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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

man shouted at my 3 year old for kicking

999 replies

ghostspirit · 08/09/2013 14:53

I took my children to chessington. and was in que for the ride. my 3 year old daughter had been kicking the man in front of us. ( i had not seen) He turned and shouted at her 'stop kicking me,don't you dare kick me' his tone and voulume of voice was a bit over the top. I told my daughter you don't kick its naughty. Then i told him she is 3 years old if there is a problem you talk to me not her. The woman who was with him said they have to be firm with their child because of some special needs he has and i said that may be your situation and you may need to talk to your son that way, But that does not mean its ok to talk to my child that way.

OP posts:

tiredoflondonnottiredoflife · 08/09/2013 21:52

Not read this gigantic thread but I had the same situation in reverse recently in a queue. A small child kicked me on the ankle (only once).
I yelped (well only a bit) as it hurt and then rubbed it. The mother didn't say sorry or ask her dc to but muttered 'oh for god's sake it didn't hurt that much. She's only two'. How the f* did she know whether it hurt or not.
GRRRR!

littlemisswise · 08/09/2013 21:52

Everything is someone else's fault, not your DD's for being badly behaved and not your's for not keeping your eyes on her.

Turniptwirl · 08/09/2013 21:53

Oh sorry OP I forgot that in life we only respond to people who agree with us all the time

Sirzy · 08/09/2013 21:54

Well she must have touched it quite a lot then for him to feel a 3 year old playing with a badge!

mumoftwolilboys · 08/09/2013 21:54

For all the posters who claims their children never kicked or ever will kick, I have seen quite a few where the children hit or kick, and their parents were just completely unaware, when it happens to my DC I usually just pull my DC away or stop the other children getting hurt. Not a confrontational person so I don't normally go up to the parents later on.

I am normally 'kicking myself' for not being brave enough to do so. Next time I might do so they can't come on threads and post that their children never do such horrific things.

veryhairymary · 08/09/2013 21:55

Sorry, I thought the bag thing happened first before the kicking.

Did he put the bag down between him and your daughter as a boundary to stop her kicking him again?

Writerwannabe83 · 08/09/2013 21:55

Your 3 year old must have long legs to be kicking a guy who is 2 steps above her- lucky thing. A future model perhaps??

Original poster

ghostspirit · 08/09/2013 21:56

youthecat i can see your point about it needing to be immediate. but there was nothing i could do apart from to tell her off. which i did. as i said im not willing to punish my son for what she done. and also the fact that is should be immediate shows leaving the park would not have worked time we got out she would have not seen it as a punishment and would have been excited about the train....so what should i have done?

OP posts:

mumoftwolilboys · 08/09/2013 21:56

oh wasn't clear, I meant "when another child hit or kick my child, or other children, I pull my DC or other children away from the child hurting them. "

Fairdene · 08/09/2013 21:57

Problem is that the kid did assault the guy, and viciously. The fact that she's below the age of criminal responsibility is one reason why the mother should take responsibility herself and deal with the incident adequately. Which she manifestly didn't. Even if she chooses not to recognise that this is very disturbed behaviour from a three year old, let's hope that she at least tells the four kids' dad to come on the next jolly to help her out so that some other poor dad of a sn kid isn't subjected to a kicking by her unruly three year old kid.

YouTheCat · 08/09/2013 21:58

My ds kicked. Kicked seven shades of shite out of me on a daily basis, but he has very severe SN and would never be put in a position where he could harm a member of the public.

Dd has never kicked anyone.

I think I can safely say that she will never kick anyone standing in a queue as she's 18.

kali110 · 08/09/2013 21:58

I also thought op said she kicked him after touching his bag. I did feel bit sorry for op but not so now. Really does come across now that there will be no consequences

PasswordProtected · 08/09/2013 21:59

Why should the man manage a situation that you should have had under control?

SilverStreak7 · 08/09/2013 21:59

Oh get a life Fairdene, ,The child is THREE, The OP had other children with her, she did tell her off and punish her by putting her in buggy , Most of you people think you are Holier than Thou , ,, so perfect !

ilovesooty · 08/09/2013 22:00

So even after the kicking you were insufficiently in control of her to stop her touching other people's things? I would have thought that if you'd gone home because of her behaviour your son might just have made his feelings clear to her...

YouTheCat · 08/09/2013 22:01

X posted.

I think the way to go is to keep a very close eye on your dd whilst out and about until she's able to understand that kicking people/touching people's stuff is not on. It'll be a phase and she'll get it eventually.

I think it's always best to remove the child from the situation and yes that might inconvenience the other kids but it won't be forever and she will learn.

Better doing it now rather than her still kicking out when she's 5.

Hassled · 08/09/2013 22:02

This really is MN at its most barking.

How on earth was it a vicious assault? How on earth is criminal responsibility in any way relevant? The kid was 3, FFS. She shouldn't have kicked, the OP knows that, he shouldn't have shouted aggressively at a small child, and he probably knows that. This is a complete non-story.

Original poster

ghostspirit · 08/09/2013 22:02

veryhairymary and writerwannabe83 by the time the bag thing had happend there had been a bit of moving about. she had kicked him before the steps. maybe he did put the bag there to stop anymore kicking i dont know.

and no its not right that my daughter touched the bag and she did get told don't touch. but i cant tell her of before she does something.

OP posts:

Fairdene · 08/09/2013 22:04

Don't be so fay OP. Of course you could have whisked them all out and if the siblings were pissed off with the three year old then so be it. No way no how should you have continued with the ride.

This sounds like a kid with problems. My DD4 had one of these to deal with at primary school. Kid was always kicking off, hitting and punching for no good reason. Well, he did have reason (clearly stuff was like that at home), but no one taught him boundaries except for the teacher. She shouted. And the HT excluded. And he had very few friends at all. I felt sorry for him but pretty meh about the parents. He wasn't a happy kid, not at all.

Turniptwirl · 08/09/2013 22:04

I agree that if your son had to differ because of princess' bad behaviour he would have added to the punishment by making his feelings clear and she would be much less likely to repeat it than getting rewarded by mummy sticking up for her, getting to go on the ride and having a fun day out

Turniptwirl · 08/09/2013 22:05

*suffer, not differ

Floggingmolly · 08/09/2013 22:08

You could have put her in the buggy, though, while you were actually still in the queue and not wait until after she'd been on the ride.
How did she realise this was a consequence for kicking?

ilovesooty · 08/09/2013 22:09

I suspect that the OP wasn't just influenced by the impact on her other children. After all she did mention that the day out had cost a lot of money.
I'm pretty sure the siblings would have made her understand the punishment if the OP had taken the family home.

Original poster

ghostspirit · 08/09/2013 22:09

turmipwirl my children would not have been upset with her but with me because i would have made the choice to go home it would have been my choice to ruin the day. and there is no way that i would punish my chidren for something one of the others did.

OP posts:

Original poster

ghostspirit · 08/09/2013 22:10

floggingmolly your not allowed to have buggys in the ques you have to leave them in the buggy parks on each ride

OP posts:

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