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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

man shouted at my 3 year old for kicking

999 replies

ghostspirit · 08/09/2013 14:53

I took my children to chessington. and was in que for the ride. my 3 year old daughter had been kicking the man in front of us. ( i had not seen) He turned and shouted at her 'stop kicking me,don't you dare kick me' his tone and voulume of voice was a bit over the top. I told my daughter you don't kick its naughty. Then i told him she is 3 years old if there is a problem you talk to me not her. The woman who was with him said they have to be firm with their child because of some special needs he has and i said that may be your situation and you may need to talk to your son that way, But that does not mean its ok to talk to my child that way.

OP posts:
YouTheCat · 08/09/2013 20:00

You're the one adding bits here and there to suit.

Bearbehind · 08/09/2013 20:01

Again, I would like you to explain why you feel it is not OK for a person who has just been kicked, not to reprimand the person doing the kicking?

SubliminalMassaging · 08/09/2013 20:02

If your DD was kicking him absent mindedly and accidentally then he was BU. If she was kicking him maliciously and deliberately then you were BU.

Viking1 · 08/09/2013 20:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

InSpaceNooneCanHearYouScream · 08/09/2013 20:02

Tbh the bloke does sound like an arsehole,now we've heard the whole story. In your OP you said your dd had been 'kicking the man in front'. You made it sound like she behaves like this a lot and all you did was say 'kicking isn't nice' I think that's why you received an angry response from other posters.
I was saying that talking nicely and saying 'kicking isn't nice' doesn't cut any ice with a brattish 3 yr old. I was NOT suggesting your dd is brattish. I think you're taking the replies too personally.
If your daughter was kicking in a nasty way, I would have shouted at her myself, not been annoyed at the man for shouting. I think that's the point people are trying to make.

Original poster
ghostspirit · 08/09/2013 20:03

littlemisswise its not drip feeding at all i just did not know my post was going to be ripped about just because i dont use the same words as others might

OP posts:
SilverApples · 08/09/2013 20:03

Do you think this thread will reach a thousand posts, oh Gentle Readers?

Retropear · 08/09/2013 20:06

"Telling"her it was naughty is not punishing her.I can see why she did it if that is how you deal with something so serious as thugish behaviour.

Poor man queuing for a nice day out and has to endure being kicked without expressing his displeasure.

takeaway2 · 08/09/2013 20:06

Haven't read the whole thread... But
Why was she kicking the man in front of her? I have a 5 year old and a nearly 3 year old and we were recently at legoland. No way would they be kicking strangers. No bloody way. They may kick each other or me/their father but not a stranger.

It must have been going on for a while for him to shout. I have told kids off before but they tend to be older and blatantly breaking rules.

oakmouse · 08/09/2013 20:08

Ghostspirit I'm not going to have a go at you but I do think you need to cut the man some slack here - he can't have been expecting to be kicked and out of nowhere feels a sharp pain - or two, or three - in his leg. He could have been sleep-deprived and very stressed and fed up. He's a member of the general public not a nursery worker or park staff so he really isn't under an obligation to be understanding on his day out.

None of us like hearing our children shouted at but 3 is not too young to start learning that kicking people is really something you have to do at your own risk...

choccyp1g · 08/09/2013 20:09

You are absolutely right OP, he shouldn't have shouted at your DD.

He should have shouted at YOU.

You were the one at fault for letting DD misbehave.

Original poster
ghostspirit · 08/09/2013 20:09

inspace... i don't know if it was an accident or not. as someone else said about feeling some sort of movement on my arm. i did not feel anything. first i knew was when he shouted.

maybe im taking it personally i don't know but there are ways to ask questions without the nastyness with it... and there is alot of twisting of things on this thread that there is also no need for. people keep coming with the same thing.

to me they were both wrong my daughter shout not of kicked. she got told of for that. and he should not have shouted at her in that way

OP posts:
Retropear · 08/09/2013 20:12

I don't think you get to choose how people react when they're physically abused,they will react how their first instinct dictates so best keep your dc under control.

littlemisswise · 08/09/2013 20:13

Adding snippets of information as the thread goes on, is drip feeding!Hmm

usualsuspect · 08/09/2013 20:13

So a 3 year old child has been called a brat,a thug,a precious princess who will be expelled from nursery

The OP has been called a crap mum and told to take parenting classes.

AIBU at its finest.

Original poster
ghostspirit · 08/09/2013 20:13

oakmouse i do see your point... but do we see anyone here giving me or my daughter any slack.. nope we just see myself and my daughter being slagged of / word twisted ect.

OP posts:
MinesAPintOfTea · 08/09/2013 20:15

ghost Once your DD had kicked him the man was reasonable to raise his voice to tell her to stop. She wasn't threatened, or had violence returned, just told to stop.

This is nothing to do with how you word your posts, just that your DD needs to learn that stranger's reactions to violence won't always be gentle.

Original poster
ghostspirit · 08/09/2013 20:17

in an aggressive way minesapintoftea

OP posts:
Bearbehind · 08/09/2013 20:17

ghostspirit I'm struggling to see why you deserve any slack. Your child was kicking other people. The only slack she deserves is by virtue of the fact she is only 3 but as someone quite rightly said, 3 is old enough to start to learn that you kick people at your own peril.

Original poster
ghostspirit · 08/09/2013 20:19

usualsuspect its ok for people to say them things about me and my child. but its not ok for me to reply and try to explain...

just because thats what floats some peoples boats

OP posts:
Feminine · 08/09/2013 20:19

ghost I have read the entire post.

I think you have handled this whole thing really well. I suspect lots of Wine has been gulped ...and the wolves have come out to howl.

I don't think you have been unreasonable. I think even if your daughter had taken a slice of flesh from his shin -he should have spoken to you.

It is highly unlikely she did it loads of times...that you would have noticed.

more likely the miserable old bugger didn't want to go to the hell that is Chessington in the first place!

Thanks for you.

Buzzardbird · 08/09/2013 20:20

I got punched in the stomach by someone's pleasant little 2/3yr old today. I said nothing in case he was sn. It really fucking hurt (cs scar). I really wish some parents would understand what it is like for others to deal with. He then went on to cause utter chaos in the restaurant and wasn't disciplined properly, he didn't learn a thing.

friday16 · 08/09/2013 20:20

"i said people looked i did not say they intervened please point out where i did.. "

You wrote:

"people did look because of how he shouted... explained that he was aggressive..."

Perhaps if you could use words instead of dots it might be clearer, but I read that as "People did look because he shouted [and] explained [to him] that he was aggressive." If you mean something else, please explain.

usualsuspect · 08/09/2013 20:20

Wine ghost?

candycoatedwaterdrops · 08/09/2013 20:21

Retropear "Thuggish behaviour?"
SHE IS THREE!!!!!