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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to want my DCs to be the super popular, "alpha" children at school

489 replies

dirtyface · 27/08/2013 16:55

partly inspired by the thread about do you buy your kids certain stuff so they can fit in (but not a thread about a thread i promise)

...it just got me thinking. i REALLY want my dcs to not just "fit in" (although i will be happy with that of course) but to be actively, super popular

they are only 4 (dd) and 7 (ds) at the moment so in year 1 and year 4 so just starting out really

but i think it starts young. tbh i can already see in DS's class who the in crowd are :o and luckily ds is friends with some of them but seems a bit on the periphery iyswim. popularity at junior school breeds confidence and a "popular reputation" and a casual expectation that people will like them which becomes a self fulfilling prophecy i think teachers tend to prefer the popular ones as well IME

it then IMO tends leads to success as an adult even if they dont do particularly well at school. for example, DH was very popular at school and although he left before even taking his GCSE's he has done very well at work, and always tends to be very popular where he has worked and ends up getting promoted a lot

so, those of you who have very popular DCs, whats their secret? and am a bit Blush asking this, but is it / has it been anything you do as a mum / parent to help them along a bit?

OP posts:
jessieagain · 27/08/2013 21:53

I want my dc to be confident, assertive and amongst friends.

I'm not sure about being popular. It depends on the school Hmm

If he goes to a similar school to the one I went to there is no way I would want him 'popular' Hmm. But if he was to go to a nice area school with lots of balanced, ambitious families, then yes I would like him to be popular.

Gracie990 · 27/08/2013 21:54

Ok so the most successful people from my year were the geeks and studious crowd.

No way your earning six figures without GCSE's. yes a few exceptions noted

Buckle down and work hard or marry well.

VisualCharades · 27/08/2013 21:55

popular thread
Grin

AmazingBouncingFerret · 27/08/2013 21:56

Jesus I'm horrified at the thought a grown woman would think of a 13 year old as an immature slapper.

superstarheartbreaker · 27/08/2013 21:56

Popular dosn't mean failure at all. Many of the the poular kids at school have been very succesful; many had lots of money behind them. But as someone who was badly bullied by the popular crown (clearly as a result of being ''fucking lovely as the second coming so eloquently puts it) my life has been fucked up ever since.

Second coming often rises from the ashes to have a snipe at me; quite fitting given the subject matter of this thread! She dosn't even know me! (barf)

anonnymousey · 27/08/2013 21:56

splish splash shallow shallow

superstarheartbreaker · 27/08/2013 21:58

If you had been torn down by this 13 year old then you would call her the same. Lets not forget that I was 13 too at the time so yes; it is personal and solid evidence that some of us have been targeted by the poular people and it still stings!

However, I know many popular kids who were nice to me. I rekon aim for being popular and nice. But alpha? NO!

PeppermintPasty · 27/08/2013 21:58

Agreed. There are lots of peculiar and repugnant views on this thread ABF. Bit of an eye opener.

BlingBang · 27/08/2013 22:00

So there are no superior alpha groups who look down on others and think everyone wants to be them - they don't exist then - thenin crowds who enjoy feeling suprior. There are definitely some out there and they are someone's children. Like many bullies - their parents probably think they are lovely and the sun shines out of their arse. They probably would be gobsmacked that everyone else doesn't actually want to been or particularly like them that much.

Then there are nice well balanced popular kids - and these can usually travers all the groups to a degree. That kind of popularity where you could stand alone and still be popular - not need a crowd to back you up all the time.

superstarheartbreaker · 27/08/2013 22:01

This 13 year girl was extremely cruel to those who she deemed not attractive enough to pull 18 year old basket ball players! She told the whole class how I was ugly and would never get a boyfriend and how she was so much better than me as she was worried about being pregnant whilst I had never had a peck on the cheek. Hmm Er ok. It was humiliating, she did it in a cruel way. I didn't realise she was being taken advantage of at the time; we thought she was just stunning enough to pull a hot dude but in hindsight he was taking the piss.

DaleyBump · 27/08/2013 22:01

I don't want this for my children. I want them to happy, comfortable individuals - not sheep. I was bullied horrendously by the "popular kids" and the outcasts accepted me and made me feel welcome. I'm now engaged to one of them and pregnant with his son. I see the "popular kids" about sometimes and they either stare at their feet or sneer at me. That's not how I want my children to be.

Alisvolatpropiis · 27/08/2013 22:03

Yes but you're not 13 anymore are you superstar?

Move on with your life, let it go.

Do you have children? A daughters? Bet you wouldn't like them being called a slapper when they're 13.

BlingBang · 27/08/2013 22:03

Maybe I'd have been more popular if I actually could spell or at least check before posting!

morethanpotatoprints · 27/08/2013 22:04

IME the popular ones are the dc that go against the grain and don't try and fit in that are the popular and confident dc.
I have had 2 like this and the other was a sheep.
The two unconventional ones gained a following and started trends, the other one followed the trends that his friends started.
All 3 of them were happy and content with friends.
As long as they are happy wtf does it matter.
I think its sad when a parent decides what they want for their dc, you should let them find their own way.
Also, finding things to help them fit in wtf?

Lizzylou · 27/08/2013 22:05

Happy, confident with self belief, that's what I want for my dc.

This thread is a pretty uncomfortable read tbh. Worryingly so.

BlingBang · 27/08/2013 22:05

I think superstar can feel any way she wants to about someone who made her feel shit - or should folk just get over being bullied and put down.

Caff2 · 27/08/2013 22:05

You are talking about a thirteen year old child as a slapper is totally OK? Just wanted to check that. Because I find that absolutely horrible, just to be clear.

And to kind of come back to the thread, my "alpha" thirteen year old, as talked about above, would NEVER call someone a slapper and indeed had a row with one of his friends for calling a girl that at school.

usualsuspect · 27/08/2013 22:08

She can feel anyway she likes,but as a grown woman you don't call 13 year old girls 'Slappers'

Lizzylou · 27/08/2013 22:09

13 year old children classed as slappers?
Have some of you ever bloody left high school? Hmm

jessieagain · 27/08/2013 22:10

It depends.

If my dc went to a school similar to the one I went to, the last thing I would want is for them to be 'popular' Hmm

On the other hand, if the went to a 'nice' school full of a mostly ambitious and balanced families then I would like them to popular.

It all depends on the peer group.

BlingBang · 27/08/2013 22:11

Caff2 - I'm sure your son is lovely but you don't really know what he might be up to and like at school. How can you be so sure about all these things. i Don't know everything about what my kids get up to at school and how they behave and what they say.

asmallandnoisymonkey · 27/08/2013 22:12

I'd be careful what you wish for... All the in-crowd at my school ended up pregnant as soon as they'd finished their GCSE's and seemed to all work in the same cafe.

I worked away for a few years, came back and they were all there, living with the in-crowd boys who weren't doing well on benefits.

Just make sure your children are happy, well adjusted individuals that know their own minds and are kind and thoughtful.

BlingBang · 27/08/2013 22:14

Well ok, I don't use 'slapper' but there are people here talking about things that really affected them at school - emotions get high and a lot of old feelings can surface. I am not very charitable when I think of the one or two kids who were violent or nasty to me - and I wasn't bullied or miserable at school.

gettngbetter · 27/08/2013 22:14

I was not one bit popular in school - but I have a good enough job, my DC's and DH as we'll as some lovely friends now. I didn't enjoy school but I made up for it in university and in my life ever since.

I wouldn't like my DC's to have the same experience in school as I did - but I know it doesn't mean they're guaranteed an unhappy life afterwards. The ideal is the relatively popular ones who study hard but also enjoy socialising

TheSecondComing · 27/08/2013 22:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.