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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

OK, so AIBU to lock our bedroom door at night?

142 replies

FunnysInLaJardin · 07/09/2013 21:43

DS1 is nearly 8 and never wakes us or comes into our bed. DS2 is 3.5 and comes into our bed every night and has done for the last few months. We are both too asleep to get up and put him into his own bed so DH either shoves up or gets into DS2's bed for the night. Suffice to say we haven't had an unbroken nights for ages.

I suggested that tonight we should lock our door in the hope DS2 would find it locked and go back to bed. DH was firmly against this idea and sees it as cruel. So AIBU or is DH?

We really should get up and get him back into his own bed of course, but at 2am this seems an impossibility!

OP posts:
Dackyduddles · 08/09/2013 08:56

Well for an intelligent woman op at parenting as you do working as you do etc etc

Why are you such a dumbo as to post this question and get grumpy at the fecking obvious answer?

JumpingJackSprat · 08/09/2013 09:16

It isnt an obvious answer though is it because plenty of people on the thread havr said they tried a lock, or variation, and its worked. 3 is old enough to understand he should stay in his own bed. i dont get all the hysteria as long as its fully explained to him before hand that he wont be able to get into bed any more. theres loads of different ways to do things and return to bed isnt the only way.

usualsuspect · 08/09/2013 09:37

Enough with the slagging off funnys parenting.

Not cool.

HaroldLloyd · 08/09/2013 09:42

She's already said she's not going to lock the door.

She's never locked the door.

Calm down, cease and desist.

Jinsei · 08/09/2013 10:12

There are some stupidly sanctimonious posts on this thread! The OP has said that she isn't going to lock the door, so leave her alone!

Oh, and has it occurred to those with their judgeypants hooked up high that her DH reads with the kids instead?!

Jinsei · 08/09/2013 10:13

Hoiked not hooked!

Original poster
FunnysInLaJardin · 08/09/2013 10:36

well well well, amazing when you throw a little bait into a thread what nasty attitudes come rising to the surface. Did it ever occur that my last post was tongue in cheek? I can only assume it makes some people feel a lot better about their own parenting to slag others off.

Anyway I'm sure you won't be in the least interested to know that we put him back to bed 3 times last night without locking the door and he stayed there.

OP posts:
TheContrastofWhiteonWhite · 08/09/2013 10:38

Well done Funny. Three times is pretty good for the first night.

Charlottehere · 08/09/2013 10:41

I feel your pain as dd2 (8) comes into our bed more often than not, dd3 (4) sometimes does and ds1 (8 months) is in our bed at least half the week but it's nt a good plan I'm afraid.

FourLittleDudes · 08/09/2013 10:44

I feel your pain! My 2.3 year old only sleeps for 2 hours max, comes into my bed (I already have my 7 month old in there with me) and I cannot wake up enough to put him in his own bed. I just can't. Even with the baby, I never remember feeding him in the night although I know I have because my bra is open or his changed sides etc. I think I must almost do it in my sleep. I've given up and just started letting them both go to sleep in my bed. It would kill me to have to keep getting out of bed.

Original poster
FunnysInLaJardin · 08/09/2013 10:45

incidentally I totally agree with the ipad thing and have no issue with either child using theirs for half an hour or so in the morning if it means more sleep. In our house the day starts at 8am and not 5am. Oh and thanks BOF and usual

OP posts:
breatheslowly · 08/09/2013 10:59

Is a stair gate on a child's door the same as a lock on your door, or is that deemed acceptable?

Our 3 yo appears in our bed every night. I appear to be able to lift her into our bed in my sleep, so I have no idea what time she comes in. We have a big bed, so it isn't too bad until she turns to lie across the bed and starts to push me out. I think she may well be "the little one" from 10 in the bed.

plantsitter · 08/09/2013 11:11

Wow this thread went weird. We used to lock our bedroom door. We told dd1 we were doing it and she should knock if she needed us. Meant we woke up enough to put her back. I never felt guilty about it but I do read to my children and in fact I'm a SAHM so i probably have enough parenting points to get away with it Wink.

She stopped coming in altogether when we got her a new bed... might be worth thinking about.

Lazyjaney · 08/09/2013 11:23

Why are you such a dumbo as to post this question and get grumpy at the fecking obvious answer

Because the flecking obvious answer is a dumbo one?

Turniptwirl · 08/09/2013 11:39

You are the ones who have let this develop by not getting up and putting him back to bed. Why punish your little 3 year old like that? And worse, letting your 8 year old get woken up just so you don't?! Wtf? Very lazy parenting!

Get out of bed, put him back in have bed, go back to your bed. Repeat until he gets it.

differentnameforthis · 08/09/2013 13:22

You just need to keep guiding him back to bed & break the habit.

If your dh is awake enough to go into your son's bed, he is awake enough to take him back.

differentnameforthis · 08/09/2013 13:26

see I don't think it would be dangerous as he would just go and see his brother and get in with him instead

So you don't want him in your bed, yet you would quite happily lumber your 8yr old with him? That is so unfair!

1] your ds is YOUR responsibility & you have created this habit & you need to break it

2] your older son did not decide to have a younger sibling.

3] your older son needs his sleep too.

differentnameforthis · 08/09/2013 13:38

You're not a lazy crappy parent, op! You just don't know where to go from here & we have all had those moments.

I still have them with my 5yr old. She still creeps into our bed. I usually don't notice, but she kicks dh a lot (she doesn't me, she just cuddles up to em, I think she secretly wants dh out of bed Grin)

So often, I don't know she is there, but dh refuses to get up to take her to back to bed. So I tell him he has to suffer then! I take her back when I am aware of her being there, but he just won't. [shrug]

Looking back we should have nipped it in the bud a lot sooner, but in truth, it was easier to leave her there as we all got some sleep. She will stop eventually & now she is at school it is certainly tapering off.

differentnameforthis · 08/09/2013 13:48

Usually if a parent is that "too asleep" there is a drink or drugs involved!

Hmm I have been 'too asleep' in the past to take dd back to bed, and I can categorically state that NONE of those times involved drink (I rarely do) or drugs (I never do)

So get off your fucking high horse, you judgemental arse. Parenting & working full time (as the op & her dh do) is bloody exhausting work!

Blondeshavemorefun · 08/09/2013 14:10

no you shouldnt lock your door, but i would either recommend a stairgate on their bedroom or tbh the only way to break the cycle is to get out of bed and return child, and keep doing this till they get the message what supernanny does

dh should take ds2 back to his bed, rather then dh sleeping in ds2 bed

personally i dont believe in giving a child an ipad to shush them early mornings, or they start waking up at 3/4am demanding ipad as one of the charges i used to look after did (im a nanny)

if they are early risers, and although i believe kids should stay in bed till 7amish, i know there are a few early ones that no matter what you do, wont go back to sleep, but i would tell them to lie in bed and quietly look at books, books are better then ipads and noise/stimulate their minds

Lazyjaney · 08/09/2013 15:13

Usually if a parent is that "too asleep" there is a drink or drugs involved

Or long days at work, or having all kids under 4, or under the weather....

IMO the "return them to bed, no matter how often it happens" approach is fine if you don't have to work the next day/rest of week. If you do, you start looking for other strategies - like stair gates.

Blondeshavemorefun · 08/09/2013 16:17

A week or two of returning to bed and getting broken nights sleep is better then having night after night after night of disrupted sleep as children keep coming into your bed

A means to an end - but you have to be repetitive and not give in as if you do the one time all your good intentions and hard work will be in vain

Stairgates are good tho I know of a 3yr who climbs over them - shame they don't make taller Grin

atrcts · 08/09/2013 16:35

Lazyjaney if someone has such a deep sleep that they are not able to move when disrupted by their children at night for months then that is more than a little illness or hard day at work.

atrcts · 08/09/2013 16:38

oooh touched a nerve there, did I differentnameforthis?!!!

Seriously, we ALL work hard as parents because it is a hard job. Are you saying you would have slept through a newborn that needed feeding overnight?

Thought not.

TediousFool · 08/09/2013 16:50

Funny's you have my every sympathy, my 3yr old DD also does this (it's me that escapes to sleep in her bed though) It is the easy and lazy option and yes it is our own fault. Nobody is perfect though! Grin

Only steering your DS back 3 times in one night is good, well done! Hopefully he'll soon get the message and start staying in his own bed.

And please ignore the comments about being heavily asleep through drink or drugs. Sad