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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

man shouted at my 3 year old for kicking

999 replies

ghostspirit · 08/09/2013 14:53

I took my children to chessington. and was in que for the ride. my 3 year old daughter had been kicking the man in front of us. ( i had not seen) He turned and shouted at her 'stop kicking me,don't you dare kick me' his tone and voulume of voice was a bit over the top. I told my daughter you don't kick its naughty. Then i told him she is 3 years old if there is a problem you talk to me not her. The woman who was with him said they have to be firm with their child because of some special needs he has and i said that may be your situation and you may need to talk to your son that way, But that does not mean its ok to talk to my child that way.

OP posts:

littlemisswise · 09/09/2013 10:26

Exactly Soup!

What do you mean Freud? The bloke had shouted like he needed anger management yet she still allowed her 3 yo to go near him and his property after the initial event!

Original poster

ghostspirit · 09/09/2013 10:28

why is it when people say things to me. i respond im drip feeding. what do i do then. just sit here and read? and say nothing at all.

OP posts:

Bunnyjo · 09/09/2013 10:31

Wow, there is some madness on this thread! The OP asked a question and maybe she did go to the 'far end of a fart' to defend her view. But to insinuate her child will be expelled or that she is a crap parent?! Classy, very classy

OP, as I see it YABU. Maybe the man approached it differently to how you would have liked, but that's not to say that what he did was wrong. We have no idea how long your DD had been kicking him - even by your own admission you don't know whether your DD kicked him 1 or 10 times. It probably wasn't pleasant, and maybe rather embarrassing, that your DD's actions and the reaction of the man drew attention to you all, but I don't think him shouting at your DD was unreasonable.

Personally, I would have no issue with other people shouting at my DC if they was doing something that warranted it.

FreudiansSlipper · 09/09/2013 10:31

his property

oh we are in court, i see i thought it was a joke

she was queuing, had been queuing obviously if her physic powers were in full working mode she would have known he would have shouted at her, she did not so let her dd kick away

usualsuspect · 09/09/2013 10:32

I'd have left them all to froth amongst themselves long ago,Ghost.

treaclesoda · 09/09/2013 10:32

ghost the truthful answer to why people are querying the words you used is just because to most people 'over the top' and 'aggressive' just aren't the same thing. I appreciate your difficulties with spelling, I know you mentioned that right at the start, but I suppose the issue is that by using different words, you do change the meaning somewhat, even if you don't intend to.

KellyElly · 09/09/2013 10:35

Reading this thread OP I think many of the adults on here commenting in such a nasty and aggressive way are much worse behaved than your three year old .

Original poster

ghostspirit · 09/09/2013 10:35

i see your point soda. maybe people should ask what i meant by over the top. but yes i see your point. but then if i try to explain something im told im drip feeding so what ever i say is going to be wrong

OP posts:

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 09/09/2013 10:37

Ghostspirit - I did suggest a way to discipline your dd without marching everyone home, as I agreed I would not do this following that incident.

I suggested taking your family out of the queue for the ride and having a stern talk with your dd, to make it clear that any more bad behaviour would mean going home. I would then rejoin the queue - and the extra queuing time would have been a bit of a punishment.

Original poster

ghostspirit · 09/09/2013 10:39

genius. some of the queing waht 30/60 mins this would have still punished my other children. no matter what anyone say im not willing to do that

OP posts:

fluffyraggies · 09/09/2013 10:39

I've just sat and read the whole thread. I like to RTWFT. But nothing new or relevant came out. The OP had her answer in the first 10/20 posts.

The point of the thread is:

You either do or do not think that it's acceptable for an adult to shout at a child who has kicked them.

The majority have said they do think it's acceptable, in the situation the OP described, that the bloke shouted.

OP: your child/children have been born into a world full of people with kids, people without kids, people with hidden problems, people with 'bad tempers', people with 'good tempers' but have who have a different opinion to yours, people in pain, people who are on cloud 9, people who may have just left a graveside ... your child is not a babe in arms anymore, and if she kicks one of these random people, she might get shouted at.

Your DD knows that now. So she probably wont kick anyone again. Good.

She may also have learned that if anyone ever kicks her she has a right to be cross about it. Good again.

That's how the world she is growing up in works. You are doing her no favours by making her think it doesn't.

littlemisswise · 09/09/2013 10:41

I say you are drip feeding because I asked quite a way into the thread if he was that aggressive and shouty why didn't other people in the queue call him on it or comment. You said they were, and were looking. That is quite an important bit of information to leave out of your OP IMO.

There have been other examples, too.

Freud, the man's bag is his property. If he was such an unhinged twat, the natural response of parent is to put distance between their child and him, not to allow the child to keep antagonising him.

None of this makes any sense.

Cluffyflump · 09/09/2013 10:41

Who thinks This was a premeditated attack?
We (as a group) have yet to explore the possibility that this was planned from the off.
The worrying thing is, we just don't know what her next move could be.....

Original poster

ghostspirit · 09/09/2013 10:43

i did not think other people looking matterd :/

OP posts:

crumpet · 09/09/2013 10:43

A 3year old should know that kicking is wrong.

Your dd now knows it will result in being told off.

She has learnt a good lesson - possibly a bit hasher than might have been ideal, but it is still a good lesson.

IceBeing · 09/09/2013 10:43

Bear "Yet another thread where some people, like icebeing completely accept the OP's version of the truth."

erm what the actual fuck?

What other possibility is there?

I would certainly rather accept the OP's version than the version made up by the other posters on here. Sure the OP might be lying...but they weren't even there...so I KNOW their version isn't true.

Misspixietrix · 09/09/2013 10:43

BunnyJo at far end of a fart! A lot of people commented that some posts were uncalled for. Me and MrsDeVere did along with others. Not everyone had a go at her but It Got lost amongst the Parenting Jibes. FWIW OP I dont think you need Parenting Classes or that your Child Is a brat. If he raised his voice in a firm way I dont think HWBU. I think Its just a case of your Ddwas one child too many that have kicked him (jnadvertently or not) and she Got the brunt of It.

FreudiansSlipper · 09/09/2013 10:44

yes i know littlemisswise i know you were meaning the man's bag is his property

i was taking the piss

IceBeing · 09/09/2013 10:45

ghost you have a Child That Kicked...nothing you do from this point on will be okay...

Misspixietrix · 09/09/2013 10:46

OP theres an old MN phrase that If you have to ask AIBU then you probably are. You said he raised his voice did you shout back at him? ~

IceBeing · 09/09/2013 10:48

I think I may recommend this thread for classics...

As an exhibition of judgey-pants wedgery it has reached some sort of fine arts level.

Original poster

ghostspirit · 09/09/2013 10:49

no i did not shout back at him.

OP posts:

friday16 · 09/09/2013 10:49

"some of the queing waht 30/60 mins this would have still punished my other children. no matter what anyone say im not willing to do that"

No the vital lesson your children have learnt is to make sure they have siblings with them when they kick people, because then they won't be punished for it.

Original poster

ghostspirit · 09/09/2013 10:50

i told her of friday16.

OP posts:

usualsuspect · 09/09/2013 10:50

You should have shouted back at him.

It's perfectly acceptable to shout at people according to this thread.

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