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AIBU?

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Original poster

man shouted at my 3 year old for kicking

999 replies

ghostspirit · 08/09/2013 14:53

I took my children to chessington. and was in que for the ride. my 3 year old daughter had been kicking the man in front of us. ( i had not seen) He turned and shouted at her 'stop kicking me,don't you dare kick me' his tone and voulume of voice was a bit over the top. I told my daughter you don't kick its naughty. Then i told him she is 3 years old if there is a problem you talk to me not her. The woman who was with him said they have to be firm with their child because of some special needs he has and i said that may be your situation and you may need to talk to your son that way, But that does not mean its ok to talk to my child that way.

OP posts:
Chotter · 09/09/2013 09:29

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TheOriginalSteamingNit · 09/09/2013 09:29

I would have turned round and glared, probably. I'd be a bit scared of the mother who let her child do that, so would avoid talking to you unless I really had to.

echt · 09/09/2013 09:29

OP, equating the normal behaviour of a 3-year to the normal behaviour of an adult is a bit flawed.

Adults DO shout at each other - check out the Relationships threads.

treaclesoda · 09/09/2013 09:31

When you say 'adults don't go around shouting at each other, so they?' do you really believe that?

I live a fairly sheltered existence, I don't live in some terribly troubled area with lots of anti social behaviour, but even I have witnessed plenty of occasions when adults have verbally torn strips off each other over things like stepping on someone's toe, taking a parking space that someone else wanted etc. And what about the workplace? I can't be the only person who has worked in an office with a bullying control freak who makes their point by screaming in your face? I'm not saying its right, its definitely not, but this idea that adults all speak politely to each other when they have a problem is just so far from my experience of real life.

I'm a pretty timid person in a lot of ways - I have never raised my voice to colleagues or friends, and can count on one hand the number of times I have raised my voice to DH, but a few weeks ago some older children threw stones at each other in the playground, narrowly missing other kids, and I shouted at them. I couldn't quite believe that I had done it, I've never done it before. Their parents had been telling them not to do it, the kids ignored them. I shouted at them, something along the lines of 'what do you think you're doing? Someone will get hurt!' and they went scurrying back to mum and dad feeling sorry for themselves, but after that they behaved themselves. I didn't abuse them, they weren't traumatised (they weren't begging their parents to go home, or telling them that the nasty women scared them) but they certainly changed their behaviour. I don't feel bad for shouting at them.

Original poster
ghostspirit · 09/09/2013 09:31

we don't know that he was being kicked repeatly.... and it still comes down to the fact that he never spoke to me.

OP posts:
TheOriginalSteamingNit · 09/09/2013 09:33

No, it comes down to the fact that she kicked him! (was it only the once, now? or you just don't know any more?)

The kicking is the thing that happened here. The rest is the consequence - maybe not the consequence you'd have chosen, but that's irrelevant. The responsibility does not lie with the man to respond well to being kicked.

treaclesoda · 09/09/2013 09:34

but why would he speak to you? You weren't the one kicking him

usualsuspect · 09/09/2013 09:35

I doubt very much that the child repeatedly kicked the shouty man.

Ghost,do you know Chotter?

Is this thread a wind up?

Original poster
ghostspirit · 09/09/2013 09:36

ok maybe the adults at each other was not a good example but i like to think if someone trod on aother ones toe by mistake they would let them know to give the adult time a appoligise . my child was not given that chance.

OP posts:
treaclesoda · 09/09/2013 09:37

sorry, that came out wrong. Its not that adults should bypass other adults and go straight to the kids to sort things out, I just mean that in that instant, that moment, she was the one who was kicking him. The quickest way to get her to stop kicking him was to go straight to her with 'stop kicking me!' not to enter into prolonged negotiations with a parent who might deny it, might make light of it, might accuse him of overreacting. I'm not actually saying you would have denied it, I'm just using that as an illustration - he wouldn't have known what your reaction would be, just the same as your dd didn't know what his reaction would be when she kicked him.

mrsjay · 09/09/2013 09:37

The kicking is the thing that happened here. The rest is the consequence - maybe not the consequence you'd have chosen, but that's irrelevant. The responsibility does not lie with the man to respond well to being kicked

that you didnt kick the man your daughter did he didnt need to speak to you as I said pages ago he maybe tried to catch your attention but you didnt notice perhaps there was sighing and tutting . I think most people are not really going to agree with you,

FreudiansSlipper · 09/09/2013 09:37

god lord the child was hardly acting violently she was hardly grabbing the man leg and kicking him in the shin

though reading this thread i am very humbled that there are so many parents out there who are so good at bringing up their children not only do they never take their eyes off them for more than a few seconds their children by the age of 3 their children are able measure every action they take and understand the full nature of actions and consequences

Original poster
ghostspirit · 09/09/2013 09:37

who is chotter? i have not been on there that much really

OP posts:
usualsuspect · 09/09/2013 09:38

On where?

Chotter seems to think this thread is a wind up.

mrsjay · 09/09/2013 09:39

your child was kicking somebody on purpose it wasn't an accident she didnt accidently tread on his toe she was kicking him whether she was bored or thought it was fun to annoy somebody in the queue it was intentional 3 year olds are not babies they know when they are doing something.

TheOriginalSteamingNit · 09/09/2013 09:40

I just think that you have to realise that men in queues are the variable here, on which you can't depend.

If you let a child run about near a road, a car which is being driven super-considerately might see the child in plenty of time. and slow down and stop - no harm done. A car which is being driven slightly less slowly might have to brake sharply, and might well beep the horn in shock and anger, thus frightening the child. And some cars might be being driven recklessly, with disastrous consequences.

To me, this man sounds like the equivalent of the car who brakes sharply and bangs his horn - not the nicest, it's always upsetting if someone beeps you, but it's still more your fault than his.

GrinchAnInch · 09/09/2013 09:40

Do any of the posters who say that shouting at a 3 year old is ok actually have children ? If so have your children always been perfect ? I very much doubt a 3 year old deliberately kicked a strange man. If I accidently knocked into a man would it be ok for him to shout aggressively at me ? I wouldn't of punished her op I would of explained why fidgeting and knocking into people in a queue is not on and I would of told him not to shout at my daughter again !

Don't take any notice of this barmy lot. If you had posted that your dp had shouted at your dd aggressively they would all be telling you to LTB Grin

mrsjay · 09/09/2013 09:42

no I am not perfect yes my children could be naughty this little girl was maybe standing bored and kicking this guy nobody reacts badly by a slight kick ,

Original poster
ghostspirit · 09/09/2013 09:43

soda i would not have denied that she kicked him and i never have. the first thing i done was say sorry to him i then told my daughter of for doing it. i then said to the man. you should have spoken to me though not shouted at her. i did not see the kick so i could have denied it but i did not.

OP posts:
TheOriginalSteamingNit · 09/09/2013 09:43

But her dp would be the child's parent, and as such have a responsibility to parent well, or try to - this man wasn't.

No-one's saying that shouting is ideal, but it will happen when people get kicked.

Also if we are saying we very much doubt she could possibly have been kicking him repeatedly, then we might as well say we very much doubt he shouted aggressively!

LoveWine · 09/09/2013 09:43

Oh dear lord....29 pages of he's wrong, you're wrong, your fault, his fault...you've all made your point, nobody is going to change their mind, just let it go now??

mrsjay · 09/09/2013 09:44

the Op isnt denying her daughter kicked the man Grinch she said that she did and it was naughty it is the man telling her off that she doesn't agree with

TheOriginalSteamingNit · 09/09/2013 09:44

Lovewine, meet AIBU; AIBU, meet LoveWine Grin

Original poster
ghostspirit · 09/09/2013 09:46

thankyou grincaninch.

mrsjay... how do you know she done it on purpose? how do you know he did not react badly ?

OP posts:
Liketochat1 · 09/09/2013 09:46

Some of the comments to the op are absurd. i think there's a lot of bored people commenting here for a reaction from her.