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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

man shouted at my 3 year old for kicking

999 replies

ghostspirit · 08/09/2013 14:53

I took my children to chessington. and was in que for the ride. my 3 year old daughter had been kicking the man in front of us. ( i had not seen) He turned and shouted at her 'stop kicking me,don't you dare kick me' his tone and voulume of voice was a bit over the top. I told my daughter you don't kick its naughty. Then i told him she is 3 years old if there is a problem you talk to me not her. The woman who was with him said they have to be firm with their child because of some special needs he has and i said that may be your situation and you may need to talk to your son that way, But that does not mean its ok to talk to my child that way.

OP posts:

TwoTearsInABucket · 08/09/2013 21:23

I think the original post is open to interpretation and its hard to write a post without going into long winded detail but still getting your exact point across.
So from what I understand it was a really packed queue, the guy in front put his bag down as he was having a chat and a 3 year old girl touched a pink sticker on it. Not a surprise that a 3 year old girl did that. Guy gave her evils for touching his bag. We don't know any other consequences.
Then 3 year old girl kicked guy. It sounds like that it might have been only once and not on purpose. He shouted rather unnecessarily loudly.
Ghost apologised, told her 3 year old off and said to the guy he should have spoken to her rather than shouting at her 3 year old. She also gave discipline by putting 3 year old in buggy.
So, ghost did apologise and she punished her daughter. She doesn't need parenting classes for putting her dd in a buggy. What's wrong with that?
She obviously wasn't on her phone and seems to have only had her eye off her dd for a minute. She was holding her hand.
Ghost YAnBu for thinking man overreacted.
I watched my dh with my ds then 4 in a very busy queue in McDonald's. dh didn't notice that ds was accidentally kicked the woman in front. Ds was really hungry and half rolling around on the floor. Dh was oblivious. Ds wasn't "viciously attacking" the woman in front nor is he a thug. It was accidental. Sometimes in tight queues these things happen. Ds had never kicked anyone on purpose.
Maybe similar happened in ghost's case.

Original poster

ghostspirit · 08/09/2013 21:23

there were conseuences she was told of and made to be in her buggy for a while which she hates... as pointed out earlyer if i had said we are going home she would then have got excited about the train. so that would not work. and would punish my other children. that not fair on them.

OP posts:

Floggingmolly · 08/09/2013 21:25

She wasn't so intimidated by the giant that she refrained from kicking him, was she?

Original poster

ghostspirit · 08/09/2013 21:28

thankyou twotearsinabucket... everything you said was spot on apart from the bag bit she touched the bag after she had kicked and he had shouted. there were steps he put the bag one step from my daughter and she touched it.

OP posts:

Balloonist · 08/09/2013 21:28

So shouting at screaming at and punishing a child makes them better behaved. I see lots of this daily in my local shopping centre, outside the local school. I expect a drop in the crime rate soon.

Capitola · 08/09/2013 21:28

You were both in the wrong, imo.

And what is a que?

Original poster

ghostspirit · 08/09/2013 21:29

capitola yoiu tell me is it que or cue? or are they both wrong

OP posts:

Balloonist · 08/09/2013 21:32

Op is dyslexic.

It is queue ghost.

ilovesooty · 08/09/2013 21:32

So she was so intimidated after the kicking and the stern telling off that she touched his bag? And she was able to reach that from a buggy without your being able to stop her?

Original poster

ghostspirit · 08/09/2013 21:34

thankyou balloonist queue... i will forget time i have post this comment.

OP posts:

OldLadyKnowsNothing · 08/09/2013 21:35

Queue. Cue is what an actor gets when it's time to say his/her lines.

Original poster

ghostspirit · 08/09/2013 21:36

ilovesooty she was not in the buggy at that point i was standing on steps. she was put in her buggy after the ride. we had been quing for 30 mins. and i was not willing to punish my son for something my daughter had done. why put a bad down infront of a 3 year old. why put it behinde him where she is standing why not infront of him

OP posts:

Original poster

ghostspirit · 08/09/2013 21:38

to me que ane cue both sound the same queue would not have even entered my head to be honest

OP posts:

Capitola · 08/09/2013 21:40

I actually googled que as I wasn't being facetious (although I normally am) and thought it must be an alternative spelling!

But no, it is queue.

ilovesooty · 08/09/2013 21:41

So your daughter wasn't even put in the buggy until after she'd enjoyed the ride? Hardly a consequence then.

And it was the man's fault for not putting his bag in the right place well out of reach of your daughter who'd already kicked him? You have no responsibility for teaching her not to touch?

Lazyjaney · 08/09/2013 21:43

why put a bad down infront of a 3 year old. why put it behinde him where she is standing why not infront of him

Silly man, putting his bag down. The bastard.

In fact, how dare he just be standing right there where he can be kicked, its clearly all his fault.

I think as a society we need to go back to allowing other adults to upbraid badly disciplined kids.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 08/09/2013 21:43

Ghostspirit - do,you accept that someone who has been kicked, probably several times, might not react in the most exemplary, calm fashion?

timidviper · 08/09/2013 21:43

About 4 hours ago I asked you why you would ask AIBU if you are determined you are not and will not accept anybody else's viewpoint? That still seems to be a valid question.

I also said "It is not nice to be shown up, particularly in public but the grown up thing is to apologise, discipline your child and move on. It happens to most people at some point in a child's life and teaches them to behave better and us, as parents, to have eyes in the back of our heads." I think that is your problem, you were embarrassed and want to come on here and everybody say there there, nasty man, etc.

Regardless of this man's mood, it seems as though your daughter was being irritating to him and you did not respond quickly enough or as firmly as most other mothers on here would. It is up to you whether you take any of this on board or not but it appears that you are convinced you are right regardless of the numbers disagreeing with you.

Original poster

ghostspirit · 08/09/2013 21:45

i did tell her not to touch... and yes he chose to put in front of her what sort of person puts a bag behinde them?

and as i have said over and over again i am not willing to punish my son for something he did not do

OP posts:

YouTheCat · 08/09/2013 21:45

At 3, consequences need to be pretty immediate or the child will not understand why they are getting punished.

After the ride was no punishment. More likely your dd would think she was punished for going on the ride or whatever immediately preceded going in the pushchair.

Sirzy · 08/09/2013 21:46

If the bag was behind him how did he see her touch it?

kali110 · 08/09/2013 21:48

Def think yabu now op. should people not put their bags near your chid incase she wants to touch them? No you teach your children its not ok to touch other peoples things.

Original poster

ghostspirit · 08/09/2013 21:49

wolefgenius we dont know if he was kicked several times... i don't have to agree with anyone. even more so when they twist things. even people ask me questions is a proper was if out any nasty or sarcastic words then i will answer. if they are nasty towards me or my child then i will not answer

OP posts:

ilovesooty · 08/09/2013 21:50

She didn't as YouTheCat said receive any consequences for her poor behaviour
However I bet she learns pretty quickly that she can do as she likes because if one child misbehaves you simply won't take any action.

Original poster

ghostspirit · 08/09/2013 21:51

sirzy maybe he felt it being touched. we wee on steps he was on one step below that step him bag then the next step my daughter

OP posts:

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