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AIBU?

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Original poster

man shouted at my 3 year old for kicking

999 replies

ghostspirit · 08/09/2013 14:53

I took my children to chessington. and was in que for the ride. my 3 year old daughter had been kicking the man in front of us. ( i had not seen) He turned and shouted at her 'stop kicking me,don't you dare kick me' his tone and voulume of voice was a bit over the top. I told my daughter you don't kick its naughty. Then i told him she is 3 years old if there is a problem you talk to me not her. The woman who was with him said they have to be firm with their child because of some special needs he has and i said that may be your situation and you may need to talk to your son that way, But that does not mean its ok to talk to my child that way.

OP posts:
candycoatedwaterdrops · 08/09/2013 20:22

Friday OP has said she is dyslexic, I don't think commenting on the way she writes is helpful or even polite.

Original poster
ghostspirit · 08/09/2013 20:25

sorry friday16 it was not clear i meant that it must have been aggressive for people to have looked...

OP posts:
SilverStreak7 · 08/09/2013 20:26

Is Sirzy a Lawyer ? Its not a court room its a forum .

MinesAPintOfTea · 08/09/2013 20:27

But people will look at anything in a queue, it doesn't mean he was behaving unreasonably. You've said he shouted, but not that he particularly threatened her or did so for unduly long.

He isn't required to be patient with your DD. To reign in his response, yes, but not to be patient with her when she is kicking him.

EweHaveGoatToBeKiddin · 08/09/2013 20:28

I think it all depends on how forceful the man was with her.

If it was a firm telling off - fine.

If it was a finger in her face, yelling till he was red in his face, shouting so loud as to draw the whole queue's attention - not ok.

My feeling is that it was just a firm telling off.

I hope you apologised to the man, explained to your daughter why it's wrong to kick and got her to apologise as well (assuming she can talk of course).

My daughter has SN and i'm forever apologising on her behalf and asking her to apologise for touching/kissing strangers. She doesn't understand why she has to say sorry, as she doesn't see that she's doing anything wrong, but i still make her say it. And then i explain each and every time why what she did was inappropriate.

Sirzy · 08/09/2013 20:29

Is Sirzy a Lawyer ? Its not a court room its a forum

What?

I can only assume you are reffering to the fact I noted that the OP was adding more and more details to suit her story as she was going? What is wrong with that? If people are going to drip feed and change the story then people will pick up on that.

Original poster
ghostspirit · 08/09/2013 20:29

usualsuspect i dont drink but im very tempted haha

OP posts:
YouTheCat · 08/09/2013 20:30

Ewe, you sound lovely. That kind of response would just make me want to interact with your dd. Smile

SeaSickSal · 08/09/2013 20:31

I think a very firm telling off when she started messing with his bag might have prevented all of this.

OP I know some people have been nasty and gone over the top on this thread, but I would start thinking about perhaps adopting a firmer parenting style.

It does seem like your daughter lacks some boundaries (kicking, touching strangers things). Unfortunately I think that really you have to accept a large portion of the blame for it. If you have a child who goes around doing things like this the law of averages says that eventually they are going to run into someone who is going to pull them up on it.

If you don't want it to happen again I think you need to start looking at the way you're disciplining her from the ground up so you can make her understand that things like fiddling with other peoples stuff and kicking isn't on. Otherwise it's just going to happen again.

StickEmUp · 08/09/2013 20:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
ghostspirit · 08/09/2013 20:32

sirzy if people say things then im going to respond. that does not mean im adding to suit

OP posts:
EweHaveGoatToBeKiddin · 08/09/2013 20:32

Buzzard - I got punched in the stomach by someone's pleasant little 2/3yr old today. I said nothing in case he was sn.

It doesn't matter whether or not he has SN. He really hurt you and could have caused a bad injury. You ought to have alerted his parent/guardian.

As i said previously, my daughter has SN. And i discipline her for wrongdoings just the same as most other parents discipline and won't tolerate wrongdoings from their NT children. I'd be mortified if my daughter behaved like that out of my sight (at school for example) and everyone just let her carry on because she has additional needs.

Original poster
ghostspirit · 08/09/2013 20:35

stickemup thank you :) im not really worried about it. I dont think they are true reponces i think they are game playing reply's

OP posts:
Fairdene · 08/09/2013 20:37

OP you still haven't answered my earlier question(s) as to why you think your three year old decided to perpetrate a vicious assault on a random stranger who was out for a day and presumably acting harmlessly with his partner and kid. It's not normal behaviour for a three year old, it's vicious and nasty. Why do you think she's that way? Or don't you think that aspect is worth addressing?

Balloonist · 08/09/2013 20:38

Although I haven't read the whole thread I am shocked you've been given such a roasting.

YANBU to feel that the man's reaction was over the top. He should have spoken to you and not your three year old in the first instance. He didn't know whether your child might have had SN like his own child and in any case she is only three. Children do play up when they are bored and tired and I'd have though most parents would have been a little more sympathetic. I don't believe for one moment you would have let your child go on kicking someone and you did confirm straight away that you had told them your DD off.

I think the fact that the man's partner explained why he had spoken in that manner does suggest she wanted to defend his actions.

My DP doesn't like me to shout at my DC at all as he believes shouting equals a loss of control (and believe me I have done it as I know what it's like to be pushed to the limit by them sometimes).

usualsuspect · 08/09/2013 20:38

Ghost, just step away from the thread.

Cake and Brew

Let the case for the prosecution retire for the night.

StickEmUp · 08/09/2013 20:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

usualsuspect · 08/09/2013 20:40

I'm laughing now and imaging all these mnetters in wigs and robes.

Bearbehind · 08/09/2013 20:40

Yep, everyone that disagrees with you is game playing OP Hmm

Your daughter can do no wrong and anyone who questions that is clearly the one with the problem.

I'd love to see how this mentality pans out in the long term.

mynameisnotmichaelcaine · 08/09/2013 20:40

My friend's son kicked me once and I shouted at him. It blooming hurt! He was 4 at the time. Tbh I think it was better coming from me than from his Mum, because he needs to learn that not everybody is prepared to accept appalling behaviour, and that they will not necessarily react by saying "oh, don't do that darling, that's naughty" which, frankly, makes me want to weep.

OP he was perfectly within his rights to shout - kicking really hurts. I don't actually believe that shouting is violence. If someone shouted at me because I'd kicked them, it would not be them who was being abusive.

usualsuspect · 08/09/2013 20:42

When did OP say her DD could do no wrong?

StickEmUp · 08/09/2013 20:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

duchessandscruffy · 08/09/2013 20:43

What so because the majority of people on this thread don't agree with you, they are 'game playing'?

Most people on this thread believe that you are wrong but it has utterly fallen on deaf ears (which is why I don't understand why you posted here in the first place). I just hope that the bubble you live in isn't burst in the future by something more severe than a man raising his voice at your child.

Original poster
ghostspirit · 08/09/2013 20:48

by game playing i meant the twisting and the nastyness of things. if the questions are genuine then there would be no need for the types of post on this thread. just ask without the nastyness. towards me or my child

OP posts:
YouTheCat · 08/09/2013 20:49

No game playing here either.

I just wanted to get a full and accurate idea of the situation.

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