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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

man shouted at my 3 year old for kicking

999 replies

ghostspirit · 08/09/2013 14:53

I took my children to chessington. and was in que for the ride. my 3 year old daughter had been kicking the man in front of us. ( i had not seen) He turned and shouted at her 'stop kicking me,don't you dare kick me' his tone and voulume of voice was a bit over the top. I told my daughter you don't kick its naughty. Then i told him she is 3 years old if there is a problem you talk to me not her. The woman who was with him said they have to be firm with their child because of some special needs he has and i said that may be your situation and you may need to talk to your son that way, But that does not mean its ok to talk to my child that way.

OP posts:
LackingEnergy · 08/09/2013 23:30

What happened to keeping your children entertained during the 'boring' queuing parts of a day out?

My parents played the most ridiculous and varied games with us, even at that age. I keep ds, niece and nephew entertained on my own during the boring bits, failing to do so results in nice and nephew bickering. It's fairly obvious that children are bored easily and after having 4 of them the op should be well aware of this and have prepared for that.

Still think the entire thing could have been avoided with a bit of proactive parenting.

Kinda silly to let your dd get close enough to touch the mans bag after you failed to notice her kicking him. Especially since you were so worried about the big scary man shouting at her, he could well have done it again :-/

usualsuspect · 08/09/2013 23:35

Ghost has had a bigger kicking on this thread than the bloke in the queue.

Hats off to you ghost for coming back and defending yourself from the baying mob Flowers

Original poster
ghostspirit · 08/09/2013 23:37

dropyoursword. it was not just a firm not her shouted at her in an aggressive way.

no one has told me how i should have disciplined her part from taking her home and punshing my other children.

we could look at it the other way as well was the man showing his child and mine that its ok to go round shouting at people.

we dont often see adults going about shouting at each other. if i stepped on someone toe i hope they would just say ouch you stepped on my toe i would then say i was sorry. not have them shouting at me.

OP posts:
Original poster
ghostspirit · 08/09/2013 23:43

lackingenergy we were at chessington in queues that have barriers. so your pretty much on top of each other. as much as we can entertain try and pass the time whilst queing i still cant have my eye on her every second

OP posts:
Original poster
ghostspirit · 08/09/2013 23:47

usualsuspect thank you i love flowers ;)

i (think) maybe the woman may have thought it was a bit harsh im not sure but she got chatty and was saying to my daughter look at his shoes they have lights can you see them.

OP posts:
Fairdene · 09/09/2013 00:15

imogen I have plenty of understanding in particular because I've been there a million times myself. I'm no supermum but the OP has proffered no excuses. I was prepared to be sympathetic when OP suggested she had a tough time being on her own all the time but tbh given her silly responses to other posters I'm now much more inclined to be sympathetic to the poster who said it won't be long before one or other of these kids is tagged, if violence is condoned in this way, or at least not roundly condemned.

Original poster
ghostspirit · 09/09/2013 00:24

silly responses to silly posts.. there comes a point when you have to be silly or you would go mad

OP posts:
eretrew · 09/09/2013 00:39

The mans reaction was perfectly reasonable and the OP knows it.

timidviper · 09/09/2013 00:44

OP, I posted a question about 7 hours ago which said "Why would you ask AIBU when you are determined that you are and are not going to listen to anybody who says YABU even if that is almost everybody"? I can't believe that all this time later you are still arguing.

jacks365 · 09/09/2013 01:08

Op if my dd kicked someone and they turned and shouted at her I would be apologising far too much for her behaviour to tell him off for shouting.

I have 4 children and I would not hesitate to pull them all out of the queue to punish one for that behaviour. It would be a time out and stern warning then we could continue our day but there would be a consequence straight away.

PresidentServalan · 09/09/2013 01:30

It you were all crammed in then even more reason you should have been keeping an eye on her. Sorry but YABU.

ShellyBoobs · 09/09/2013 01:42

There are some nasty posts in this thread, that's one thing that's for sure.

I do think YABU, though, OP, as does just about everyone else, it seems.

I'm not really sure what you stand to gain from this thread as you keep coming back for more but are totally unwilling to accept that perhaps YABU.

ThunderbumsMum · 09/09/2013 02:05

Gosh, I can't stand other people's children but even I wouldn't shout at a 3 year old (well, I would shout at my own, probably, but not someone else's). What the hell is wrong with all of you? You do not shout at a small child. You ask them to stop and if they don't, you punch them in the face get the parent's attention and ask them to deal with it. There really is no need for a grown man to shout at that little girl, he sounds like he has some anger management issues.

ThunderbumsMum · 09/09/2013 02:05

Oh, yaNbu

confuddledDOTcom · 09/09/2013 02:32

I have kids kicking and pulling many crutches when walking or trying to walk off with them when I'm sat down, I'd never shout at them though unless they were old enough to clunk with one know better. my daughter has a habit of walking off with one over her shoulder just as I lift it up, I don't yell at her either and she's special needs (awful excuse from the woman!) I have yelled at adults who think they're a fashion accessory Angry

Yes you should have been watching your daughter better but it's not her fault you weren't, he had no right yelling at a 3yo and as parents of an sen child you'd think they'd have more tact than to do that! yell say the parents for not paying attention to the child! but them again, why not tell the parents before you get to the point of losing your temper?

turnipsoup · 09/09/2013 02:38

Well said ThunderbumsMum.

Yes it is perfectly alright for anyone to talk to my children about things they are doing wrong- but not to shout at them.

I haven't read all 27 pages so this may have been said before..

ghostspirit- if my child had been kicking someone I would not have immediately yanked them out of the queue (regardless of whether I had other children there or not) I would have explained why that type of behaviour was unnaceptable and given them a warning that if they continued with that behaviour we would then be going out of the queue, and then followed it through if I had to. And been very apologetic to whoever they were kicking.

However if someone had shouted at my child I would have been furious, and would probably have followed it up with a passive aggresive talk to her about why it is wrong to shout at other people as well.

But then I am not a perfect mum by any means!

Retropear · 09/09/2013 06:48

Oh for goodness sake there is shouting and shouting.

A "hey stop doing that" is perfectly fine and deserved.Even my very mild mannered gentle dp would have reacted like that.

It's life.If you hurt others you will get an unpleasant reaction not to your liking.

Retropear · 09/09/2013 07:00

Oh and I had 3 under 18 months and have queued for many things,never once would they have behaved like that or gone unpunished if they had.

There is no excuse and the fact the op keeps attempting to do so speaks volumes.

Runningchick123 · 09/09/2013 07:11

The OPs dd was clearly so incredibly traumatised by the nasty shouty man that after her telling off she went on to touch his bag? Most children would be clinging onto their mum/dad if they had to stand in a queue next to a person who has frightened them and wouldn't dream of touching the persons belongings through fear of being shouted at again. The fact that she was clearly not bothered enough to avoid this man and his belongings might have a lot to do with the fact that mummy appeased her after the man had shouted, making her think she had done no wrong and that mummy will back her up if she upsets the man again.

This could have been a very different story: I was stood in a queue with my children at chessington when a teenager turned around and punched my three year old hard in the face. The parents told me he was severely autistic and had learning difficulties and that he had responded to my dd kicking him several times, which had caused him to become distressed and retaliate in the only way he knows how. The parents were very apologetic and upset at what their son had done but I don't care, my daughter is three years old and I don't care if their son has autism, they shouldn't let him go to busy places if he can't be controlled. AIBU?
That could easily have been my son. He would be okay if nobody bothered him, but could harm somebody who insists on repeatedly kicking him. I would be horrified if he harmed anyone, let alone a 3 year old, but I would also think that the incident needn't have happened if the parent hadnt allowed their 3 year old to repeatedly kick my son. My teenager has a mental age of less than 3, so technically i could argue that hes more entitled to punch a 3 year old who kicked him because he isnt 'old enough' to know better. fortunately i would never take that approach, but Sometimes people contribute to the responses of others.

Moral to the story: you don't know how other people might react so its best not to allow little children to bother other people by kicking them/ hitting them etc. if you think your child might behave in this way then its probably best not to be in a situation where they have the opportunity to do this. 99% of people might not react in a way that you don't like, but the 1% of risk probably makes it not a worthwhile risk.

AuchAyethenoo · 09/09/2013 07:13

I've not read every page (27!!!!) was the PP's child in a buggy?

Not that it changes the fact that she did kick, but it does shed light on the intention. A child sitting in a buggy swinging her legs against something/someone compared to a standing child raising her leg with the intention of kicking to cause hurt or injury.

Runningchick123 · 09/09/2013 07:20

No, she wasn't in the buggy as the OP explained that they don't allow buggies in the queue. So the child wasn't just idly swinging her legs.

Lazyjaney · 09/09/2013 07:29

Hats off to you ghost for coming back and defending yourself from the baying mob

I think a lot of people here have had to deal with the OPs form of parenting every so often, and this thread highlights the sheer frustration this brings.

Sirzy · 09/09/2013 07:30

Very good post runningchick and perhaps something the OP really needs to bear in mind for future days out.

littlemisswise · 09/09/2013 07:48

Excellent post Runningchick.

I am still of the opinion that the man was not shouting, yelling or aggressive because the OP's DD didn't cry . I think he raised his voice and was stern and that is what happens when you kick someone.

Viking1 · 09/09/2013 08:04

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