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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

DS 13 upset about no internet at night? AIBU or is he?

137 replies

fridgealwaysfull · 09/09/2013 21:00

Hi
DS is 13 and has had a major tantrum tonight, he's still going on about it. DH and I have decided that it's not good for him to take his phone/ipod to bed and chat to his friends on snapchat/facetime etc til he decides to fall asleep. We've told him he can use the internet til 9.30pm and then it's off, he can either listen to music or read...aibu? he's reacted as if it's the worst thing that could ever happen to him. He's our eldest and I'm beginning to wonder if we've done the right thing

OP posts:

Beastofburden · 10/09/2013 10:35

Ho ho. We were grungy 1970s teenagers so we did Big sulks and limited personal hygiene. And stomping out, obviously.

Oceansurf · 10/09/2013 10:37

I don't think kids should have access to the internet in their rooms either....never mind what time of the day.

Yes, I'm old and old fashioned!

I'd take all the technology off them once homework has been completed.

mrsjay · 10/09/2013 10:38

i was an 80s teen all perm and strops

Beastofburden · 10/09/2013 10:41

Lol at permed teenagers!

I was able to ban Internet in bedrooms until sixth form but I was lucky with the state of technology at the time. I still don't allow telly up there, though DS1 watches stuff when he home from Uni. But he's 21 so I have backed off

mrsjay · 10/09/2013 10:43

dd1 is 20 so she can use her ipad or whatever my job is done on the sleep front with her

mrsjay · 10/09/2013 10:43

dd1 is 20 so she can use her ipad or whatever my job is done on the sleep front with her

survivingthechildren · 10/09/2013 11:01

Trust me fridge, as someone who should have set stronger boundaries with my DC from the beginning, you are doing the right thing.

Hold firm. Technology is an addition, and needs management at this age!

noblegiraffe · 10/09/2013 11:46

Secondary teacher here and I wish more parents did the same. Kids falling asleep at their desks from being on Facebook all night, cyber bullying, girls being pressured into sexting. It's not good.

My school decided to allow access to Facebook for the sixth form, so that they could learn to manage their time when faced with distractions etc. It ended up being removed because it was quite clear that even at that age, they can't manage their time and were spending their entire free periods online, some even missing lessons. They need help with this sort of stuff.

valiumredhead · 10/09/2013 11:48

Noble, Good Lord, who on earth thought that was a good idea?!

noblegiraffe · 10/09/2013 11:50

I think the sixth form committee argued the case for allowing it, then had to concede the point when the access logs were looked at :)

FruitSaladIsNotPudding · 10/09/2013 11:51

I wish someone would confiscate my Internet access. I'd get so much done.

But seriously, expecting children to self regulate their Internet use is hopelessly naive. Most adults can't manage it, so you are absolutely doing the right thing op.

Feminine · 10/09/2013 11:52

a bit.

My son (14) has his computer in his room.

he built it, and paid for it.

Thus far, he gets up normally and functions.

Remotecontrolduck · 10/09/2013 13:14

13 is fine, some would stay up all night but...17?

17?!

I think that's wrong to be honest. They're not really kids any more. They need to manage things like that themselves! In a matter of weeks they could go to university, not even being trusted to sleep properly?

Remotecontrolduck · 10/09/2013 13:14

13 is fine, some would stay up all night but...17?

17?!

Beastofburden · 10/09/2013 13:25

sixth form is two years off Uni- if they are about to go to Uni aged 17 they will have started sixth form at 15/6

Anyway, some 17 year olds (think boys...) dont have the sense they were born with, you'd be surprised.

thegreylady · 10/09/2013 13:47

Where is your router op?
I would unplug it and take it into the living room with you at night.
Actually no I wouldn't-I'd go to his room at 9 and collect the various devices and bring them down.If he can't be trusted he cant be trusted.
My experience is of dgc so I know what their parents do.
Under 8's have no internet access at all.
Under 12s have no unsupervised internet access ever.
12 to 15's have everything off by 9.30pm or phone /ipad confiscated for a day for every 15mins over time they have gone.
I have one dgs who will be 16 next month and he is expected to be offline by 10.30 but he often voluntarily leaves his phone etc downstairs as he likes his sleep!

MrsDavidBowie · 10/09/2013 16:19

As I said upthread, dd 17 has to Leave laptop etc outside room once she goes to bed about 10.30.
She is only just 17 .....has just gone into sixth form.

She will find this year very difficult I think compared to yr 11 and neds to sleep at a reasonable time and also not waste time, which she admits she will do on the internet/phone etc.

She's ok with it..most of her friends' parents have done the same.

thebody · 10/09/2013 16:28

if I thought it was having a detrimental affect in work or my kids couldn't get up in the morning it excessively tired then yes I would have rules like this.

my younger 2 are 13 and 14 and I don't have rules like this as they seem to be doing ok.

probably was stricter on older 2 but hey ho

I think you can get too hung up in this technology lark, I used to read to silly o clock with a torch under the bedclothes so same really.

80s permed teen too ( body perm) with flicks.. ??

valiumredhead · 10/09/2013 16:37

I don't think internet use is comparable to reading a book with a torch at all!

Feminine · 10/09/2013 16:37

yes, I tend to think like you thebody

All the controlling done by parents does make me laugh a bit.

Its like giving them a car and instructing they don't go above first gear.

My eldest (as I said earlier) was building/fixing computers at 12. If I placed any restrictions on him (or the computer) he would have found a quick way round it.

Its a bit a like the kids facebook the kids want you to see....and then the ^real one

justanuthermanicmumsday · 10/09/2013 16:41

I reacted the same when husband took my laptop away from me and didn't replace it for a fair few months. It's modern day Internet withdrawal symptoms I'm telling you it exists. Is worse for someone like me who has no tv either, since the Internet is my little window to world events. That or the newspaper which just doesn't seem to be as exciting.

he will snap out of it if kept occupied with other things, the first week is the worst lol. I used to sit and do crosswords sad or what lool.

educatingarti · 10/09/2013 16:56

valium You are right about reading and computer/phone use not being the same. Screens (including TV - though I don't think they are as bad and you don't sit as close to them) have a higher proportion of blue light than light bulbs (although the newer eco light bulbs are "bluer" than the old incandescent ones and even this is giving some people problems)

The bluer wavelength lights are detected by special receptors at the back of the eye and fool the body into thinking it is still broad daylight. So the body doesn't make melatonin (the sleepy hormone) as effectively as it should. This can lead to difficulties getting to sleep ("I'm not tired" - well no you may not be because your computer/phone is preventing you from getting tired) or reduce the amount of REM sleep you get which is the kind of sleep that refreshes you and helps you feel rested the next day.

see here
and here
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Electronic_media_and_sleep

The general advice is no electronic screens for an hour before bedtime!

At least you have a scientific reason to give to your DS!

valiumredhead · 10/09/2013 17:04

If we're using cars as examples, you wouldn't give your newly passed child a far car and tell them to go for it, you start them off slowly with a smaller, less speedy car and as they become more experienced they work their way up to speedy car.

Some may call it controlling, as far as I'm concerned it's parenting and you don't stop parenting the minute a child is 16.

Feminine · 10/09/2013 17:07

Yes, but vallium most slower cars can get up some speed also.

I used the word controlling ,when I should have said monitoring.

I have a teen brother and a teen son, it makes for some insightful chats.

thebody · 10/09/2013 17:39

Feminjne yes agree my 4 are aged 24 to 13 and really probably been lucky but they seem to have/are managing technology in their lives.

I can't see any difference Valium if you are comparing the late nights of reading with a torch or face timing late at night. the teen is still awake? unless its seen as more mumsnet to have an avid reader ????

I do think parents get knickers in a bit if a twist over technology that wasn't around when we were kids.

seriously can't imagine monitoring a 17 year old like this.

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