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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

DS 13 upset about no internet at night? AIBU or is he?

137 replies

fridgealwaysfull · 09/09/2013 21:00

Hi
DS is 13 and has had a major tantrum tonight, he's still going on about it. DH and I have decided that it's not good for him to take his phone/ipod to bed and chat to his friends on snapchat/facetime etc til he decides to fall asleep. We've told him he can use the internet til 9.30pm and then it's off, he can either listen to music or read...aibu? he's reacted as if it's the worst thing that could ever happen to him. He's our eldest and I'm beginning to wonder if we've done the right thing

OP posts:

FoundAChopinLizt · 10/09/2013 08:02

We have always had no screens (computers, consoles) after dinner at 6ish, (except genuine homework for Dd15 doing GCSE) no TV or consoles in bedroom, bed at 9 for 13 year old and 11 year old, their options are read or sleep after that. They all read a lot so no objections there. No screens at all on Friday except TV. Weekends no screens in pm.

After dinner there is tv downstairs if they want.

I find if you limit screen time, the whole family gets more sociable, people find things to do together, or practice instruments, read, play games more. None of our dcs complain about the rules, I never have to enforce them, it's just normal in our house.

Theas18 · 10/09/2013 08:13

Absolutely the right thing. Watch he isn't just using 3g on his phone though to access the web...

PurpleRayne · 10/09/2013 08:16

Do you actually know what he is accessing before 9.30pm? It isn't just a matter of late night viewing.

valiumredhead · 10/09/2013 09:12

Yanbu, I think even 9.30 is to late for internet.

Major tantrums result in removal of phones etc here.

All gadgets left downstairs at night.

Weegiemum · 10/09/2013 09:21

No Devices In Bedrooms in the weegiehouse.

Except taking a laptop up to watch a DVD if the rest of us are doing something else (visitors, watching something else).

mrsjay · 10/09/2013 09:25

oh the internet is like a life force to them we didnt have wifi when dd1 was that age but god dd2 us a nightmare, she throws tantrums I just switch the router off, I think you need to take his devices off him he isn't mature enough to switch them off and go to sleep, My dd is the same

Ledkr · 10/09/2013 09:27

I've done the same in my house, I tempered it with being allowed it later at the weekend.
Of course they don't like it they are not supposed to, they are kids and need our guidance until they are older.
Stop doubting your decisions or he will pick up on it.
The more of us who stand firm the easier it will be.

ProudAS · 10/09/2013 09:29

I seem to remember our parents' generation saying the same thing about TV in kids bedrooms. Our grandparents probably said the same thing about bedside lamps (allowing reading in bed).

mrsjay · 10/09/2013 09:30

Stop doubting your decisions or he will pick up on it.
The more of us who stand firm the easier it will be.

that Op it is ok for him ot be mad and pissed off at you his head wont fall off or anything, you need to stay strong and firm and no compromise they get over it, oh and dont fall for the oh all my friends get do have

lovetoski · 10/09/2013 09:33

No laptop on a school night but then unlimited at weekends but with homework, family stuff ds12 thinks he getting a good deal but not really. He doesn't know the password to iPad, not got a smart phone and iPod is broken. It's hard but once they know the rules and can break the addiction they do find other things to do.

Original poster

fridgealwaysfull · 10/09/2013 09:34

Well...the little bugger came downstairs and turned the router back on!!!! We were in the sitting room and didn't notice, I just thought I'd check the router before I went to bed and it was on. I very calmly told him that if he did that again it would be no internet from 9pm. Cheeky!

We're really going to stick with this one, glad to see virtually all of you agree that it's the right thing. This teenage thing is quite tricky to handle and I'll admit that at one point last night (when he was in the middle of the tantrum) I did doubt whether we were doing the right thing...but we are. Must get to grips with all this blocking the router thing at certain hours, I have no clue on how to do that, I'll see if DH has any idea

OP posts:

thebody · 10/09/2013 09:35

hear you pain op, same here and am certain that if I was to do the same for dds I would be in a minority of parents in RL.

mine generally fall asleep holding their iPods. often they have been chatting to some poor hapless lad and fell asleep so its taking the iPod out a hand and facing a strange lad, saying night night to them and switching off.??

quite bizarre.

mrsjay · 10/09/2013 09:37

yes you are doing the right thing you really are 9 30 is late enough on a school night. and to long on screens and they become irritable and tetchy it is too much stimulation, but they are teenagers they know everything and we know nothing,

mrsjay · 10/09/2013 09:38

DDs phone is PAYG so if she uses her mobile internet then it is her lookout

Beastofburden · 10/09/2013 09:38

Fridge- change the internet wireless password at 9.30 every evening. Don't tell him what it is until the day after.

if he continues to take the piss, cancel his phone contract and give him a deeply humiliating cheapo pay as you go phone, preferably pink.

I was lucky- when mine were that age, we didn't have wireless, so computers were in the playroom, end of, and there were no smartphones. Now, you have to tackle the problem at source.

specialsubject · 10/09/2013 09:39

TV used to stop broadcasting when we were kids so was self limiting.

screens in the bedroom are bad sleep practice for everyone of all ages. And as others point out, you don't know what they are looking at or doing. Ref the thread about the 15 year old doing internet stripping!

you are of course the worst mum ever and he hates you. Oh well. :-)

Original poster

fridgealwaysfull · 10/09/2013 09:41

beastof....I like that!

OP posts:

specialsubject · 10/09/2013 09:44

ps if it is a BT router, you can password protect it and set up times when it goes off. You can also exclude certain devices at certain times. Go to bthomehub.home on one of your computers.

if he then does the factory reset, sell his iphone.

Lethologica · 10/09/2013 09:44

There are ways to set up the Internet (I use BT andBitDefender) so that you can set up different rules for different devices. There is no need for te whole house to have no internet access.

I would punish him for turning the router bak on. That is naughty !

TantrumsAndBalloons · 10/09/2013 09:46

Yep, all devices downstairs here. And just in case anyone tries to sneak anything upstairs (yes ds1 that would be you) the router blocks access after 9pm unless you put in the password. Which I change every so often. So no one knows it but me.

I am the worst parent ever

mrsjay · 10/09/2013 09:51

Dh took dds phone of her during the holidays she was up most of the night she actually put her head against a door and sobbed it's not fair I kid you not it was as if her world had ended, she is so dramatic

valiumredhead · 10/09/2013 10:18

Mrs jay- I can just see that ds is the same, the drama

mrsjay · 10/09/2013 10:21

it is exhausting I try not to laugh at her respect her feelings but sometimes i cant help it

Beastofburden · 10/09/2013 10:32

They learn this hyper diva crap from the various X factor shows. In my day we did Massive Sulking instead. I expect it was just as comical to the parents....

valiumredhead · 10/09/2013 10:33

I'd like to blame it on x factor but I remember being dramatic too

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