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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that an uncle IS a close relative?

153 replies

Watto1 · 30/08/2013 19:52

My uncle sadly passed away a few days ago. His funeral is on Thursday next week. My boss says that I can't have compassionate leave to go to his funeral as compassionate leave is 'for close relatives only.'

I will be going regardless, using my annual leave rather than compassionate leave, but AIBU to think that an uncle should be considered a close relative?

OP posts:
TylerHopkins · 30/08/2013 19:54

You could be closer to your uncle than you are to your father. This whole thing pisses me off. You should be allocated a number of 'compassionate' days and who you take them off for is your business.

Ididabravebravething · 30/08/2013 19:55

course it is close relative.

grrr to your employers

(sorry for your loss btw)

LindaMcCartneySausage · 30/08/2013 19:55

Im sorry for your loss.

YANBU if you were close to him and you are showing your support for your cousins and his wife. You obviously are. Regardless of labels attached to familial relationships, your boss should understand your wish to attend a funeral for whoever matters to you and give you compassionate leave. No one attends funerals for fun.

MsVestibule · 30/08/2013 19:56

Sorry, but no, if I was an employer, I don't think I'd give compassionate leave for an uncle either. As a general rule, it would be for grandparents, parents and siblings only.

I'm sorry for your loss though Flowers.

flossy101 · 30/08/2013 19:56

Sorry for your loss. I agree uncle is a close relative.

CailinDana · 30/08/2013 19:56

Yanbu. My sister couldn't go to her good friend's funeral because of heartless rules like this. Why anyone would expect loyalty from employees who are treated like this is beyond me.

Sorry that you lost your uncle.

PumpkinPositive · 30/08/2013 19:57

An uncle IS a close relative. Your boss, on the other hand, is an arsehole.

Mind you, I'd take compassionate leave for my budgies. Grin

Ididabravebravething · 30/08/2013 19:57

ps. yes, GO btw. You would only regret it if you didnt

AnyFucker · 30/08/2013 19:58

I am sorry for your loss

but I think YABU

Employers have to draw the line somewhere and I think we all have to accept that the minority of piss takers have spoiled it for the rest of us

I think your employers would be BU is they didn't allow your AL though

nancerama · 30/08/2013 20:02

I'm sorry for your loss.

Usually what constitutes a close relative is laid out in your contract. Some bosses do everything by the book, others are a bit more flexible. I think many of these contractural rules are a throwback to the days when people came from bigger families.

MsVestibule · 30/08/2013 20:03

CailinDana why wasn't your sister allowed to take annual leave? Whilst I don't think a manager should have to give compassionate leave, they should be able to take AL.

Original poster
Watto1 · 30/08/2013 20:03

He will allow AL, fortunately. To be fair to him, it's HR policy, rather than him personally not allowing the compassionate leave. Still annoying though. However, as other posters have said, I suppose a line has to be drawn somewhere. Thank you for your condolences everyone.Thanks

OP posts:
motownmover · 30/08/2013 20:07

A good compassionate leave policy should allow HR or head of Dept discretion.

I've given Comp leave when someone has lost their pet and I think it was right to do so.

Bowlersarm · 30/08/2013 20:10

An uncle is a close enough relative to want to go to his funeral.

TylerHopkins · 30/08/2013 20:10

I want to work for mowtownmover

iago · 30/08/2013 20:16

I once taught at a school where a girl in my tutor group was off EVERY Friday to attend a funeral - travelling community where funerals are very important, but 30 plus in a year?? So, I can understand why a business would restrict 'close relatives' to grandparents, parents, offspring (God forbid) and siblings. There could be dozens of uncles and aunts and cousins. So I think you should be prepared to take a day's leave if you want to go to the funeral.

beginnings · 30/08/2013 20:16

No, that's his interpretation of the policy. I've never heard of a compassionate leave policy that's so stringent. Discretion can certainly be applied.

I'm sorry for your loss.

ApocalypseThen · 30/08/2013 20:17

Of course an uncle is a close relative - madness to suggest otherwise.

Original poster
Watto1 · 30/08/2013 20:18

I am prepared to take AL and will be doing so.

OP posts:
motownmover · 30/08/2013 20:18

Sorry beginnings I have and have changed a few in my time to be wider in interpretation.

Sorry for your loss OP.

pootlebug · 30/08/2013 20:18

In the large multinational I used to work for, an Uncle wasn't classed a 'close relative' either

OnTheBottomWithAWomensWeekly · 30/08/2013 20:20

Maybe to you, but not to many. And it could get out of hand...I have 12 uncles and aunts, and many cousins. Presumably the cousins would have to count as close family too if their parents do?

froken · 30/08/2013 20:21

Yanbu your are genetically related as much to an uncle as you are to a grandparent (25%)

I'm sorry for your loss, stupid boss :(

HappyMummyOfOne · 30/08/2013 20:21

Ours is spouses, children, siblings and parents. Standard amongst lots of employers. Annual leave can be requested for any others and granted at short notice. HR follow the handbook so as to treat all employees the same and fairly.

hermioneweasley · 30/08/2013 20:22

This is extremely common approach. Every employer I have worked for has only given compassionate leave for immediate family. I am sorry for your loss, but you woukdn't believe how many uncles etc people can have. This is what annual leave is for.