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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

man shouted at my 3 year old for kicking

999 replies

ghostspirit · 08/09/2013 14:53

I took my children to chessington. and was in que for the ride. my 3 year old daughter had been kicking the man in front of us. ( i had not seen) He turned and shouted at her 'stop kicking me,don't you dare kick me' his tone and voulume of voice was a bit over the top. I told my daughter you don't kick its naughty. Then i told him she is 3 years old if there is a problem you talk to me not her. The woman who was with him said they have to be firm with their child because of some special needs he has and i said that may be your situation and you may need to talk to your son that way, But that does not mean its ok to talk to my child that way.

OP posts:
SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 08/09/2013 17:15

Ghostspirit - did you, at any point, either apologise to the man your dd had kicked, or get her to apologise? Because that would have been my first reaction - not having a go at the person my child had been kicking!

As others have said, a firm telling-off from a stranger will probably have made a real impression on your dd, and maybe she will remember it the next time she thinks about kicking a stranger.

Can I also ask you why you are surprised that someone was cross at being kicked (probably repeatedly, because I doubt he would have reacted at way until,it had happened a number of times, without any intervention from the parent)? Would you be able to retain perfect self-control if repeatedly kicked? Really?

Runningchick123 · 08/09/2013 17:16

Going in the buggy is your idea of punishment?
You seem to need parenting classes urgently.

SaskiaRembrandtVampireHunter · 08/09/2013 17:16

Grin ""Spaniards in a shortened line, what? (3)""

usualsuspect · 08/09/2013 17:17

So now posters get praised for taking the piss out of posters spelling.

AIBU is the fucking pits of MN.

Sirzy · 08/09/2013 17:17

thats the risk you take when taking our more than one young child alone. Sometimes you have to make tough decision which upset the others to show that behaviour isn't allowed. You can't let them get away with something just because you have other children with you.

More than once when I was a child we left somewhere because me or my sister misbehaved. It hasn't done us any long term harm - actually it did us good to see that a) bad behaviour won't be tolerate and b) that your actions impact upon others.

I can't believe you are so laid back about your child kicking a stranger. At the very least I would have been out of the queue whether it upset children or not.

insancerre · 08/09/2013 17:18

And for all them who don't have to watch their children because they 'know' they will never kick,hit,bite or what ever maybe you will have a shock to you one day
I think you may be the one who is in for the shock. See, my children are way past the stage of needing constant supervision- they are 24 and 17 and do you know, they were never in the habit of attacking random men, or anybody really.
I wonder if I was just lucky, or do you think it was more a case of setting boundaries and having consequences for bad behaviour?
I do know that you shouldn't really judge other people on how they parent their children but sometimes you just can't help it.

Original poster
ghostspirit · 08/09/2013 17:19

ususalsuspect im not sure how to take you :/ i know everyone else is having a pop at me... but im not sure about you

OP posts:
SaskiaRembrandtVampireHunter · 08/09/2013 17:20

Was that aimed at me? If so, no I wasn't laughing at the OP's spelling, I was laughing at the idea of it being a Guardian crossword clue. Is that okay? Or is laughter now verboten?

candycoatedwaterdrops · 08/09/2013 17:20

The child was punished, she was told off! No need to go home and end the whole day for everyone. Still, the OP doesn't believe that even the telling off was necessary..... Hmm

WhereYouLeftIt · 08/09/2013 17:20

ghostspirit

WHAT

WERE

YOU

DOING

WHILST

YOUR

DAUGHTER

WAS

KICKING

A

STRANGER?

(Just thought I'd make this post really stand out, as OP appears to have ignored overlooked the many posts that have already asked this.)

InSpaceNooneCanHearYouScream · 08/09/2013 17:20

It is perfectly OK for an adult to shout at a 3 yr old who has kicked them. People who think its wrong to shout at a child that has just kicked a stranger have a very warped idea of discipline. 'Now now dear kicking isn't very nice' doesn't cut any ice with a brattish 3 yr old!!

Nasty behaviour- a brief raising of voice. Christ, not exactly child abuse is it?

BeanandGone · 08/09/2013 17:21

To be honest, I think being shouted at by a stranger for unacceptable behaviour (which kicking someone certainly is) is quite a healthy response. If your DD was a bit shaken up by that, well, that is what helps us all grow up and regulate our own behaviour.

What should have he done? 'umm excuse me, your child is kicking me'

You: 'stop it DD'

So that's it?!!

There was a golden age when people used to be able to show frustration, anger, annoyance at the behaviour of other peoples DC. And DC would experience a bit of eye-widening shock and fear which meant they thought twice next time.

We can't do that anymore can we. As precious as DC are they are also resilient enough to cope with a bit of an angry bollocking if they are being buggers.

candycoatedwaterdrops · 08/09/2013 17:22

usual You're criticising MN an awful lot, makes you look bitter about something or other. It's not perfect here and I wouldn't criticise someone's spelling/grammar but nor would I constantly comment on it.

Johnny5needsinput · 08/09/2013 17:22

You need to look at how you parented, what happened, and perhaps consider parenting classes and/or taking another adult with you in future, since you are patently unable to adequately supervise your children.

What were the other 3 doing whilst she was kicking the legs of the man in front?

insancerre · 08/09/2013 17:22

saskia I hope usualsuspect doesn't start SHOUTING AT US
Grin

usualsuspect · 08/09/2013 17:22

OP, my advice.

Hide the thread,the AIBU vultures are out in force.

Original poster
ghostspirit · 08/09/2013 17:24

where you left it... i have already answered. the reply was pull the other one. so with responces like that i don't know why im bothering to be honest...

OP posts:
PrincessFlirtyPants · 08/09/2013 17:25

ghostspirit

Are you sure you weren't just embarrassed that the other man was able to parent your child better than you?

I think the embarrassment that a member of the public knew more about what your 3yr old was doing than you, led you to be defensive. Instead of just admitting you were in the wrong for not observing your own DD you are complaining that someone had to pick up the parenting for you.

YABVU.

YouTheCat · 08/09/2013 17:25

You haven't answered it at all.

ilovesooty · 08/09/2013 17:26

Did she say she had 4 children? I'm wondering now what the other three were doing, and how she was watching them.

Original poster
ghostspirit · 08/09/2013 17:26

And as for my spelling,grammar or what ever else you would like to pick on i have dyslexia. so maybe you can all have a dig at that.. wow my spelling my parenting and my nasty/bratish daughter wow what a great time you will have

OP posts:
Johnny5needsinput · 08/09/2013 17:28

"ghostspirit Sun 08-Sep-13 15:42:36
i have 4 children and only the one has kicked. "

WhereYouLeftIt · 08/09/2013 17:29

"maybe i did not see because i looked the other was for a second or 2" is not a response to being asked what you were doing, it is continuing to avoid the question. Your reluctance to answer the question is what is causing people to draw the conclusion that you plain weren't paying attention, and that the man 'shouted' because you obviously weren't going to. Do you really not get that?

treaclesoda · 08/09/2013 17:30

the vast majority of posters have not been having a dig, they've been saying that they think you are being unreasonable.

Unless you think that anyone who disagrees with you is having a go at you

Original poster
ghostspirit · 08/09/2013 17:30

the other 3 were jumping the que and swearing at old ladys

OP posts: