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AIBU?

OK, so AIBU to lock our bedroom door at night?

142 replies

FunnysInLaJardin · 07/09/2013 21:43

DS1 is nearly 8 and never wakes us or comes into our bed. DS2 is 3.5 and comes into our bed every night and has done for the last few months. We are both too asleep to get up and put him into his own bed so DH either shoves up or gets into DS2's bed for the night. Suffice to say we haven't had an unbroken nights for ages.

I suggested that tonight we should lock our door in the hope DS2 would find it locked and go back to bed. DH was firmly against this idea and sees it as cruel. So AIBU or is DH?

We really should get up and get him back into his own bed of course, but at 2am this seems an impossibility!

OP posts:

Report

FunnysInLaJardin · 07/09/2013 22:37

I am a lazy crappy parent And on so many levels really. I work FT, I never read to them, I feed them frozen food. You really have no idea how lazy and crappy I am. In fact why did I ever have children. Seriously, they would be so much better off with another less lazy crappy mother.

or I guess the other take would be we all do our best

OP posts:

AnyFucker · 07/09/2013 22:40

Don't take it personally, F

have a and pin your "crap parent" badge on

but don't lock your door, dude

BOF · 07/09/2013 22:42

Check my link out, Funnys. We've all been there.

TartyMcTart · 07/09/2013 22:46

You could give it a go? My friend did this and her 3 year old got out of bed, tried the door and went back to bed when she found it locked. Took a few nights but she got the message.

I didnt do this and one night took DS1 back to bed 23 times. Maybe I should have looked to my friend for advice...

YorkshireTeaDrinker · 07/09/2013 22:48

I understand the temptation (I have a 2.10 yo who is a bed hopper, and regularly ends up in our bed, always at my side, and always waking me, not DH up). But I think you will just make the problem worse, so knocking and possibly shouting / crying, making sure everyone is awake for longer. Either shove up and enjoy the cuddles, or get up and put him back in his own bed.

pourmeanotherglass · 07/09/2013 22:50

It worked for us.

DD2 was around that age, and we were fed up. If I got up and put her back in her bed, she would just come straight back to ours. This happened time and time again until we let her sleep with us. We were both exhausted.

I told her we were going to start locking the door, so she knew what was going to happen.

The first night, she shouted outside the door for a couple of minutes and then went back to bed. The next night, she tried the door, then went back to bed without shouting. By the third night, she didn't even get up and try it. After that, we stopped locking it.

QueenofallIsee · 07/09/2013 22:51

You can't lock a 3yr old out!! rapid return bedtime technique...all it takes is a few days of commitment. locking your children in or out is

MrsBonkers · 07/09/2013 22:52

We have a stairgate on our 3yr old DD's door - never thought of it as cruel until I read this thread - but then I'm just doing my best too.
We have our bedroom door open, so if she needs me I can hear her.
I'm such a crap parent that I leave an ipad in there for her to play with if she wakes up - this morning she didn't wake me up until gone 10am :)

Viviennemary · 07/09/2013 22:55

I wouldn't want to co-sleep on any kind of regular basis. But locking the bedroom door isn't the answer. It's not kind.

BrianTheMole · 07/09/2013 22:55

I wouldn't lock the door. I think it would be better to brace yourselves for a few nights and start taking him back to bed and insisting he stays there. Have you asked him why he keeps coming in? Afraid of the dark? Nightmares? Something else that you might be able to solve?

hettienne · 07/09/2013 22:56

If your DH gets up to get into the child's bed, why can't he just put him back to bed instead?

Meglet · 07/09/2013 22:56

Night wakings are crap. I've had it with night time wanderings and have often bellowed at them after several visits in a row if I've got work in the morning. This sometimes results in waking the other child up .

But you can't lock them out. It's a daft thing to do from a fire risk point of view as well.

usualsuspect · 07/09/2013 22:57

Buy a bigger bed.

BrianTheMole · 07/09/2013 22:59

I'm such a crap parent that I leave an ipad in there for her to play with if she wakes up - this morning she didn't wake me up until gone 10am

ha! Are you me?

MrsCakesPremonition · 07/09/2013 23:02

I think you have three options:

Either put up with the bed invasion until he grows out of it
or force yourselves to return him to bed (shot term pain for long term gain)
or use a sticker chart to reward him every morning when he wakes up in his own bed (earning stickers towards a bigger reward such as a trip to the park or something at the end of the week).

Locking him out really isn't an option.

WhereMyMilk · 07/09/2013 23:03

Wow, MrsB! Am taking that as a tongue in cheek comment....

WorrySighWorrySigh · 07/09/2013 23:07

Something which worked with our DS:

He was always allowed to come into our bed but the following morning there would be a small treat which would have to be foregone as DS would be too tired to enjoy it.

Dont worry, my DCs were all bed hoppers when little but now as teenagers they like their own beds far too much

mercibucket · 07/09/2013 23:08

bigger bed?
or campbed on the floor

i would also be fine with him sharing with the 8 year old tbh, but i am a slack parent, and co sleeping is nice

BIWI · 07/09/2013 23:09

DS1 used to come into our room regularly. The routine was always the same - I (because he usually came to my side of the bed) would say "you can have 5 minutes, and then I'll take you back to your bed". So he would get in, we would have a cuddle - sometimes we would both doze for a little - but then I would say "shall we go back to your bed/shall we go and see teddy?" And when he was ready (and most times he was), then I would take him back to bed. Most times he was happy to get straight back into bed and go to sleep.

We repeated this with DS2. Only many times I used to have to get into his bed and help him to get warm again, so that he could go to sleep.

It was often very irritating, and (because I worked full time) I found myself resentful that my sleep was being broken like this. But I always also thought that there must be a reason for them wanting to get into our bed, and that not to offer them that comfort would be awful.

I can quite understand why you might want to lock your door, but I'm afraid that I think YWBU to do so.

unlucky83 · 07/09/2013 23:10

I'd be tempted to do something else - accept this is going to happen and you are now too tired to deal with it ...get DS asleep in his bed and then move him into your bed then either you or DH go to sleep in his bed - hopefully one of you will get a goodnight sleep at least...
then you feel more rested try the big boys sleep in their own bed approach... rewards etc - you might even have the energy to keep taking him back...
(I'm lazy - DD2 (6) comes into our bed - but we are both heavy sleepers so it doesn't disturb us...on the handful of occasions she has stayed in her own bed I heap praise on her - but a bit of a lost cause cause she is almost sleep walking when she comes in ...sure she won't still be doing at 18 ...at least I hope not!)
I think if you lock the door and either of your DS's have a nightmare/are ill/ wet the bed etc etc -it would be really awful... for them and you (think you'd feel guilty - i know I would)

LifeIsBetterInFlipFlops · 07/09/2013 23:11

YABU...surely you leave your bedroom door open incase either of them either call out in the night for illness or take it into their heads to wander around the house.

MrsBonkers · 07/09/2013 23:12

Erm, no.
I know its crap, but no me who started it. When I work early shift (like tomorrow - WHAT am I still doing awake??) My (D)H started giving it to her so he could have a lie in - its become a bad habit that I haven't broken because when I've done late shift, just 5 more mins in bed seems worth it.

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ExitPursuedByADragon · 07/09/2013 23:12

I loved co sleeping. Locking the door seems harsh.

MrsBonkers · 07/09/2013 23:15

Was responding to the ipad bit. Is that the bit I SHOULD feel bad about, or is there something else I've written?

WetGrass · 07/09/2013 23:16

(ahem)

I grimly persisted rapid returning DS2 for six months anticipating DD2 arrival/co-sleeping/not wanting 4 in the bed.

Dd2 is 18 months now. Out of our bed. Ds2 still arrives every morning. His morning is 5 a.m. . He is also very very chatty and screechy - and whacks you on the face in excitement of making his point.

I'm not sure I believe in rapid return.

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