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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DS 13 upset about no internet at night? AIBU or is he?

137 replies

fridgealwaysfull · 09/09/2013 21:00

Hi
DS is 13 and has had a major tantrum tonight, he's still going on about it. DH and I have decided that it's not good for him to take his phone/ipod to bed and chat to his friends on snapchat/facetime etc til he decides to fall asleep. We've told him he can use the internet til 9.30pm and then it's off, he can either listen to music or read...aibu? he's reacted as if it's the worst thing that could ever happen to him. He's our eldest and I'm beginning to wonder if we've done the right thing

OP posts:
TeaMakesItAllPossible · 09/09/2013 21:53

YANBU.

Our DSs are 13 and 12 (and younger but they're not so much of an issue at the moment). Our router is programmed that all the DS's devices, except those with 3G, stop working on the internet at 8pm. Those with 3G have to be on their docking stations at 8pm. If they don't they loose their devices for 48 hours. With the smart phones we have decided that we won't give them their own. They borrow one of our spare ones so it is an easier conversation to have ..... we trust you with one of our devices and therefore you follow our rules.

The only exception is if they're doing homework on the communal computer and we have a password to grant their profiles an extension.

We regularly check the router to see whether there are any other devices on (buying a secret SIM).

We are mean fecking bastards regarding sleep and screen time during the term time. There have been occasional pushing of boundaries but that's only to be expected.

ThreeBeeOneGee · 09/09/2013 21:53

MAC as in media access control. I think each device has its own, so you can get your wi-fi to allow some and block others.

soontobeslendergirl · 09/09/2013 21:55

I have a 13 year old and a 12 year old - during the week there is only one day that they aren't out at an activity and on that day and Sunday nights, they come off screen for super about 9 and then they can read until about 10. Friday night and Saturday night they get a little while more depending on what they have been doing during the day.

No protests yet but the time will come. They have already accused me of blackmailing them recently when I have threatened loss of screen time for bad behaviour Hmm

ThreeBeeOneGee · 09/09/2013 21:56

Tea: you're not as mean as us! The eleven year old doesn't have 3G on his phone at all and the 13 year old only gets it in the long summer holiday! Smile

SilverOldie · 09/09/2013 21:56

It's a shame we don't have access to time travel - a couple of weeks spent back in the 1950's with no mobiles, ipods, computers, xboxes etc may have worked wonders Grin

ThreeBeeOneGee · 09/09/2013 21:59

SilverOldie: we spent a week in a part of Devon that had no mobile reception or wi-fi, which was similar! I'd also recommend parts of the Isle of Wight & rural Wales for an authentic pre-digital experience! We regularly stay at a cottage that doesn't have a single screen.

ExitPursuedByADragon · 09/09/2013 22:00

Dd loses phone for days on end. And admits to enjoying it.

TeaMakesItAllPossible · 09/09/2013 22:04

I like your style dude!

watchingout · 09/09/2013 22:08

You can go into the router settings and block out access to each device that logs onto the wifi. Ours is set to mysteriously "turn off" at 2130 for the younger teens with a bit longer for the older teens and 24hrs for insomniac parents

However if anyone has 3G on their phones, then you're buggered... My DCs have different service providers and only one has a decent signal at home. Guess who was getting PAID by the others to "turn the sharing on"?! Angry

Awks · 09/09/2013 22:12

Ours can go 3 weeks in rural Spain with no signal and not a murmur. But once at home they have to be connected 24/7 - it's the fear of missing out and it's how they live. I might not be that delighted but it's the norm and as my kids are happy, achieving and sans huge issues that's what I let them be.

Fore me, it's one of the choose my battles quandries.

MaddAddam · 09/09/2013 22:19

My 13 and 12 yos have laptops that close down totally at 9pm til 7am. They don't complain cos if they do I'd take the laptops off them for a week (I do that when they are on them too much anyway). If/when they get smartphones I'll expect them handed in at night.

We don't actually seem stricter than many of their friends' parents on this. And bizarrely, my children's friends think we're quite permissive parents despite my draconian control of tv and screen time.

MissMarplesBloomers · 09/09/2013 22:19

You are a cruel & nasty parent OP, you just don't UNDERSTAAAAND &

absolutely EVERYONE else's parents are OK with it, just you lot that

are such DINOSAURS

Do you know if you put draught excluder around the door frame the door doesn't slam just goes Puft......takes all the drama out of a slam!! Wink

pointythings · 09/09/2013 22:20

DD1 has a phone which - er - makes phone calls and sends text messages. She will not be getting anything more than that, she simply does not need it. She also does not want it - she has friends who have been cyberbullied. DD2 will have the same when she starts Yr7.

When we go to Devon we always go to a place in the middle of nowhere which has no wi-fi and no mobile reception - there's a landline phone for emergencies and that's it. It is fabulous.

usuallyright · 09/09/2013 23:00

I think I'm a bit more lenient than most of you.
I have a 13 year old. I turn wifi off at 10.
I certainly won't be asking her to hand over her laptop at 17!
I'm hoping to leave her in charge of the house for the weekend at 17 and have the same screen time rights as us.
From 16, they can do what they want re. screen time.
I don't intend to treat them like children forever.

MissMuesli · 09/09/2013 23:05

I made some of my most horrific and embarrassing mistakes between the ages of 13 and 16, when I was meant to be sleeping! Stick to your rule, it's for them even if they don't know it!

NoComet · 09/09/2013 23:21

I just don't see the point in making up rules to wind teenagers up, that's schools job.

DD1 wouldn't go to sleep if you turned took all her gadgets off her and turned the electricity to the entire house off and locked up all the torches so she couldn't read.

She'd probably practice her singing, hence keeping her sister awake.

This would result either in a mighty row or DD2 deciding to practice gymnastics in the dark.

Personally I think leaving her watch Dr. Who is a better idea.

Pickle131 · 10/09/2013 00:01

My DS (13) has Net Nanny installed on his PC and Android smartphone, it allows him online for as few hours as I set it to each day, and only allows him on between 4-8pm. He leaves the phone downstairs once he goes to bed. YANBU and should stick to your guns for his own good.

StuntGirl · 10/09/2013 00:18

YANBU, stick to your guns OP.

CinnamonAddict · 10/09/2013 07:07

Star, you haven't found your teen on youtube at 2.15 on a school night then I take it? (having hacked into parental controls)

We don't make the rules to wind them up, we are parenting.

SubliminalMassaging · 10/09/2013 07:12

You are right. I have the same issues with my 14 yo. He says he's only going to be 10 mins and he's still on there at 1am. Hmm

we take his laptop and phone out of his room when we go to bed now.

ConfusedPixie · 10/09/2013 07:19

Taking notes for the day I have teens! I was a teen through the start of the media craze in the 2000-2008 range, I can remember dancing with my boobs out on Web cam one night with a friend, staying up all night taking to Americans and Aussies and all sorts. I was sensible most of the time but wish that my mum had kept to the sanctions! I know that I'll never allow my kids to have computers in their bedrooms though, purely based on my experience as a teen with a pc

teenagetantrums · 10/09/2013 07:21

At that age I had my laptops blocked between 9pm and 6am during the week, easy to do on the hub manager. so totally normal, now at 16 and 19 they can do what they want as long as college work does not suffer. Watch out for the mobile phone, I was wondering how my daughter was using her phone for facebook the other day when our internet was down, forgot she gets internet from the phone provider.

livinginwonderland · 10/09/2013 07:28

I was only a teenager a few years ago. We had dial-up until I was sixteen so I was limited to two hours (between 7-9pm) on schoolnights and four hours each day at the weekend (I normally had one hour in the morning, one in the afternoon and 2 in the evening, but my parents were flexible so long as I didn't go over the 4 hours).

However, those restrictions were only because it clogged the phone line. As soon as we got broadband for my 16th birthday, my parents stopped limiting it as much. So long as I had my homework done and was in my room by 10.30pm (PC was in my study), they never kicked up a fuss. I was normally offline before then to read anyway.

claraschu · 10/09/2013 07:43

I need someone to take away my laptop and keep me on the straight and narrow. If a 17 year old can have that kind of high quality babysitting, why can't I?

WillSingForCake · 10/09/2013 07:50

You're doing the right thing. Tell him he's made his point, you understand he's upset, but everytime he moans again you're going to deduct 10 mins from the time, so it goes to 9.20pm etc. Then the tantrums might end!

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