you. He's been taught to say thank you, so thinks it would be nice (or letting into a secret type thing) to tell her. She shouts. He thinks he's been nice and helped her- with manners and the door.

To us, it's rude. If an adult said that I'd be horrified- although I say thank you, and would have apologised if I hadn't noticed. But I think to a 4yo, even though I wouldn't want mine messing around, he was playing being nice, he said what his parents had said to him because it seemed polite/appropriate/what you DO, and got yelled at.

Perhaps she thought the door opened automatically and didn't pay any attention to the little boy standing by it? My local chemist has one of these buttons but I only realised a few weeks ago.

Oh fgs, my tongue is wedged so far into my cheek it might actually pop through the other side.

"Anyone who thinks that women can't be sexist towards women should have a quick look at this thread."

No. That's not sexism. It's ageism. Equally horrible but not the same thing.

The woman in question was rude, the child was even ruder and the posts on here are fucking ridiculous! I haven't seen so much sexist, ageist bullshit since the last thread about an 'older' lady.

But Curlew the comments about her being 'dried up' etc are a sexist form of ageism, I reckon. It's a lovely little sub-group.

NannyOgg: If it had been an ordinary door and he was opening it for people, would everyone not expect to say Thank You?

But in that case, it would have been much more obvious that that's what he was doing, wouldn't it? Whereas with an automatic one, you don't necessarily know that someone else has oh-so-helpfully pushed the button for you because they happen to find it fun.

First thing that sprang to my mind on reading OP was that I wouldn't let mine muck about near the door - but perhaps it was a small chemist in a pedestrian street in a quiet village or something.

It covers more than one 'ism'. I think the language that tends to be used about older women covers sexism and ageism. It's special bonus bigotry.

Yes, it is a peculiar repulsion towards the older female body that more usually surfaces in threads about changing rooms. Where the OP usually has a slightly stalker-ish fascination with women who are (she thinks) insisting on flashing their 'dangly labia' at her. (Personally I think those posters should act on their repressed sexual desires rather than suppress them in this self-hating way...)

If he was an older man, he'd've been an old fart. Betcha. Old men get flatulent, and old women get dried-up. And become hags. Fact.

Couple of quick questions op from your original post. You state the woman scowled at him and barged in before he even spoke, was he in fact partly in front of the door while pushing the button? I know in my local chemist the button is to the right of the door about a metre in front, most people when pushing it are slightly in front of the door as they push with their right hand.

You also mention it being a sliding door so would people who don't push the button have a handle to hold to slide it? If she'd gone to push it then it moving unexpectedly could unbalance someone.

It would be nice if everyone in the world said thank you but sometimes people do what they think are helpful acts which aren't sounds like your son might be in that camp.

My favourite phrase on this thread (and i may have it slightly wrong) was pertly reprimanded by a four year old

I think it was motherinferior

Thank you

And, Nit, I'll have you know that many of us are striking a blow for sexual equality by being perfectly flatulent ourselves

Ha the ageism on this thread is ridiculous, and im not talking about the older lady.

People making negative assumptions all over the place to suit their perception of nasty little children. I didn't see where the op said her ds was playing with the button, specifically he was pressing it to let people in and out after being given permission/asked to do so by owner.

And the older lady (despite everyone else realising/seeing) couldn't figure out it was the little boy pressing the button that opened the door. She would assume it was an automatic door. What, even after glaring at the boy who was stood by the door opening buttoning as she walked by? Are people insinuating she's thick?

The older lady was rude and some people are defending this? Age does not command respect. And certainly being ungraciously rude to someone will usually invite a lack of respect.

Not that i think your ds was being disrepectful anyway.

Actually I think your ds learnt a useful life lesson today. Some people will be rude bastards towards you. Don't accept it.

YANBU.

Precocious

1. unusually advanced or mature in development, especially mental development: a precocious child.

Is not synonymous with 'naughty', 'cocky' or 'a pain in the arse'.

Hey bottleofbeer, only just come home a nana nap sounds good. Am going to doll my ancient body up and go out for a meal. Wont be eating it with a straw either. Shall sit and watch the wales game if i can remember the rules at my advanced age