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Original poster

man shouted at my 3 year old for kicking

999 replies

ghostspirit · 08/09/2013 14:53

I took my children to chessington. and was in que for the ride. my 3 year old daughter had been kicking the man in front of us. ( i had not seen) He turned and shouted at her 'stop kicking me,don't you dare kick me' his tone and voulume of voice was a bit over the top. I told my daughter you don't kick its naughty. Then i told him she is 3 years old if there is a problem you talk to me not her. The woman who was with him said they have to be firm with their child because of some special needs he has and i said that may be your situation and you may need to talk to your son that way, But that does not mean its ok to talk to my child that way.

OP posts:
Bearbehind · 08/09/2013 22:36

Oops- being kick by her!

duchessandscruffy · 08/09/2013 22:37

The reason that people are continuing this thread and getting exasperated is not because they want to bully the op Hmm but because she is acting like a petulant dog with a fucking bone!

friday16 · 08/09/2013 22:39

"he should have just said in a firm voice please do not kick me, the op i am sure would have apologised"

If we're playing "should" then the OP's daughter should have kept her feet to herself. Once you start being a pain, you don't get to set the rules for other people's responses. Based on this thread, a rapid and genuine apology from the OP seems a trifle unlikely, too.

Original poster
ghostspirit · 08/09/2013 22:41

bearbehind what i meant was that people are going on about how my daughter was wrong to kick which i have agreed that is wrong.

but people also seem to think its right to punish my other children for what my dauhter done.

2 wrongs dont make a right. he should not have shouted at her he should have spoken to me.

was he sent home for shouting no and shouting is not right either

OP posts:
FreudiansSlipper · 08/09/2013 22:41

ffs the child is 3

sometimes children especially young children do not do what is expected of them

well my child does not always and neither do any of the children i know

LegoDragon · 08/09/2013 22:42

Chessington is stressful enough! I have a non kicking three year old but dd1 kicked and toddlers can be fast little devils- sly kickers. DD1 was always caught (usually before she managed anything) and punished and eventually stopped, but they are like ninjas. You can't see everything- especially with four kids to contend with, and if you hold their hand and turn your head for even a second, some children can and will kick. I'm not going to judge you for that, some DC kick and it's human- we can't watch the, every second. I think you should have been able to notice right away after though?

Anyway, I think you did the best you could. Is she the youngest? I wouldn't want to encourage sibling pressure or resentment in that way at all, being strapped to the buggy is fine I think, and being made to apologise to the man. If it was possible, then of course leaving and so on might have been better, but I think punishing three others isn't good. Yes, you could explain it and they will know it is her fault- that doesn't mean they won't feel they have missed out.

Original poster
ghostspirit · 08/09/2013 22:43

friday16 i have already said several times that he got an apology and that my daughter was told of

OP posts:
Original poster
ghostspirit · 08/09/2013 22:45

legodragon. thank you. yes she is my youngest

OP posts:
Original poster
ghostspirit · 08/09/2013 22:46

scruffy. woof woof

OP posts:
SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 08/09/2013 22:46

FreudiansSlipper - yes, the man should have spoken firmly, instead of raising his voice, but I don't think it is that unusual to react crossly, and loudly, when kicked.

Original poster
ghostspirit · 08/09/2013 22:48

slipper yes i would have said sorry. well did anyway. but there would have been better feelings.

OP posts:
PrimalLass · 08/09/2013 22:53

*I think some posters on this thread are enjoying kicking the OP a little too much.

OP did her best in the situation.

I've never read such a load of sanctimonious bollocks in my life.*

Yup. The little girl is 3 and was probably scuffing/swinging her foot about rather than kicking him.

FreudiansSlipper · 08/09/2013 22:53

i think it is if you are kicked by a small child

i am sure it has happened to most of us and is so inconsequential that we have hardly given it a second thought

Bearbehind · 08/09/2013 22:54

I'm giving up with this now- you clearly are going to take no notice of anyone who tells you that defending your child's behaviour is acceptable.

To even put in writing that you think the man should have been sent home for admonishing your child, for behaviour which you should have noticed, is completely beyond my comprehension.

Can't help but thinking that tag which you mentioned earlier is only a matter of time for one of your brood if that is your mindset.

Jinsei · 08/09/2013 22:55

I think some posters on this thread are enjoying kicking the OP a little too much.

Yes, indeed - it's like playground bullying. :(

Some of the posts on this thread are very unedifying. I do think the OP was being a bit unreasonable, as I think it would be easy to overreact if someone kept kicking you, but no way did the OP or her dd deserve the kind of character assassination that then ensued.

All those who piled in and joined in with the metaphorical kicking should be ashamed of themselves. Unlike the OP's 3yo, you're all adults and should know better!

imogenmairead · 08/09/2013 22:58

I think he should have said to you that your daughter is kicking me, if it was me, I would apologise myself and get her to apologise. however, the way he reacted, I would still have got her to say sorry, then though, I would have said to him not to talk to MY daughter like that again she is my responsibility not yours. I apologize for her hurling you but the reaction was uncalled for... That man knew nothing about the girl (I am not saying she is but..) the girl could have been around domestic abuse and the shouting at her could have terrified her. TOTALLY uncalled for. I would have said more than you did so YANBU!!!!Wink

imogenmairead · 08/09/2013 23:00

things happen that distract you, you should all understand that surely, you can't possibly be surveiling your child(ren) 24/7. you are all making ridiculous and arguable points

Cravey · 08/09/2013 23:01

Try controlling your child op you might find that people won't shout at it then.

imogenmairead · 08/09/2013 23:08

oh and stop saying that the other children will make heir feelings clear clear to he girl... for crying out loud she is three years old. she won't understand it will make no difference. even if it did, only for he shortest of time Angry

kali110 · 08/09/2013 23:13

Kind of immature saying the man didnt get sent home for shouting. Most people are not saying that op condones her daughters behaviour, just that it werent handled very well.

Fairdene · 08/09/2013 23:15

You may not be able to watch your children 24/7 but when you're out in public with them, so a fraction of your daily life, you certainly ought to be able to keep an eye out, especially on the youngest. It's not a difficult task, it's something any ordinary parent should be able to do in normal circumstances, which it appears these were.

skittycat · 08/09/2013 23:18

Having not heard the tone of the mans shouting exactly, i find this difficult to comment on...

...however..

...IMO I do not think the man was wrong to tell her off, even if it was a firm telling off. I don't think shouting is acceptable though, but do understand that sometimes it is a natural reaction to pain REGARDLESS of who inflicts the pain.

Not every one has the same tolerance levels as each other, so he may very well have only been kicked once, but once is once too many. He may well be short tempered, but it does not mean he should have to put up with your child kicking him.

I can understand you not wanting to punish your child in a way that punished the others, as such, i thought that a firm telling off in the queue would have been acceptable if it is not something she has done before (I have told my nephew off before for kicking (with no other punishments) and he has not done it again) but if it was a recurring thing that she does I would have probably informed the child of impending punishment (e.g.. toys taken away when get home etc) so that she is aware of consequences to her behaviour.

So in short... If he shouted in a threatening manner then he shouldnt have, if he 'shouted' in a way that was actually just a slightly raised voice and firm tone then that is fine.

ThankGodForDummies · 08/09/2013 23:23

Wow, shocked at the responses on this!

Agree with whoever said they were baffled by the consensus that a three year old should show self control whereas it's ok for a fully grown man to lose control and shout.

Anyway. It's hard to say. Your DD shouldn't have been kicking. I do think you should have apologised first rather than having a go. But I also think he shouldn't have shouted, so you were within your rights to say he should have spoken to you.

DropYourSword · 08/09/2013 23:27

The thing is ghost what you personally believe is different from the VAST majority here on what's reasonable. I'm pretty certain he would have spoken to her in a loud firm voice. I'd you think that's not acceptable that's your opinion. But when pretty much everyone else states they think it was reasonable the right thing for you to do is hear that and learn from it. You keep repeating that you told her it wasn't ok to kick, but you really don't sound like you know how to effectively discipline your child. I think you need to accept that were this situation to happen again, any reasonable adult would have raised their voice to your child and if you don't like that then you need to figure out what you do to ensure it never happens. There's been many other people who thought they were in the right who've posted on AIBU, and then accepted that their perception isn't held by the vast majority. No-one is saying it's ok for a random stranger to randomly shot at your child, but if she was kicking him then a firm No is definitely in order.

imogenmairead · 08/09/2013 23:30

when you are out in public it can be harder to watch all your children, there is so much going on and there's a bigger space for them o spread out. at home all four in the lounge for example, you can see what happens very clearly so fairdene I disagree with you completely you need more compassion and understanding I think.

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