OK, so AIBU to lock our bedroom door at night?

[FunnysInLaJardin]

DS1 is nearly 8 and never wakes us or comes into our bed. DS2 is 3.5 and comes into our bed every night and has done for the last few months. We are both too asleep to get up and put him into his own bed so DH either shoves up or gets into DS2's bed for the night. Suffice to say we haven't had an unbroken nights for ages.

I suggested that tonight we should lock our door in the hope DS2 would find it locked and go back to bed. DH was firmly against this idea and sees it as cruel. So AIBU or is DH?

We really should get up and get him back into his own bed of course, but at 2am this seems an impossibility!

[StHelenInPerson]

Yabu you either let you ds into your bed or you both take it in turns to keep putting him back to bed.

So one night you do it and the other your partner does it, needs consistency and team work, if your lucky you can crack it in 3-4 days.
A stair gate on the toddlers bedroom door helps for safety reasons mainly.

It's not fair at all to let your toddler sleep/bother with your 8yr old,it is just lazy.

[buttercrumble]

Omg that sounds terrible, what if something happened YABVU

[themaltesefalcon]

Usually if a parent is that "too asleep" there is a drink or drugs involved!

I'm heard it all now.

OP, broken sleep is shit. Working mothers and SAHM alike need a good sleep, but it seems to me (having done both) that the former especially do. When I hit the sheets now, for the first time in my life I don't lie awake thinking or talking but am genuinely asleep within seconds. My kid still wakes fairly frequently and it's usually my husband who deals with her now, as I'm so thoroughly out for the count.

No narcotics involved.

You sound like ace parents to me (and, frankly, if you meant that about reading, your kids, especially the oldest, are old enough to read to themselves. What's all this "Shame on you if you aren't reading your eight-year-old's book with him!" nonsense? By the age of four or five, I was hounding my mother from the room if she tried to interrupt my book with her wittering. But that is another tangent this thread doesn't need ).

Hope your boy settles in his own bed soon. If not, the camp bed thing is an excellent idea, unless you have the option of upgrading your bed to a king-size or emperor-size instead. That's my personal fantasy. We could all three of us flail our limbs as much as we liked, then...

[lovesherdogstoomuch]

it is so hard to drag ourself out of bed when your little one needs you, but you've gotta do it as i'm sure you know. take him back to bed, no eye contact, no chat, just quiet reassurance and repeat as mentioned by Viva. should take a few weeks for him to get the message bless im but just think of that first night of no disturbances! btw i am typing this at 05:17 cos i can't sleep! all my family are snoozing away upstairs. annoying.

[pourmeanotherglass]

I don't get how rapid return to bed is supposed to work, with a determined toddler, if there are no barriers to stop them coming straight back. I tried it. It was never going to work. She just came straight back in. Again and again. For months. We were exhausted.
Locking the door worked for us, within a couple of nights the problem was solved.
She's now 9, so this was a few years ago, it didn't traumatise her, and it solved the problem.
I can see the majority of you disagree with this approach, but I'm glad we did it, it was the best solution for us.

[LondonMother]

Thanks, Moderately. It's not something I'd thought of before the tragedy that affected the family we knew. Now I'm a bit obsessive about it.

[ModeratelyObvious]

Good luck Funny.

And thanks LondonMother, I didn't know that.

[bundaberg]

yabu, sorry :(

if you really want to stop him then wake up and take him back to bed

[ExitPursuedByADragon]

I too was surprised when I saw who the op was

[marriedinwhiteisback]

Um. Have just realised who the OP is. Funny's is generally a very nice and decent poster based on posts I have read. Many have posted an ill judged post over the years.

Funny isn't doing it. It's all fine. Parenting s hard and we all make mstakes.

As you were. Let's all move on with dignity. Xx

[Talkinpeace]

blackholes
absolutely and utterly
the instinct is to give the little darlings lots of space to sleep in your bed - but then you and DFH get no sleep
the kid in in your bed because they want to feel reassured and loved
so hug and cuddle them
and they will start to get too hot in bed with mummy and daddy and retreat to their own bed where they can stretch out
so give them a kiss and they will head off and settle themselves down - they found their way in, they will find their way out

regardless of OP winding people up, its a strategy that WORKS

[pugglefan]

I haven't read the whole thread but my DS did this and I used a technique where I slept next to his bed, on the floor, one night, the next night I was in his doorway and the third night he could just see my feet. Then for about 2 nights I just returned him back to his bed. He hasn't been a problem coming into our bed since. It is a bit of a faff as it involves going to bed at the same time as your DS but it's worth it in the long haul. My DS just needed the reassurance.

[OneUp]

Funny if you're too tired to get up in the middle of the night have you considered making a nest on the floor of your bedroom for your three year old to sleep in so he's close to you and then over weeks moving it slowly out of your room?

[BlackholesAndRevelations]

talkinpeace- really?!

Ps op if your reading comment was tongue in cheek, I was well and truly suckered so I apologise.

[candycoatedwaterdrops]

To all the people who are slating the OP, have you never had a really stupid idea that seems like a good idea until you sit and think about it or tell someone else?

[Talkinpeace]

HUG HIM
really really tightly, when he climbs into bed, wrap yourself around him so that you swaddle him
he won't be able to wiggle and he'll overheat
three nights tops and he'll stay in his own bed within 20 minutes
(worked with mine and those of several friends I suggested it to)

[TediousFool]

Funny's you have my every sympathy, my 3yr old DD also does this (it's me that escapes to sleep in her bed though) It is the easy and lazy option and yes it is our own fault. Nobody is perfect though!

Only steering your DS back 3 times in one night is good, well done! Hopefully he'll soon get the message and start staying in his own bed.

And please ignore the comments about being heavily asleep through drink or drugs.

[atrcts]

oooh touched a nerve there, did I differentnameforthis?!!!

Seriously, we ALL work hard as parents because it is a hard job. Are you saying you would have slept through a newborn that needed feeding overnight?

Thought not.

[atrcts]

Lazyjaney if someone has such a deep sleep that they are not able to move when disrupted by their children at night for months then that is more than a little illness or hard day at work.

[Blondeshavemorefun]

A week or two of returning to bed and getting broken nights sleep is better then having night after night after night of disrupted sleep as children keep coming into your bed

A means to an end - but you have to be repetitive and not give in as if you do the one time all your good intentions and hard work will be in vain

Stairgates are good tho I know of a 3yr who climbs over them - shame they don't make taller

[Lazyjaney]

Usually if a parent is that "too asleep" there is a drink or drugs involved

Or long days at work, or having all kids under 4, or under the weather....

IMO the "return them to bed, no matter how often it happens" approach is fine if you don't have to work the next day/rest of week. If you do, you start looking for other strategies - like stair gates.

[Blondeshavemorefun]

no you shouldnt lock your door, but i would either recommend a stairgate on their bedroom or tbh the only way to break the cycle is to get out of bed and return child, and keep doing this till they get the message what supernanny does

dh should take ds2 back to his bed, rather then dh sleeping in ds2 bed

personally i dont believe in giving a child an ipad to shush them early mornings, or they start waking up at 3/4am demanding ipad as one of the charges i used to look after did (im a nanny)

if they are early risers, and although i believe kids should stay in bed till 7amish, i know there are a few early ones that no matter what you do, wont go back to sleep, but i would tell them to lie in bed and quietly look at books, books are better then ipads and noise/stimulate their minds

[differentnameforthis]

Usually if a parent is that "too asleep" there is a drink or drugs involved!

I have been 'too asleep' in the past to take dd back to bed, and I can categorically state that NONE of those times involved drink (I rarely do) or drugs (I never do)

So get off your fucking high horse, you judgemental arse. Parenting & working full time (as the op & her dh do) is bloody exhausting work!

[differentnameforthis]

You're not a lazy crappy parent, op! You just don't know where to go from here & we have all had those moments.

I still have them with my 5yr old. She still creeps into our bed. I usually don't notice, but she kicks dh a lot (she doesn't me, she just cuddles up to em, I think she secretly wants dh out of bed )

So often, I don't know she is there, but dh refuses to get up to take her to back to bed. So I tell him he has to suffer then! I take her back when I am aware of her being there, but he just won't. [shrug]

Looking back we should have nipped it in the bud a lot sooner, but in truth, it was easier to leave her there as we all got some sleep. She will stop eventually & now she is at school it is certainly tapering off.