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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

man shouted at my 3 year old for kicking

999 replies

ghostspirit · 08/09/2013 14:53

I took my children to chessington. and was in que for the ride. my 3 year old daughter had been kicking the man in front of us. ( i had not seen) He turned and shouted at her 'stop kicking me,don't you dare kick me' his tone and voulume of voice was a bit over the top. I told my daughter you don't kick its naughty. Then i told him she is 3 years old if there is a problem you talk to me not her. The woman who was with him said they have to be firm with their child because of some special needs he has and i said that may be your situation and you may need to talk to your son that way, But that does not mean its ok to talk to my child that way.

OP posts:
usualsuspect · 08/09/2013 16:18

Some of these replies are bloody awful.

MinesAPintOfTea · 08/09/2013 16:18

usual I have raised my voice (for a short sharp "NO") to a 1yo when bitten. So yes, if a 3yo was hurting another person I would raise my voice briefly.

Look at the OP's first description of the shouting again: "his tone and voulume of voice was a bit over the top". Not he screamed and shouted. It takes a village to raise a child: this is the village, drawing the line.

Jessicarthorse · 08/09/2013 16:18

Some of us are sick to death of bloody badly behaved children and their feeble, rubbish parents.

friday16 · 08/09/2013 16:18

" i have not at any point said my child was right to kick"

So what did you do to make that clear to your child? At the time?

Misspixietrix · 08/09/2013 16:19

Thanks MrsJay. I think generally it takes a lot for an adult to shout at another Child. Yes it's not nice to see somebody else tell your Child off but then it's not nice to be kicked either Confused

BadLad · 08/09/2013 16:19

I would definitely shout at an adult who kicked me without any provocation at all.

friday16 · 08/09/2013 16:19

"i doubt every much he would have shouted at a grown man that way"

A grown man who had kicked him in a queue? You are, of course, having a laugh.

zatyaballerina · 08/09/2013 16:20

It may be understandable to not know that your child has kicked somebody once due to being momentarily distracted but the only way you can not 'notice' your child repeatedly kicking someone until they are forced to say 'stop' is if you're not paying attention at all. With three year olds you have to pay attention, that's your job as a parent.

It's not about being perfect, it's about being aware of your childs behaviour and dealing with it immediately. If you aren't supervising them properly then you are forcing others to tell them off when they find themselves on the receiving end of your childs kicking.

soverylucky · 08/09/2013 16:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Johnny5needsinput · 08/09/2013 16:20

I seriously would shout at a 3 year old. And I might even shout AND swear at said 3 year old if they were kicking me.

friday16 · 08/09/2013 16:21

Some of us are sick to death of bloody badly behaved children and their feeble, rubbish parents.

This.

SilverApples · 08/09/2013 16:21

Oh no, I don't think that the child is nasty or violent or any of the more negative comments about her, they are way OTT.
She's three, at that stage of experimentation and reaction and observation.
They do something and then watch what the consequences are, without understanding the first few times.
She needs to learn what's OK and what isn't, but I think she sounds like a perfectly average child.

LegoDragon · 08/09/2013 16:21

I don't agree shouting at a 3yo is right as such- although I've raised my voice and shouted rarely, that doesn't make it right. But shouting is an understandable reaction of a frustrated and hurt person and I think children should learn that kicking a stranger means the stranger will react.

MrsDeVere · 08/09/2013 16:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

duchessandscruffy · 08/09/2013 16:22

I thought this was a reverse aibu to start with!

Op you are going to be one of those really irritating school parents who immediately jump to their child's defence in front of the teachers aren't you?

I agree with Mrs De vere - you don't seem all that bothered about the fact that your child was kicking a stranger while you were standing right there.

Also, was he really shouting? As in, the whole of the queue was looking at you to see what on earth was going on? Or did he just speak to her in a very harsh tone?

Btw - yabu - accept it!

Johnny5needsinput · 08/09/2013 16:23

Good point - what on earth is a teacher supposed to do in a year or two when she's at nursery? Since your DD can't be ticked off except through you and with your prior approval?

friday16 · 08/09/2013 16:23

"They do something and then watch what the consequences are, without understanding the first few times."

Well, what is the OP complaining about? The child did something. Now they know what the consequences are. Win all around, yes?

Chotter · 08/09/2013 16:24

I read about this discussion on another forum.

I had to come over and see if it was really true. And it is - parents like the OP really do exist!

Brilliant Grin

Original poster
ghostspirit · 08/09/2013 16:25

ok so its like this its wrong for my daughter to kick (i agree)

but its ok for a grown man to shout at a 3 year old...

And if you think that is t ok then i guess you, as parents would not bother to protect your child from a stranger shouting at them which is a form of violence.

and the reason not many are agreeing with me it because its just to make something of a thread because your all bored

OP posts:
gordyslovesheep · 08/09/2013 16:26

seriously Chotter? where?

OP I am genuinely interested in why you didn't notice, stood in a line - where you not chatting to her about the ride or her day or anything - standing in line is ruddy boring and there isn't much to do but chat with each other

TediousFool · 08/09/2013 16:26

Was your DD in a pushchair or was she standing up?

If she was in a pushchair I could imagine her swinging her legs without much thought of consequences, especially if she was bored (because really, not many 3 years fully understand the concept of consequences do they??) and accidently hitting the mans legs. Still not good behaviour though.

If she was standing, how was she kicking him? - I've got visions of a mini Buffy drop kicking him! Grin

Other posters are right though, the right response from you would have been an apology to the man.

moanalot · 08/09/2013 16:27

It's a bit like when your on a bus or a plane and the child sat behind is constantly kicking your seat. It's up to the parent to stop the child doing it but strangely they never seem to notice.

Johnny5needsinput · 08/09/2013 16:27

Yes it is OK for a grown man to shout at a child who is kicking him.

He didn't lamp her one did he? Smack her? NO, he raised his voice and spoke severely to her.

Which she deserved.

FixItUpChappie · 08/09/2013 16:27

Bullcrap - I doubt most parents on here would be happy for a stranger to tell off their 3 year old. I think your experiencing AIBU MN pack mentality. So YANBthatU...the adults in front of you could have just asked her to stop and ensured you dealt with it.

SlobAtHome · 08/09/2013 16:27

usual

Would I shout at a three year old for physically assaulting... erm, yes I think I would.

Shouting is ineffective when used all the time, I am not supporting that, but if I was being physically assaulted by anyone I would probably lose my cool and shout.

You don't accidentally kick someone, at the the very least you can be waving your legs around where people are and kick them. It's kicking. You don't. Simple as that. Three or not.

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