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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Fuming with grandparents n lack of support from my dad.

122 replies

ElBombero · 07/09/2013 05:10

Grandparents and my dad come over today to meet my 2 day old son. They asked of we had chosen a name, so said yes and told them the name. And their reaction amazed me "what your actually going to christen him that?" "He won't thank you for it when he's older" "it's a Chinese / Asian name" "have you thought of William instead" I was amazed, my DH was out n felt like they just launched on me.l, I was completely unprepared and obviously ubber emotional after just giving birth.
I told them to stop said I don't want any negative connotations on my sons name and it was mine and DH decision and we love it. It carried on a little "well you best give him a middle name to use if he wants" cheeky cheeky selfish bastards I just got angry then. If I dispised a name anyone had chosen family / friend / stranger I would always do the right thing and said it was lovely, not react like that, I'm seriously pissed off.

OP posts:
MollyBerry · 07/09/2013 05:15

Regardless of the name that is really inconsiderate and even a bit racist. What does it matter what the name is as long as you like it (caveat that it is not outrageous like one I heard the other day, a girl called 'E').

What is the name?

CharityFunDay · 07/09/2013 05:39

and obviously ubber emotional after just giving birth.

I think this is a key consideration. They've obviously harshed your buzz (maaan!). If they're supportive in all other ways, then don't be too hard on them. You plainly hadn't told them in advance of the birth, so they were clearly surprised and didn't think through their responses. They'll adjust to it, and given time won't even think about it.

I doubt that their responses were racist, unless the child is of mixed extraction.

Congratulations on your little person, and take it easy.

Original poster
ElBombero · 07/09/2013 06:37

It's Sonny which I understand can seem like abit of a silly name to an 80+ year old. But I was more Confused that my dad just sat there staring at DS n didn't back me up, I sent a text after to him saying I would of appreciated abit of support earlier. He just text back saying its the way they are and I seemed to have it all under control. I know I didn't, I was aware of my voice breaking with tears at one point during my objections. Just felt I was in this gorgeous baby blue balloon of happiness after a great birth, a wonderful gender surprise and a very content baby. My choice of name comes from the fact I see it as a happy, cheerful, charming name I was so happy n they just fucking popped it, I know I shouldn't care, it's their age etc but I do Hmm feel like I need to say something x

OP posts:
DropYourSword · 07/09/2013 06:46

I think it's a lovely name OP. Congratulations on the birth of your new baby (so jealous!)

Vivacia · 07/09/2013 06:54

I agree that it's a lovely name with a lovely sentiment behind it. I know you would have appreciated their immediate acceptance, who wouldn't? Accept the validation here that they were wrong, you were right but don't let this stand in the way of their relationship with your son.

Chusband · 07/09/2013 06:59

They were completely in the wrong and they owe you an apology.

Don't be too hard on your dad though, he probably felt awkward and didn't want to go ploughing in. And you had your DH backing you up anyway.

Nora2012 · 07/09/2013 07:02

That's awful, I'm sorry they made you feel that way! It's a lovely name and don't worry what they think. I'm sure it will grow on them over time anyway, (but then again, who cares!).

TidyDancer · 07/09/2013 07:02

What Vivacia said.

The only time it's okay to say something negative like that after a baby has been named is if it's a truly horrific choice and it will have an impact on the child's life. I could understand if you'd named your DS Shitbag (etc), but clearly you haven't! Sonny is a lovely name so they are absolutely in the wrong.

Congratulations. Flowers

waltzingmathilda · 07/09/2013 07:14

As the voice of practicality, no matter how lovely you think a name take a step back from it and think - is it likely to be name that a future Chairman or King would use? if no, bin it. Sorry but the Jaydens and Kais of this world will be forever pigeon holed by their parents poor choice.

I have so many friends who, 20 odd years ago thought the moniker Frankie, Alfie, Georgie etc was cute. Very cute on a baby but to a serious 20 year old trying to get a decent job, let me assure each of them wishes they were properly named Francis and George, poor Alfie just thinks his parents lost the plot.

Hissy · 07/09/2013 07:27

I know someone with a DS called sonny, they're super cool people, really lovely and he seems to be absolutely adorable!

It's not any kind of 'ethnic' name. It's lovely! Go for it!

friday16 · 07/09/2013 07:43

"Sorry but the Jaydens and Kais of this world will be forever pigeon holed by their parents"

Sad but true.

Finola1step · 07/09/2013 07:45

Sonny is a great name. Cheerful, dependable and friendly. Stick with your choice. Make it very clear that it is non negotiable and you expect your GPs to keep their thoughts to themselves for the sake of your son.

With regard to waltzingmathilda's comments... Yes, there may be very few kings called Sonny, but I doubt there will be a vacancy on that one. Plenty of Sonny's in the creative arts world. It would be a sad world if we all named our newborns on the basis of hoping their name would give them a leg up to CEO one day. I do wonder what Alan Sugar's parents were thinking....

Jaynebxl · 07/09/2013 07:54

Blooming relatives who think your choice of name is anything to do with them! We called our daughter a name which we wanted to shorten to Annie. My gran's response was "what an awful name, sounds like fanny!".

Love the name Sonny. I couldn't stop singing the song when I was pregnant with ds and for a while thought we would call him that.

pictish · 07/09/2013 07:55

We considered Sonny for ds2. I like it.
It's clear that they genuinely regard it as a nonsense name. To them, you may as well have said Fido or Fluffy. They have not come up to speed with current trends at all.

I suggest you tell them that Sonny has become well used these days, and that there's nothing way out or alarming about it. Then refuse to discuss it.

helenthemadex · 07/09/2013 07:56

Sorry but the Jaydens and Kais of this world will be forever pigeon holed by their parents poor choice

Although its sad its very true, many people do make assumptions about others based soley on their name, including employers and teachers

Having said that I do like the name Sonny its cute

marriedinwhiteisback · 07/09/2013 07:56

Oh dear OP, I can see both sides. My SIL gave her sons uber ridiculous first and middle names. I think my ILs should have said something. Everyone who hears these names says eeew - non-one has ever said "wow, how cool". To be perfectly honest the name you have chosen isn't far off because of the "oi you, sonny" connotations. It just doesn't work in this culture - the exception would be if you or your DH shared the ethnic origin of your name. I really don't think your parents meant to be unkind but are thinking ahead to the inane and possibly unkind 9omments your lovely son is likely to get. As someone with a traditional, unusual name those comments really get under your skin.

Congratulations on your baby - they are just perfect - you can gaze at them all day in wonder.

nameuschangeus · 07/09/2013 07:57

Just wanted to say that I think Sonny sounds fab and also that elderly people sometimes seem to lose their mental edit button and so say the most outrageous and thoughtless things completely not realising what they're saying. My gran used to be like this and in the end I had to laugh or I'd have cried. Your dad was probably too engrossed in his smashing new grandchild to want to argue. Blooming rotten hormones! You have your wonderful Sonny and they'll get used to the name and love him regardless. Just be ready for the 'are you going out with him dressed like that? He'll need a coat/bonnet/' comments for ever more! Once their edit button's gone, it's gone WinkThanks

beepoff · 07/09/2013 07:58

It's a great name. Don't let their comments spoil this special time. You know what YOU like and remembering that in the face of criticism is very important now you're a parent.

notanyanymore · 07/09/2013 08:00

Sonny is a gorgous name! Sounds like your dad was too entranced by your baby to tear himself away. My gran would be like that too. Of course your bound to be feeling emotional at this time, but really, its a lovely lovely name and from experience, people come to love it as they associate it with the child.
Congratulations btw!

sameoldIggi · 07/09/2013 08:03

I don't see a problem with suggesting you give LO a middle name as well. Options are always good, surely? However they clearly went about it in a rude and upsetting way. Soon the will love it as it is the name of the baby, not just a random name.

waltzingmathilda · 07/09/2013 08:06

It would be a sad world if we all named our newborns on the basis of hoping their name would give them a leg up to CEO one day

Most parents have aspirations for their children - I worked on the basis that names should be standard, non offensive, not attributable to race creed or colour but above all timeless.

Names we might think are "posh" or at the very least "pretentious" in the UK won't stand the test overseas. An acquaintance has a Xavier , which is common enough to be almost mainstream amongst the prep school mums but in the USA it is perceived as an Hispanic name and therefore very lower class.

"Sonny" to me sounds like something out of The Godfather or Cake Boss. Sort of Sicily meets New Jersey!

MrsLouisTheroux · 07/09/2013 08:06

There will always be a divide. Those that like it and those that don't. Would you have preferred them to lie and say 'lovely name' just to be polite? I understand that they have hurt your feelings but they are just being honest with you.

MissOtisRegretsMadam · 07/09/2013 08:07

waltzingmathilda are you Katie Hopkins???

ExcuseTypos · 07/09/2013 08:10

Sonny is a wonderful name! As others have said ignore your relatives and carry on enjoying your little boy. They will come to love it just as much as they love the child.

They're far too much snobbery in this country regarding names. I can't wait for a prime minister or High Court Judge called something like Dwayne or Tinkerbell. The sooner people start basing their judgements on a persons capabilities and stop doing it based on a few letters the better.Smile.

Bambamb · 07/09/2013 08:13

Sonny is a lovely name ! I love love love love it, just ignore them.
We had a similar reaction from my MIL when we told her our DS name. His also has a middle name and she said she would just use that instead! ! Fortunately we have thick skins and were confident in our choice so we didn't let it get us down. Still totally love his name (which I may add is not particularly weird or unusual! )
Just remember it doesn't matter what name you pick there will always be some who don't like it or wouldn't use it for their own child but if that wasn't the case then all kids would have the same name!