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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

man shouted at my 3 year old for kicking

999 replies

ghostspirit · 08/09/2013 14:53

I took my children to chessington. and was in que for the ride. my 3 year old daughter had been kicking the man in front of us. ( i had not seen) He turned and shouted at her 'stop kicking me,don't you dare kick me' his tone and voulume of voice was a bit over the top. I told my daughter you don't kick its naughty. Then i told him she is 3 years old if there is a problem you talk to me not her. The woman who was with him said they have to be firm with their child because of some special needs he has and i said that may be your situation and you may need to talk to your son that way, But that does not mean its ok to talk to my child that way.

OP posts:
YouTheCat · 08/09/2013 16:28

Shouting is not a form of violence. Kicking is though.

Sirzy · 08/09/2013 16:28

and the reason not many are agreeing with me it because its just to make something of a thread because your all bored

No it is because you are wrong.

shouting at people isn't nice, but being kicked is much worse. The fact you focused on having a go at the man rather than discipling your child says a lot don't you think?

friday16 · 08/09/2013 16:28

"as parents would not bother to protect your child from a stranger shouting at them which is a form of violence. "

Perhaps you spent a bit more effort in stopping your child from being violent, and a bit less time making excuses for it afterwards, everyone would be a lot happier. Including your child. Child who kicks out at a random and a mother who thinks no-one should call them one? Six months in school before the first exclusion, if they're lucky.

SlobAtHome · 08/09/2013 16:28

It may have been an over reaction, but it is a normal reaction to pain.

Plus, and again, kicking a stranger is very odd behaviour even at three.

duchessandscruffy · 08/09/2013 16:28

Can you please define what you mean by the 'shouting' that you are now equating g with violence? Because in the op you said his 'tone and volume was a bit over the top'. But if he was shouting violently everyone must have been really looking at you and been worried.

Sirzy · 08/09/2013 16:30

I agree slob DS is nearly 4 and I very rarely shout, the only time I have is the once he hit his cousin - it worked he hasn't kicked since. Sometimes it is an effective way of getting a child to realise they have done wrong.

friday16 · 08/09/2013 16:30

"the adults in front of you could have just asked her to stop and ensured you dealt with it."

They'd have been wasting their time, though, wouldn't they? Because she knows what happened, but didn't deal with it.

TobyLerone · 08/09/2013 16:31

So we're all disagreeing with you because we're bored, and not because...y'know...YABU?

mrsjay · 08/09/2013 16:31

Misspixietrix Sun 08-Sep-13 16:19:10
Thanks MrsJay. I think generally it takes a lot for an adult to shout at another Child. Yes it's not nice to see somebody else tell your Child off but then it's not nice to be kicked either confused

Not sure which comment i am being thanked for I have said loads Grin

Original poster
ghostspirit · 08/09/2013 16:32

thank you fixitchappie. i thought that must be the case. of course i know its not right that my 3 year old kicks... and i did tell her that.

OP posts:
Ahlaam · 08/09/2013 16:32

OP YABU. Like many have noted, it is your responsibility to ensure your child behaves appropriately. I have two nieces who are 3 and they are fully aware of their actions and its consequences.

SybilRamkin · 08/09/2013 16:32

YABU.

OP, you brought this on yourself - you came on a thread asking for opinions, and when people don't agree with you instead of giving in gracefully or accepting that the majority don't agree with you, you're continually trying to justify your poor behaviour.

Your DD has learned a valuable lesson - if you kick strangers, they WILL shout at you.

YouTheCat · 08/09/2013 16:32

I tend to disagree with people because I don't agree with them .

If I agree with someone, then I say so.

I find my life is much less complicated that way. Hmm

ShakeAndVac · 08/09/2013 16:32

Another one who says YABVU, and I have two small children. I'd be mortified if mine were kicking someone in the queue, and would be apologising to the man profusely for being kicked.
Then telling my child it wasn't acceptable to go booting at people, and if it carried on we'd be going home.
I wouldn't have a problem with someone telling them off if they'd done something to warrant the said telling off.
I'm more of the opinion that it serves them bloomin' well right to be told off and it might make them think twice about doing it in future! Smile

mrsjay · 08/09/2013 16:33

And if you think that is t ok then i guess you, as parents would not bother to protect your child from a stranger shouting at them which is a form of violence.

telling a child off is not violent behaviour you really do sound very precious about all this your child is going to school unless you are going to homeschool lots of teachers are going to be violent

MrsDeVere · 08/09/2013 16:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ilovesooty · 08/09/2013 16:34

The OP says her child "had been kicking" which doesn't imply an accidental one off. She also his "tone and volume were a bit over the top". My bet is he raised his voice a bit - understandable. I also read the woman's response the same way as "MrsDeVere* did.

I think it's quite telling that the OP hasn't answered about whether or not she was on her phone at the time. Whatever she was doing, she wasn't paying attention.

And I imagine her little darlings are going to be nightmares when they go to school if she expects all reprimands to go through her so that she can deliver her own brand of ineffectual parenting.

TobyLerone · 08/09/2013 16:34

Also, given how people tend to exaggerate in their indignation, I would dispute how much actual 'violent shouting' actually went on.

There is no way of knowing, of course, and the situation seems to be escalating with every post from the OP.

ilovesooty · 08/09/2013 16:35

and the reason not many are agreeing with me it because its just to make something of a thread because your all bored

Priceless. Grow up.

Jessicarthorse · 08/09/2013 16:36

Do you shout at your daughter, OP?

Do you drag her around by her arm, shrieking like a fishwife and then square up to anyone who dares 'look at you funny'?

Just a feeling I get.

Chotter · 08/09/2013 16:36

I have a friend who is a teacher in a pretty rough school. Parents like the OP are the bane of her life. Little Whitney or Keanu kick off in class, she punishes them (bans privileges, not corporal), and the next think is fagash Lil or her vested partner Onlsow are on the bounce in front of her, because little Whitney or Keanu never did it, no siree bob....

Funnily enough, these parents rarely make it to parents evening....

treaclesoda · 08/09/2013 16:37

I'm staggered that shouting at a 3 year old to stop kicking is being equated with violence.

yes, words can be violent in tone, and intended to cause harm. But he hasn't threatened to harm her, he didn't insult her, he hasn't waged a campaign of emotional abuse, he told her to stop kicking him. Hardly violent words Confused

Original poster
ghostspirit · 08/09/2013 16:37

i dont have to agree with anything i have said several times my daughter should not have kicked and i told her that. the adult should also not have shouted at her... seems your only seeing the bits you want to

OP posts:
Johnny5needsinput · 08/09/2013 16:37

If it wasn't for the fact that you have a DD and not a DS who is 3 I'd think you were my ex SIL

She can't parent either and it's never ever her little darling's fault. It's always someone else's fault.

Sadly that didn't wash in the summer time with their much older cousin Grin and I did laugh when DD told me

sparkle12mar08 · 08/09/2013 16:37

Goodness, some people really are that stupid afterall. Who knew?

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