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Original poster

man shouted at my 3 year old for kicking

999 replies

ghostspirit · 08/09/2013 14:53

I took my children to chessington. and was in que for the ride. my 3 year old daughter had been kicking the man in front of us. ( i had not seen) He turned and shouted at her 'stop kicking me,don't you dare kick me' his tone and voulume of voice was a bit over the top. I told my daughter you don't kick its naughty. Then i told him she is 3 years old if there is a problem you talk to me not her. The woman who was with him said they have to be firm with their child because of some special needs he has and i said that may be your situation and you may need to talk to your son that way, But that does not mean its ok to talk to my child that way.

OP posts:
Original poster
ghostspirit · 09/09/2013 08:22

i think this i think that you was not there you never heard his voice... and yes he did come across like he needed anger management. he had a choice to talk to me he choice not to but made the choice to shout at a small child.

and as for drip feeding what a stupid thing to say so people can post say what they want to say and im not allowed to post a responce or give more info to try and make it clear. if i do that its drip feeding... so from then on everything i say is implyed to be bull....

OP posts:
Original poster
ghostspirit · 09/09/2013 08:24

we are not talking about another child we are talking about an adult

OP posts:
Awomansworth · 09/09/2013 08:24

Yesterday I shouted very loudly at some teenagers who were jumping on a big rope pirate ship and making it move when there were small children on it (including mine) who got very scared.

I would never shout at a 3 year old though, but there is a big difference between raised voice and shouting in anger.

One of my dc has Autism and some may find the way we talk to him quite firmly... but he responds better when given clear concise instructions and requests.

Sirzy · 09/09/2013 08:27

But it could have easily been a child she kicked or an adult with learning difficulties.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 09/09/2013 08:29

I am still laughing my arse off at poster who mentioned 'vicious assault' and the 'age of criminal responsibility"

Send the OP and her child to prison, that'll larn em.

SilverStreak7 · 09/09/2013 08:33

lol FanjoForTheMammaries

Sirzy , it was a THREE year old Child ,Do you think her Mother should be concerned she is raising a future psychopath ?

mynameisnotmichaelcaine · 09/09/2013 08:45

I for one don't think it is normal for an NT 3 year old to kick a total stranger for absolutely no reason.

Sallystyle · 09/09/2013 08:45

Lets be fair on the OP

We don't actually know that the man wasn't just a grumpy arse who wasn't actually kicked.

Perhaps DD actually just accidentally brushed him when she moved her foot or something. We have no proof that the child was kicking him on purpose do we? grumpy people who make a massive fuss over nothing do exist.

If she was holding her DD's hand I think she would have noticed her child kicking a man. The fact that she didn't notice could suggest that actually, she only accidentally brushed the man and he was an arse who blew it all out of proportion.

So before we hang OP out to dry perhaps we can think that maybe the man was being U because it really could go either way and we have no proof that the child was kicking the man on purpose.

Sirzy · 09/09/2013 08:47

Talk about exaggerating silver! I would be concerned though if my 3 year old was kicking strangers and would be stopping it straight away.

mynameisnotmichaelcaine · 09/09/2013 08:56

Yep, there's a Mum at school who says that her ds "probably did it as an accident." Uh-huh, keep telling yourself that love.

KittieCat · 09/09/2013 09:00

Wow! What a thread.

I'm truly surprised by the sheer number of people saying OP was unreasonable.

Her DD is THREE. Three year olds push boundaries and clearly OP's DD did something wrong (as OP has openly said). Despite this, it is cannot be acceptable for a grown up stranger to aggressively shout at a very small child.

If anyone shouted at my DS before approaching me to discipline him in circumstances like this I would be cross and would tell them they do not shout at my child. If, however, they got chippy with me then I would not be happy but at least we are equals.

I honestly cannot believe how many people would fail to protect their own child from a display of unnecessary anger by a stranger.

Children have to be taught right from wrong. Kicking is wrong this is obvious BUT so is shouting at another person before asking them to stop doing something you don't like.

Discipline is very important but then so is modelling good behaviour. The man should have spoken to OP before shouting at her DD. She was right to criticise his bad behaviour alongside that of her daughter.

SilverStreak7 · 09/09/2013 09:02

I exagerrate ? You seen the poster who thought police should be called to this violent assault ? Please !!

Retropear · 09/09/2013 09:05

Nope my dc have been told not to touch things in shops by a shop owner and told off when they did,after ignoring me repeatedly.

I told her "you did me a favour" they never did it again.I was rather grateful actually.

Shouting "stop kicking me" is not aggression and well deserved- get real.

Thepowerof3 · 09/09/2013 09:06

'Criminal responsibility' get a fucking life! If someone was kicking me in a queue I'd spin round angrily see it was a small child and tell their parent to stop them, simple as that really. 28 fucking pages!

mynameisnotmichaelcaine · 09/09/2013 09:08

"Fail to protect their own child". What from someone shouting at them for kicking? She was clearly so scarred by this violent assault on her ears that she went on to faff with this man's bag.

I despair.

LackingEnergy · 09/09/2013 09:08

Ghost - You know you don't have to stand so close to the people in front of you, you can leave a gap. There is no need for a massive gap just a small one. Your dc and the people in front of you will thank you for it.

You'll have the space, you may not need, to entertain your dc (some forms of entertainment can be done without a gap and no electrical devices) and the people in front won't be kicked or have their things touched.

Win win :)

Writerwannabe83 · 09/09/2013 09:10

silversteeak -someone said the police should have been called??? Grin. That's cheered me up this morning! Smile

TheOriginalSteamingNit · 09/09/2013 09:11

The thing is, even if it would have been better or more usual for him to remain a bit calmer and speak more quietly, and even if many of us would have done that, that's sort of the risk you take if you stand kicking people, or - more to the point - that's the risk you take if you allow your child to do that.

Not everyone is a nice person, or is inclined to reason gently with a small child who is repeatedly kicking them. Many people will just turn round angrily and shout. Now you can wish he would have spoken more kindly, but not everyone takes being kicked well. So I don't think it's reasonable for OP's main response here to be that she shouldn't have been shouted at.

The first thing, and the main thing, that shouldn't have been happening is the kicking - anything else is a consequence, unfortunate or not.

SilverStreak7 · 09/09/2013 09:12

lol Writerwannabe83 . Good , A laugh is good especially on a Monday :)

mynameisnotmichaelcaine · 09/09/2013 09:12

Totally agree TheOriginal. If this had happened to me, I would not have been posting a thread asking why a man shouted at my child, I would have been posting one about how to stop a NT child randomly kicking strangers!

Original poster
ghostspirit · 09/09/2013 09:20

Thankyou some of you. that is my whole point. why not talk to me. why shout at a small child. adults don't go about shouting at each other do they.

and as for the nots not normal behavour for a 3 year old comments... is it normal for a grown adult to shout at a 3 year old.

have you never heard of 3 years old doing thing they should not. its all learning and developing learning what right and wrong.

OP posts:
TheOriginalSteamingNit · 09/09/2013 09:25

Well, I dunno, Ghost, if you're going to make an analogy with how adults speak to adults.... what do you think an adult would do if they were standing in a queue being repeatedly kicked by another adult?

I think the kicking adult would be very lucky to get away with being shouted at, to be honest!

On the one hand, your post suggests that he shouldn't shout at her because he wouldn't shout at an adult (dubious!) - on the other, that he shouldn't shout at her because she's three. I don't think you can really have it both ways!

People aren't reacting in a measured, thoughtful way when they're being repeatedly kicked! As I say - it would be nice if you could expect everyone to speak as thoughtfully and gently to your child as you would, but they're not your child's parents: they're just someone who's been kicked.

The onus here is on you, not him, unfortunately.

Original poster
ghostspirit · 09/09/2013 09:26

ok so now i was allowing my child to kick someone ok....

lacking energy. the kick happen when we were on a level part of the ground. just before we got to the steps. when we got to the steps a few seconds later. there was an empty step between us and him. and then her put is bag there. which was when my daughter touched it....

OP posts:
mynameisnotmichaelcaine · 09/09/2013 09:27

"Doing things they should not". Yes, absolutely. But there is a line of doing things they should not, and most three year olds do not cross the bit of that line that says "do not behave violently towards people who are not even looking at you".

Is it normal for an adult to shout out in pain when they've been kicked? It's common, put it that way.

I would not have talked to you about it, because generally when I've been in that position and mentioned that someone's child has done something that they shouldn't have, I get an earful from the mother to add to whatever wrong has already been done. I am not saying that you would have done that OP, as I don't know you, but, sadly, it is not uncommon.

littlemisswise · 09/09/2013 09:28

As I have said before, Ghost, it is drip feeding when you leave out information in your OP then add it as the thread goes on. It is not a stupid thing to say!Hmm

I doubt very, very much the man shouted like he needed anger management tbh. I have had 3 year olds, I have worked with 3 year olds. If some one was that aggressive towards them their natural reaction is to avoid them, not to carry on antagonising them to see what their next reaction will be which is precisely what your DD did!

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