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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

OK, so AIBU to lock our bedroom door at night?

142 replies

FunnysInLaJardin · 07/09/2013 21:43

DS1 is nearly 8 and never wakes us or comes into our bed. DS2 is 3.5 and comes into our bed every night and has done for the last few months. We are both too asleep to get up and put him into his own bed so DH either shoves up or gets into DS2's bed for the night. Suffice to say we haven't had an unbroken nights for ages.

I suggested that tonight we should lock our door in the hope DS2 would find it locked and go back to bed. DH was firmly against this idea and sees it as cruel. So AIBU or is DH?

We really should get up and get him back into his own bed of course, but at 2am this seems an impossibility!

OP posts:
FetchezLaVache · 07/09/2013 21:57

" he would just go and see his brother and get in with him instead "

So it's OK for him to disturb an 8 year old's sleep then, as long as you get your unbroken night?

Sorry- you and your DH have allowed him to get into this habit, you can't just leave your other child to deal with the fallout when you decide you no longer want him to wake every night and get in with you!

Capitola · 07/09/2013 21:57

No! That is just mean.

By the time he is 4 or 5 you won't even remember this bit as he will more than likely settled in his own bed every night.

SoonToBeSix · 07/09/2013 21:57

Yes, you don't stop being a parent after you go to bed.

CeliaLytton · 07/09/2013 21:57

YABU, get up and put him back to bed! I know it seems hard when you are both tired but you are the adults, you have to find a solution and you two should be the ones putting in the work. Try it, it might not take as LNG as you think.

phantomnamechanger · 07/09/2013 21:57

I think it would be very wrong to lock him out and hope he quietly goes off and gets in with his brother instead! How is it OK for him to be disturbed but not you, the actual parents? I also think he would be more likely to be very upset than do that.

Then again, we have no problem with our 8 yo sometimes coming in with us - yes he's big and gets in the way and very ocassonally DH will give up and get in DS bed, but at the end of the day we are his parents and if he wakes and wants the security of knowing we are there, so be it.

LovePotatoes · 07/09/2013 21:58

I wouldnt lock the bedroom door as it may really upset your little one. Hopefully he will grow out of this soon..

Doubtfuldaphne · 07/09/2013 21:58

Can you imagine while you're half asleep realising you can't get in to your parents room? Terrifying. As you're not putting him back to bed at night when he gets in, how is he to know what he's doing is not right?
I agree with the other poster on here, sort out a reward chart and talk to him about how he needs to stay in his own bed as he is too big to share your bed now.
Its a habit which can be broken - but in a kind way!

CreatureRetorts · 07/09/2013 21:59

YABU

Your DH is right.

He's only little bless him. I remember even now having nightmares, gut wrenching terrifying nightmares at that age and not bothering to tell my mum because I knew she wouldn't care.

spg1983 · 07/09/2013 21:59

Ah right, so it's ok for your 8 year old to have disturbed sleep instead so that you don't have to deal with this. Good to know you've considered the implications of locking your door and are happy to knowingly shift the problem onto someone else

That's a great solution Hmm

Littlepinkseal · 07/09/2013 21:59

We put a camp bed up in our room and told dc that if they wanted to sleep in our room, they'd have to sleep there. And they do. Often wake up and one or other is in there but we haven't been woken while they've got in. Sometimes one or other sleeps there several times a week and other times they don't use it for weeks. Or if no room for a camp bed we've got this thing from lidl which is sort of 3 cushions on top of each other which fold out to make a mattress. That works too.

littlemisswise · 07/09/2013 22:01

No don't do it. He will wail and scream. If he doesn't but goes into his brother, how on earth is that fair?

What if there is a fire or other emergency? Do you really want to be faffing about, potentially in a panic, unlocking a door? It's too much of a risk to take IMO.

Original poster
FunnysInLaJardin · 07/09/2013 22:02

wow a veritable avalanche. It's actually OK for me as I don't hear him and DH ends up getting into DS2's bed. So since DH is the one who thinks its unkind I will let it all be!

OP posts:
OHforDUCKScake · 07/09/2013 22:03

Oh poor kid.

Glad you are choosing not to.

Fairylea · 07/09/2013 22:04

Get up and take him back to bed.

(X100 times, however many times it takes him to learn).

Locking the door is dangerous and isn't really teaching him anything except you don't want him in with you. It isn't teaching him to view his bed as his place to sleep. You're just passing the problem on to your other dc!

Sokmonsta · 07/09/2013 22:05

How about a stair gate on his bedroom door? It's not as enclosing as a door. We did this for ds when he moved from a cot into a bed. Often we would come up to bed and find him asleep in front of the gate so we could lift him back into bed. We could also easily talk to him without it being muffled through a door when needed.

MammaTJ · 07/09/2013 22:06

If you are not awake enough to do anything about the situation, you are not awake to need to!! No need for locks on doors then!

Snazzyenjoyingsummer · 07/09/2013 22:07

Well, if you don't hear him, surely it's not breaking up your night's sleep? Confused

That's a good idea about the camp bed Littlepinkseal

BOF · 07/09/2013 22:07

Soontobesix, I think you need to bear this in mind though...

MissOtisRegretsMadam · 07/09/2013 22:12

From I title I thought this would be a thread about locking the door temporarily while you did the deed without worrying about the kids walking in...

Anyway yabu

Tealteeth · 07/09/2013 22:14

We have this, with two of our kids. One snuggles in quietly to a Readybed next to our bed but the other one is more tricky and moves very quietly - he climbs in by stealth but then digs in his toes!
We hang noisy things - a rattle or a heavyish you on the door handle so we hear him as he comes in, and is put back to bed asap.

barnet · 07/09/2013 22:16

Like littlepink we have a little matress on the floor next to the bed for the midnight wanderer, he drags in his duvet and pillow and sleeps there. Much better all round than bed hopping.

Pollywallywinkles · 07/09/2013 22:17

A lock on the door won't solve anything at that age as he is too young to associate that if the door is locked he has to go back to bed. It's not cruel, or probably not unsafe, but it won't achieve what you want. It is up to the pair of you as parents, to lead him back to bed, put up with him in your bed or to to allow him to sleep on the floor beside your bed. He should not be disturbing his sibling!

In the grand scheme of things it doesn't really matter where anyone sleeps as long as you all manage to get as much undisturbed sleep as possible. They do eventually get in and stay in their own beds.

fuckwittery · 07/09/2013 22:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheYoniWayIsUp · 07/09/2013 22:26

I'm really shocked that you think it would be better for him to disturb his brother. Lazy, crappy parenting to both of your children.

BoozyBear · 07/09/2013 22:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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