Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

man shouted at my 3 year old for kicking

999 replies

ghostspirit · 08/09/2013 14:53

I took my children to chessington. and was in que for the ride. my 3 year old daughter had been kicking the man in front of us. ( i had not seen) He turned and shouted at her 'stop kicking me,don't you dare kick me' his tone and voulume of voice was a bit over the top. I told my daughter you don't kick its naughty. Then i told him she is 3 years old if there is a problem you talk to me not her. The woman who was with him said they have to be firm with their child because of some special needs he has and i said that may be your situation and you may need to talk to your son that way, But that does not mean its ok to talk to my child that way.

OP posts:
Chotter · 08/09/2013 17:31

Ghost, you'd be better off taking this on to the feminism board. A man shouting at a little girl would have them all frothing in sympathy. It's the patriarchy in full flow.

usualsuspect · 08/09/2013 17:34

Lol at swearing at old ladies.

It's broken Britain.

mrsjay · 08/09/2013 17:35

Gost you actually sound so defensive people are not having digs at you people replied that they thought your dd was naughty and this man was peed off about being kicked, so he told her off which the bottom line that is all he did was tell her off,

MrsDeVere · 08/09/2013 17:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

needaholidaynow · 08/09/2013 17:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsDeVere · 08/09/2013 17:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BIWI · 08/09/2013 17:37

friday16 Grin

ilovesooty · 08/09/2013 17:39

the op's dig at the parents of the child with SN and her responses that lurch from PA to hysterical in tone

I'd agree with that. Not only did she not deal with it well, she's refusing to accept that she didn't deal with it well or that the man in question had every right to be upset. Her daughter has hopefully learned from his response: she certainly won't have learned from any intervention the OP was prepared to put in place.

timidviper · 08/09/2013 17:39

Why ask if YABU if you are determined that you are not.

Clearly your daughter is a delightful little poppet with kicks as soft as featherdown and fairies wings who the world should revolve around.

It is not nice to be shown up, particularly in public but the grown up thing is to apologise, discipline your child and move on. It happens to most people at some point in a child's life and teaches them to behave better and us, as parents, to have eyes in the back of our heads.

Good luck with discipline in the future

YouTheCat · 08/09/2013 17:42

Well I'm not about to start having a go about anyone's spelling or grammar.

But I would still like to know if OP was on her phone. I've asked a few times, as have others, and been totally ignored.

I think it's a very pertinent question. Yes, it is very easy to be momentarily distracted and that happens. But if OP was concentrating on level 2 million on Candycrush/texting/facebooking, then that is a very different kind of distraction.

Original poster
ghostspirit · 08/09/2013 17:42

mrsjay i understand that partly... to me there is no need for the silly digs people give on here or the nasty comments towards my daughter some where on her saying she is a bratish child. and making lots of assumptions. How bad my my parenting is. yet several times i have said i told my daughter off. and i have said my daughter should not have kicked. and i have also said that he should not have shouted at my child he should have spoken to me and given me the chance to deal with it.

OP posts:
catkind · 08/09/2013 17:42

Not read the 13 pages, but YANBU, I would have reacted in exactly the same way. Assuming you stopped her kicking as soon as she started. I wouldn't shout at my own 3 yr old either (well, okay, I have, but I try not to), all that teaches them is that shouting is a good thing to do when you're angry.

usualsuspect · 08/09/2013 17:43

The OPs last post was the best on the thread

Respect for that,OP

duchessandscruffy · 08/09/2013 17:43

Op, why did you post this on AIBU if you are not willing to accept that perhaps yabu? Oh, and you can't just then cry 'nasty' if people do actually think you are unreasonable, it kind of negates the whole point of AIBU.

internationallove985 · 08/09/2013 17:44

I can see both sides of the coin. Okay children will be children and they all play up despite what other may tell about how well behaved their little darlings are, but the man didn't have to raise his voice at your D.D. He could have got down to your D.D's level and explained it's not nice to kick ect ect. I would never let anyone shout at my child not matter what she'd done, yes of course discplin her, I'm all for that but shouting is a no no. Any roaring and bawling the parent/s grandparent/s and close family members do it, certainly not strangers. However that said I would be lying if I said I don't blame the man for being a bit peeved. xx

Sallystyle · 08/09/2013 17:44

If your child accidentally kicked him once while she moved her leg or something YANBU

If she kicked him on purpose repeatedly YADBU

Misspixietrix · 08/09/2013 17:45

I agree with MrsDeVere some of the posts have made me a bit uncomfortable. I dont think the OP needs Parenting Classes for example. Confused

friday16 · 08/09/2013 17:46

"he should have spoken to me and given me the chance to deal with it."

But since your really, really serious punishment, the one that kicking a stranger didn't merit (so one has to ponder quite what would have merited it) was "putting them in the buggy so they didn't have to walk", the truth is that you wouldn't have dealt with it at all. You told them it was naughty, after the man had pointed it out, and otherwise did precisely nothing. Over on another forum, presumably, there's a bloke going "this brat kicked me and the mother ineffectually said `don't be naughty' and then berated me for getting upset".

If a three-year old kicked one of your children, what would you do? Presumably, you'd be relaxed about it, and suggest that the child's mother be relaxed as well? My, are you in for a surprise. Children that kick, and mothers that do nothing effective about it, are the ones posting to AIBU in a few years time complaining that at school everyone else was invited to the party except for them.

Original poster
ghostspirit · 08/09/2013 17:46

:o there is no way in this world i would have a dig at anyone with sn children no way... so if it seems i have its either been taken wrong or i did not word it well... please show where i have had a dig at SN children... i really hope that this is a misunderstanding and not just another twist on things.

OP posts:
duchessandscruffy · 08/09/2013 17:47

You didn't really 'tell her off' you said 'we don't kick, it's naughty', which IMO isn't sufficient in the circumstances. You also did not give your dd any sort of consequence or even make her apologise to the man she had been kicking (in fact you did the opposite). That is why people are making the 'parenting' comments.

PaperSeagull · 08/09/2013 17:49

Oh, for heaven's sake, OP. Of course you are being unreasonable if your main concern was what the man did, rather than how your child behaved. I have never understood the idea that children cannot be spoken to directly, that everything must be filtered through the parents, as though through an interpreter.

Your child kicked someone. That is really bad behaviour, and I do think she should have foregone the rides for the day.

No, the man shouldn't have shouted at your child. I wonder exactly what constitutes "shouting" for you, though. Did he just speak sharply to her? Or did he scream at her? And how exactly did you respond to him? Did you also raise your voice? And what on earth do you mean that "he may need to talk to his son that way"?

Writerwannabe83 · 08/09/2013 17:49

Maybe he assumed that as your daughter kept kicking him and you weren't doing anything to stop her, it meant that you weren't bothered that she was doing it? And if that is what he thought then what would have been the point in saying anything to you?

I'm not saying that is what he thought, but just looking for possible explanations as to why he didn't say anything to you.

If someone's child was kicking me I would expect the parent to stop it immediately, not wait to be told by me that they needed to intervene. Maybe he shouldn't have shouted at your child but you should have done something long before it got to the stage of him being angry. My guess is your child was probably kicking him for quite some time.

Original poster
ghostspirit · 08/09/2013 17:50

friday... to my 3 year old putting her in the buggy is punishment because she hates it... and it also means that she cant do anything else thats bad

OP posts:
MrsMongoose · 08/09/2013 17:52

This is exactly how you get self entitled teenagers who play the 'you can't shout at me, you're not my mum' card. Bollocks. Adults can tell children off. Same as adults in a position of authority can tell adults off.

friday16 · 08/09/2013 17:52

"to my 3 year old putting her in the buggy is punishment because she hates it... and it also means that she cant do anything else thats bad"

OK. So if that's the case, why didn't you do it?