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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

man shouted at my 3 year old for kicking

999 replies

ghostspirit · 08/09/2013 14:53

I took my children to chessington. and was in que for the ride. my 3 year old daughter had been kicking the man in front of us. ( i had not seen) He turned and shouted at her 'stop kicking me,don't you dare kick me' his tone and voulume of voice was a bit over the top. I told my daughter you don't kick its naughty. Then i told him she is 3 years old if there is a problem you talk to me not her. The woman who was with him said they have to be firm with their child because of some special needs he has and i said that may be your situation and you may need to talk to your son that way, But that does not mean its ok to talk to my child that way.

OP posts:

Original poster

ghostspirit · 08/09/2013 19:42

bearbehind i have never said it was ok for her to kick him... im have said she should not have kicked him and she got told off for it. what i also said is he should not have shouted at her

OP posts:

FamiliesShareGerms · 08/09/2013 19:43

Oh, I can see how you take your eyes off one of your kids in a queue. I think anyone saying that they would be watching them like a hawk the whole time is being a bit disingenuous.

All it needs is one of the others to ask you if you can see how much longer the queue will be and you to crane round to see. Or a whole host of other normal scenarios. Even holding their hand, you might feel their weight shift, but wouldn't necessarily think "oh they must be kicking someone now".

But I would still feel (and indeed be) responsible for the fact that I had dropped the ball and allowed DD to kick someone. And would be profusely apologetic as a consequence.

Bearbehind · 08/09/2013 19:43

Why shouldn't he have told her off when you had clearly not noticed or done nothing about it? He didn't harm her in any way.

Original poster

ghostspirit · 08/09/2013 19:46

usualsuspect thank you this is my point alot of people are saying she must have been doing it for a while for him to react that way. he could have had a short temper. the reason i could not feel her on my arm could have been because it was a light kick. she does move when i hold her hand she is not routed to the spot

OP posts:

Retropear · 08/09/2013 19:47

I would happily shout at a 3 year old if it shouted at me not in an abusive way but shout I would as it hurts and a gentle chat kind of doesn't cut it.Tis probably why none of my 3 would ever dream of doing it.

littlemisswise · 08/09/2013 19:47

I would have thought that if the bloke had shouted or yelled at the girl other people in the queue would have been shocked and perhaps called him on it and/or the precious little flower little girl would have burst into tears. Neither have been mentioned thus far, so I am presuming they didn't happen and am therefore assuming the man was just stern in the way he spoke to the girl.

I have a condition that means if I scratch an itch it hurts. My kids know not to hug me too tight because it hurts. If a child kicked me it would take my breath away. DH would have been bloody stern if he had spoken to you OP!

Original poster

ghostspirit · 08/09/2013 19:49

no he did not harm her. but that does not make it ok. if he had said to me your child has just kicked me then i could have dealt with it... and i have said many times now she was told off.

OP posts:

Bearbehind · 08/09/2013 19:49

Obviously no one else including the OP actually saw what happened but I find it very difficult to believe that anyone would have reacted to being knocked once in a queue- multiple times then yes- I'd be pissed off too

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 08/09/2013 19:49

If he had been kicked several times (I know we don't know how many times he was kicked, but I would be surprised if he reacted this way after just one kick - you'd give a child the benefitmofmthe doubt for one, and assume it was an accident), then losing a bit of his cool, and raising his voice to tell your dd off is pretty understandable, I think, ghostspirit.

I have, on occasion, shouted at my own children, when pushed too far - and if they had repeatedly kicked either me or someone else, I am pretty sure I would have shouted - I'm not

Retropear · 08/09/2013 19:49

Sorry should have said kicked me.

I'd have properly bellowed at my 3.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 08/09/2013 19:50

Grr - benefit of the doubt, not that run-together word with Ms instead of spaces - fat fingers + iPad!

Bearbehind · 08/09/2013 19:52

Whatever ghost. You carry on through life defending your little angel's inappropriate actions and the consequences and see where that gets you or them.

SilverStreak7 · 08/09/2013 19:52

How very perfect a lot of you must be !

Original poster

ghostspirit · 08/09/2013 19:52

people did look because of how he shouted... explained that he was aggressive...

if he wanted to talk to me sternly fine

OP posts:

Retropear · 08/09/2013 19:53

But you didn't frogmarch out of the queue so your child went unpunished.My dc would have been taken home- after a rollicking and being made to apologise to the poor man in front.

friday16 · 08/09/2013 19:55

"and i have said many times now she was told off."

No, you said "that's naughty", which isn't the same thing at all.

"people did look because of how he shouted... explained that he was aggressive... "

So third parties intervened and told him he was being aggressive? Really? This must all have been quite an event, mustn't it? How odd that you didn't mention that out the outset.

Retropear · 08/09/2013 19:55

I'm guessing if my DS acted like a thug and did the same to your dd op you'd have shouted.

Original poster

ghostspirit · 08/09/2013 19:55

bearbehind i will continue to tell my child its not ok to hurt people. its also not ok for strangers to shout at you. at least not when they are little.

OP posts:

Sirzy · 08/09/2013 19:55

The version of events from Ghosts seems to be changing with every post she makes. Strange how all of a sudden people started looking yet she hasn't mentioned that at all previously!

YouTheCat · 08/09/2013 19:55

That's the first I've heard of him being aggressive. Prior to this he had merely shouted.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 08/09/2013 19:57

I don't think I would have marched four children home. I might have whipped them out of the queue, administered a strong telling-off to the child who had kicked, and then rejoined the queue with a stern warning that ANY more bad behaviour would result in going straight to jail home, no passing go, no collecting £200.

Retropear · 08/09/2013 19:58

It is perfectly ok Ghost as it's err real life not pampered princess land where 3 year olds can kick and go unpunished.If you don't like it best keep her under control.

Original poster

ghostspirit · 08/09/2013 19:59

friday16 this is what i mean how people twist things just like you just like you did in your post.... i said people looked i did not say they intervened please point out where i did..

yes i did tell her it was naughty. sorry if dont use the same words you would but she still got told off

OP posts:

littlemisswise · 08/09/2013 20:00

All this drip feeding, is it to try to make you look better ghost?

Original poster

ghostspirit · 08/09/2013 20:00

why do you all keep implying my daughter was not told of how many times do i need to say it

OP posts:

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